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We’ve talked before about ideas for homeschooling when you have preschoolers in the mix, but most of those usually are for when you have several older children whom you are homeschooling. What do you do when your oldest is just starting homeschool and you are just starting homeschool and you have preschoolers along for the ride? Joining me today is a very special guest: My daughter, Ruth Smith.
Sonya: Ruth, so glad to have you.
Ruth: Thank you.
Sonya: Thanks for agreeing to come on this lovely thing; all the cameras and lights and everything, but you’re good with it. You’re usually on the back side of the cameras.
Ruth: Yes, usually.
Sonya: All right, let’s talk about homeschooling. Well, first, let’s talk about who you are and your family.
Ruth: Who am I? (laughs)
Sonya: It’s a philosophical discussion. Let’s talk about your family. If you would just tell a little bit about your situation, I think that will help.
Ruth: Yeah, so, I’ve got four. Right now we’re in third grade, first grade, and I have a couple of preschoolers, but when I started formally homeschooling, I started with my oldest being 6, and then I had a 4-year-old and a 1-year-old. And I quickly learned that you can have a really good plan on paper, but the reality of it, with little ones especially, your day just doesn’t go the way you imagine it.
You can have a really good plan on paper, but the reality of it, with little ones especially, your day just doesn’t go the way you imagine it.
Sonya: It’s like they didn’t read the paper.
Ruth: Exactly. In your head, it’s easy to just think, “This is great, everyone will be on board with this, nobody will have a bad attitude or an emergency or a conflict.” And it’s hard to exactly put into words what it is that’s so challenging about getting through the day with multiple little ones. But it is challenging, even without school. So I remember when it was time to add in school, I was so intimidated because it was already a challenge just to get through the day and maybe add one extra thing. And now I was looking at adding four or five extra things every single day. So we started slow. I started adding in tentatively one thing at a time. I was finding my feet. My oldest was learning how to engage with it. So it was new for all of us. And I started just trying to be strategic, tucking it in here and there as I was able to. But it looked kind of weird. Our day was just weird. I had in my head that the picture that I wanted was this sort of, “Okay, it’s time for school.” And then we sit down and we rotate through short lessons. It doesn’t take long. Just do the variety of subjects, and then the main part of school for the day is done. But I could not figure out how to achieve that picture with the little ones in the mix.
At that time, I had the 4-year-old and the 1-year-old. And the 4-year-old and 6-year-old would play together. They were best pals at the time. They did everything together. And so taking the 6-year-old out of that was shocking for both of them. The 4-year-old didn’t know what to do. And then also at that time, the 4-year-old and 1-year-old hadn’t figured out how to play together yet. They didn’t have those skills. There was no precedent for that. And so I couldn’t just say, “Well, you two play together while I do this.” It was very complicated for all of us.
Sonya: That would just cause more conflict that you would have to deal with.
Ruth: Right, exactly.
Sonya: Trying to tell them, “You guys just go play together.”
Ruth: Right, that wouldn’t work. So instead, the 1-year-old was used to having my attention, and then the 4-year-old and the 6-year-old were used to being with each other. And so it was just a big upsetting of what was normal.
Sonya: So did you try tucking things in during nap time? Let’s get the 4- and the 1-year-old off. And then “I’ll do this, just during nap time”?
Ruth: I did sometimes use nap time, because we would have that afternoon, everyone takes a rest time. So I did try utilizing a little bit of that, but I couldn’t take the whole time, because first of all, I really needed that downtime too, especially with pregnancy, chronic illness. I absolutely needed some downtime to make it through the day.
Sonya: Exactly.
Ruth: And then my 6-year-old also really benefited from having some time alone, because otherwise we’re together all the time. And just everyone benefited from downtime. So I couldn’t take that whole time. So it was just a little bit here, a little bit there. I didn’t know from one day to the next how exactly it was going to work. I don’t know, it was like trying to dress a cat that’s running away. You do it, but you don’t know how exactly.
Sonya: But it’s not pretty.
Ruth: Right. And so I kept thinking, “Oh, I want this picture.” I felt like that was the goal to achieve: the school time where we just do school, please. But I couldn’t find a way to achieve that that wasn’t disregarding the needs of my preschoolers, my toddlers, who were also born persons. They needed attention and care and all of that. I don’t know any 1-year-olds who can be okay without you for 45 minutes, even if it’s only 45 minutes. You’re lucky if you get 20 minutes, and you can’t predict when that might happen. That’s a miracle if they wander off for 20 minutes.
Sonya: And then you’re not sure what they’re doing. That is a huge idea that you just dropped there. When we talk about respecting the child, it’s not that that respect starts when they are 6 years old, starting school. We’re also respecting them all the way through. That’s a key thought, wow.
Ruth: So I wrestled with this. We made it work, but all the time I felt like I was subpar. I wasn’t able to achieve it. And it’s easy to start looking at your young ones as the barrier to your goal, because if they would just… if they could… you know. And then something occurred to me that completely changed it for me. I looked at my “students” and realized that I had been thinking about how to have a Charlotte Mason-style homeschool with these preschoolers in the mix. And then I thought, “I have one in grade school, and I have two preschoolers, and then next year, I’ll have three in preschool. So what I actually have here is a Charlotte Mason preschool with a first grader in the mix.”
I realized that I had been thinking about how to have a Charlotte Mason-style homeschool with preschoolers in the mix. But what I actually have here is a Charlotte Mason preschool with a first grader in the mix.
Sonya: That’s such a shift. I mean, it just turns it on its head. And then it becomes clear. Wow.
Ruth: It gave me permission to embrace the preschool-ness of our days. And now suddenly I could say, “Yes, this is our preschool. We’re going to take a couple hours to just play in the morning. We’re going to do all these things that the preschoolers need and want.” It’s what I was already trying to do with them. And my first grader was in that as well and benefited from all those things. And then I was leveling her up here and there as I was able to, working around the preschool schedule. So, it’s small, but it felt like after trying and trying for months to stand on my head, I just decided to stand on my feet instead.
Sonya: No, it makes sense. It is: Instead of, I am teaching a first grader, and I want the preschoolers to fit in where they can. Now it is: I have a preschool with three students, and I am tucking in extra things for my first grader as it fits.
Ruth: Right. And if anything, she’s more adaptable because she’s older and can go with the flow a little easier. It worked so much better to think about it that way.
Sonya: So let’s get a little more specific about those preschool activities, because when we say we have three students in preschool, and we’re adding the first grader into the mix, we’re not talking about free-play-all-day-long preschool.
Ruth: Right. There is a lot of free play.
Sonya: Yes, and that’s important. The free play is very important.
Ruth: And it’s still important for your first grader too.
Sonya: Yes, that’s right. But I know that you had other things that you included because we created Our Preschool Life for you guys, for your kids, our grandchildren.
Ruth: We got to test-drive it.
Sonya: Yeah. I don’t know if our listeners realize that your husband is Doug and Karen Smith’s son, and so the other half of Simply Charlotte Mason, the Shafers and the Smiths, we share grandchildren. So we created Our Preschool Life for them, and it’s just little things, easy things, really, that you can tuck in to a month. We would give a picture to look at and just talk about the picture. It’s like, “What do you see?” We give short classical music pieces to play with, to listen to, and move to.
Ruth: Those are very popular at our house.
Sonya: Are they? That’s so good to hear. Folk songs as well, preschool-type classic songs that they like to sing. There are stories to read. Every month they get a new book, and I’ve seen the books at your house, and it’s always fun when your children come to my house and see those same books. And it’s like, “Well, we’ve got that book.” “Oh, I like that book.” They don’t know that I’m choosing those books for them. I love that. They have a Bible story, they have a poem, they have a rhyme, they have two nature friends to look for each month, and little stickers to put in their nature notebook when they see those friends. What else is there? Crafts.
Ruth: Ideas—yes, crafts. There are ideas for math concepts, ideas for playing outside, which time outside is another big thing.
Sonya: Yes. And there’s the option that a person using Our Preschool Life can add in the reading kits and the handwriting stuff when the students are ready; as they get older. That’s one of those things that for your older students, you could tuck in here and there as each student is ready for it, if you want to. But Our Preschool Life itself gives you all of those little touches, and you could do it daily, but it’s open to using those activities as they fit into your schedule. Your usual, not regulated, though you try to have a basic framework, a routine.
Ruth: Right, we have a basic framework, but what happens between the framework is…
Sonya: Life.
Ruth: Yes. You never know from day to day how it’s going to go.
Sonya: A lot of life happens when you have three preschoolers and then your one grade school child. So that’s what we mean by focusing on the preschool and bringing in the first grader on the side. It’s not just free play all day long.
Ruth: Right. Also, preschoolers are going to be hopefully helping you a lot with the day-to-day chores and helping in the kitchen and things like that. So it is lots of playing time, fitting in some of these things like listening to good music and looking for nature friends outside, helping around the house, because they’re just kind of shadowing you at that point. You can involve them in all of that.
Sonya: Yeah, and we have the chores included in Our Preschool Life, as well as habits to work on. Those are in there. So, yeah, it becomes a way of life, really, which is what Charlotte Mason is. Those are wonderful benefits to focusing on the preschool. And your first grader is still reaping those benefits, looking at those good pictures, hearing those stories. Did you require her, like when you read aloud one of the tales with your preschoolers, did you then require your first grader to narrate it?
Ruth: No, not so much. I saved the narration requirement for her official first grade schoolwork, those kinds of things. Any kind of preschool stuff she joined in on, it was more informal. This is the no-pressure area.
Sonya: Yeah, which was good for her.
Ruth: And she knew what to expect then; there were certain times that I was requiring a little more of her, and then other times where she was welcome to just join in.
Sonya: So that’s the main concept, and that’s the idea that flipped everything on its head, well, actually flipped it off of its head for you.
Ruth: Standing right-side-up now.
Sonya: That’s right, yes. Can you give any practical tips as you worked through that? And I realize it’s going to look different for each person.
Ruth: Every family is going to find different ways to make it work. I do think it can be helpful, if you have lots of young ones, to be strategic. I recommend thinking about what is the hardest subject for you to accomplish with your first grader when there are preschoolers around. What’s the one that’s most challenging? The hardest-to-deal-with interruption or whatever. Find that one, and then try to match it up with whatever part of your day the preschoolers are typically less of a distraction. So that could be using a little bit of the nap time.
It could be if they’ll sit in the high chair and eat a snack, if you have a certain snack time, maybe match that up. You can think about the timing, like what time in your day is good, because again it doesn’t have to be that morning school time, you can use any part of your day. You can also switch around location. It doesn’t have to be at the table or in a school room, it could be in the living room, it could be if your preschoolers will play with a play kitchen really well. You can sit on the floor nearby while they do that. It could even be the bathtub. If they’ll play in the bath, you can read a lesson, or do something with your first grader while near the bathtub, if they’re not too loud. Or it could be a water table outside, or if they’re pretty chill in the car, if you have a regular drive as part of your week. Maybe you could work an audio component into that. The key is to look at what you’re already doing, what’s already normal, and try to match things up that way. Because it’s got to be sustainable. You have to do this every single day, so you can’t go all out trying to spend a lot of energy, or at least I couldn’t, spend a lot of energy setting up a bunch of stuff for the preschoolers to do so I could get 10 minutes with the first grader. One common piece of advice, of course, is to have some toys that only come out at school time, or when you’re trying to accomplish something. So it could be something that they don’t have access to all the time, you can bring it down for them, and sometimes that can help.
Sonya: Did that work well for you to do that at times?
Ruth: I still use that at times, but a trick with that is it can’t be too special or interesting, because then your first grader…
Sonya: I want to play with that!
Ruth: …is going to feel extremely left out. She has to do this work while her siblings get to play with something really cool, so it can’t be too interesting. It has to be something that the first grader also has access to at some time. That’s usually how we worked that out. One big thing we used was extra math manipulatives. So, we have the kit; the beads and the buttons and the coins and the craft sticks, and often, when I was doing math with the first grader, I would let the preschoolers have one of the other batches of manipulatives. They loved that. It was stuff I was already pulling out, so I don’t have to use the energy to go set up a fancy thing for them, I am just grabbing what we’re already using. Another huge thing is we use the whiteboard slate, and I have an extra one with extra markers. They love that day after day. We’ve been using it for years, and they’re not tired of it. If you can trust your little ones with markers, keep them nearby. They can draw, and then that just keeps everyone sort of on the same page. So keep things simple and use what you’ve already got out, if you can, like math manipulatives or even just paper and colored pencils. Older ones may enjoy, like 4- and 5-year-olds, they may want to feel like they’re doing some school, too. So if you’re able to give them a little bit of a handwriting sheet that they could practice on or do a little bit of math with them, that often helps them to feel included.
Sonya: They probably want to be involved in the mental math.
Ruth: Yes. Sometimes I have to stop: “No, this one’s for your sister.”
Sonya: That’s a beauty—to phrase it this way, the one-room schoolhouse, even though it’s really a one-room preschool with a school grade in. But that one-room schoolhouse, the little ones are going to be picking up on those things, too.
Ruth: Exactly. They may be ready for it sooner than your first one was. So yeah, I encourage everyone to think about what they’ve already got and what they can use and just be strategic, be creative, keep trying. Things change so quickly. You’ll find what works and then a few months later, it’s not working well. So you often have to step back and think it through, “Okay, what can I try?”
Sonya: Because those little ones grow at such a quick pace.
Ruth: They grow, they change.
Sonya: And re-evaluating, that’s a key, regularly, throughout the year. Like you said, you may not even get through an entire school year.
Ruth: Right. It’s a matter of months and now suddenly everything looks different. So yeah, keep trying. Don’t give up. It really is a special time for your first grader. You’re opening her eyes to so much more. I don’t remember the Charlotte Mason quote exactly, but it’s not so much what he knows as it is…
Sonya: …how much he cares about what he knows.
Ruth: How much he cares and putting him in a broad… what is it?
Sonya: A large room. “Set his feet in a large room.”
Ruth: Yes, so you’re starting to introduce her to this large room, and it is a special time. So it’s hard, but it’s worth trying and trying, and it’s okay to not achieve that beautiful picture in your head. You may get there one day; and I’m starting to get there as everyone is getting older, and now I’ve got a couple in grade school and now we’re a little bit more half and half and it’s working.
Sonya: Those are great ideas, and I appreciate your sharing from your experience for everybody to be encouraged that it doesn’t have to look perfect. It can look different for each person, but yet what you have walked through has some wonderful help for other people as well. And so what you shared today might be just the thing that others need to keep them encouraged and keep them going.
Ruth: I hope so.
Sonya: Thanks so much.
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