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Sheltering vs. Exposure
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I have nothing to add to this other than to encourage you and add my praise for the way you handled the situation. I agree with several of the other comments, and kinda wish we had a “like” button so we could ditto the comments made. 🙂
Sorry to be so late in getting back in on this discussion. We had a crazy weekend!
Anyway, Amyjane, to answer your question about how we expose our children to the lost…
We feel it is very important that our children understand that there is a local and world community full of lost and hurting people. Our children frequently ask questions about others’ behavior, language, or dress, and we do our best to answer them truthfully, but not judgmentally. We have always explained that not everyone knows the truth about Jesus like we do, but we must still love them and share God’s love with them, no matter what. Our children have been exposed to homeless people, although I don’t think we are called to that particular ministry at this point in our lives. Truthfully, I would love to be more involved in ministry to homeless and street people, but God is not opening those doors for us right now, so I take that as His way of saying it’s just not time yet.
We do use world events like floods, earthquakes, and tsunamis to pray for the people affected. And our children, are I think, slowly beginning to grasp that there are lots of people who are dying everyday without the saving knowledge of Christ. Our extended family is very involved in foreign missions and adoption, so we are thankful for those opportunities to show our children, once again, how much the world needs God’s love.
That said, I agree with what someone else posted about when Jesus began His ministry. He was a 30-year-old, grown man before he ever stepped foot into a god-less temple or had dinner with sinners. Right now, I feel it is my job to prepare my children for the world, rather than thrusting them into situations where they don’t know what to do. Also, it is my job to uplift and edify my children. I do not believe it would be edifying to them for me to place them in a situation that could cause them to stumble, simply for the purpose of exposing them. Rather, I would like to arm them first with God’s Word and the Holy Spirit’s empowerment BEFORE exposing them to the situations that require God’s Word and the Holy Spirit’s empowerment.
The best analogy I have is this: If my children were adults and wanted to compete in Olympic swimming, they wouldn’t just jump in the pool and hope they knew how to swim well enough to win the race. They would probably have been training for years. They would have learned to swim as children in the backyard or local swimming pool. Then, as their swimming abilities increased, we might hire a trainer to instruct them in strokes, breathing, and turning. They would probably enter some local or state competitions. Their training wouldn’t stop at the swimming pool either; they would have to be lifting weights and running in their off time, eating high protein/high carb meals to replenish energy, and getting enough rest. Only when they were truly prepared to jump in the Olympic swimming pool could they compete.
To me, it’s the same with the world. I can’t thrust the world on them at 5 and 7 and pray they know what to do. I must start at this tender, young age and begin training them for the “world’s olympics”, so to speak. As they get older and their mental, emotional, and spiritual abilities mature and increase, I will be able to give them more, show them more, and expose them to more. Just like it would be completely ridiculous and unfair for me to throw them in a pool and tell them to win the Olympics right now, it would also be ridiculous and unfair for me to throw them into the world and tell them to win the lost, eat with prostitutes and sinners, and do miracles in the name of Jesus.
We also feel that they are still babies in a lot of ways, at 5.5 and 7 years old. If the same situation had occurred with my mom five years from now, my reaction and “Momma Bear” instinct to protect probably wouldn’t have been quite as severe.
Anyway, I hope that is somewhat of a good explanation of our opinion on exposing our children to the world.
Do they need exposure to the world? Absolutely.
At 5 and 7? Maybe not as much as at 12 and 14 or 15 and 17. I can only give them what they can handle, and pray that God shows me and my husband where we need to loosen up or tighten the reigns.
Blessings,
Lindsey
Great thread here! It is so encouraging to read everyone’s responses to handling exposure of the world with our kids.
Lindsey, your mom sounds like a lot like mine. I have to bite my tongue too, or I might say something to cause more trouble. Your kids are so young and there is plenty of time for gently exposing them to things (with you and hubby along the way). The bible verse about teaching our kids when we lie down and walk along shows parents that our kids learn WITH us. Japan’s devastation can be an opportunity for discussion, using age appropriate material for reading and viewing…Another homeschool moment in the making! 🙂
May I also add in that when the Apostles who were married were sharing the Good News, there is no account of their wives and children going with them. One of the reasons Paul recommended against marriage was due to the attention, due to priority, a family takes from a man’s ministry to the world’s lost. If you lose your childern, your Biblically mandated priority, then they will not be capable of being a light in the darkness.
I think the whole of Scripture makes it very clear that, although the children heard the Word of G-d as a family, there aren’t any accounts of young children being a part of the ministry. Scripture clearly indicates that Children are the ministry of the family first; our duty, a father’s and a mother’s duty is to first minister to their family. Then the children, when they grow older, in turn, will go out into the world.
Does anyone ever wonder why there’s an ongoing joke about preacher’s sons and daughters and their wildness? It’s not due to a stricter environment and too much discipline from a preacher dad. Nope, just the opposite; it’s from a preacher dad being more involved with the shepherding of the Congregation than the shepherding of his family.
Do I think that nullifies any involvement to minister to people? No; I take my children to the nursing home for example. But when it could seriously interfere with the priority of raising them up to become born again, be discipled themselves and set apart, then we must make the correct decision according to their age and maturity levels.
From the perspective of a preacher’s dd,
Rachel
Love this thread and I would like to just add don’t ever be discouraged about protecting your children – it s the most important thing in the world – there is a lot of evil out there and it is getting worse. My daughters are now young adults and sometimes I worry that we have over protected them, but they are lovely, polite, well mannered young women who can hold a conversation with people and not use teen speak ie slang and bad words. They may not have as many friends as their PS peers, and they may not fit in with those teens, but they are not bothered by that and neither am I.
We have been touched twice by evil once as onlookers who saw a terrible situation unfold at a youth group at a church on a military installation and then saw it covered up, even though a lot of us tried to get it reported. Also we have had a more personal experience of evil. I should like to warn you all about not taking it for granted that a female restroom in a church or anywhere else for that matter is safe at all times. It would never have occurred to me that a female restroom would be a place where a young 4 year old and years later in a different setting another female would be attacked. The damage that is done through these evil deeds is lifelong and so never worry about protecting your children – and always watch for them – even at the places you think most safe. I don’t discuss this often as they are very painful memories, and I know from the mother of the 4 year old and from our own experience that the damage is immense and therefore – even when they are older, prepare them for their own safety. I admire all of you who stand up and don’t allow others to steer you from your path – we are considered odd in our neighborhood, because our girls do not hang out with the PS teens and wander the streets and the mall – but it is our choice and so we don’t much care what anyone thinks. Keep doing it, and don’t make your children afraid, but do teach them caution as they get more independent and warn them of the dangers. Linda
There is also the factor of watching a live visual image. It’s been proven with my kids over the years that if I read a book or tell them about a disaster, they process it differently than if they watch a re-enactment or live event on TV. For some reason it seems like God has given children a little breaker switch (if that’s what it’s called) that can help them take in only as much as they can handle at the time when listening to a book or a verbal presentation. The news doesn’t overload them because of that protective mental process. But when they watch it happening in front of them, that safety measure seems to be by-passed and those images seem to go down into the innermost parts of them and leave them very disturbed.
Should we keep our children informed? Yes. Should we show them live news coverage of a disaster or a crime? I would question the wisdom in that.
Great addition, Linda!
I would like to add that about bathrooms as well. My ds is 7, and I still refuse to allow him into a men’s restroom unless my dh is with him. That means every time we go to a store, theater, or anywhere, he goes to the bathroom with me, no matter what. I have gotten some stares in the women’s restroom before, but I don’t care. The only way I can protect my son is to keep him with me at all times, at least until he’s old enough to defend himself.
We also do not allow sleepovers, at our house or at any other’s house. My gut instinct has always told me NO.
Another kind of funny thing we do…we only have one Bath & Body Works in our town, which is in the mall. I LOVE their Wallflowers for my house, and try to stock up twice a year when they have their semi-annual sale. The only problem: our B&B is right across from a Victoria’s Secret. So, when we walk past VS, we have our children play a game. They have to close their eyes and keep them closed while we lead them past the VS. They have no idea that we’re trying to hide their eyes from pictures of mostly naked women!
So whether it’s a sleepover, restroom, or fear-inducing news, I do say that I’ll never look back and regret protecting my children. I just hope and pray that the Lord continues to give us as parents discernment to know when we need to cover our children’s eyes and ears and when we need to remove the covering.
Blessings,
Lindsey
I agree whole heartedly Lindsey and Sonya – our own personal experience was when the person was much older and sensible, but no-one can take on 3 young men with malice in their hearts who lie in wait until you get into what should be a private place, a female restroom, in a place that should have been safe. My daughters did not do sleep overs either, and I remember when 9/11 happened and I was in the UK – Ed had flown to the US that day, and I was beside myself – but I kept the news off, because I did not want the girls seeing all the awful footage. My mother watched and called me so I knew what was going on – it was about 10 hours later that I found out Ed was fine and his flight was one of those diverted after the fact. I wish more people would shelter and then perhaps we would not have such a debased society. Linda
Lindsey D-You sound just like me! We do the same thing at most every department store. We don’t allow sleepovers even with close relatives and you would be suprised at the looks I get when bringing my 4 YEAR OLD ds into the restroom with me. We too get lectured from my in laws about how we shelter our kids. My MIL is always saying “Let them be kids”, “you never let them do anything normal kids do”.So…letting them watch shows with grown up situations is being kids….letting them stay the night with families I barely know is being kids….I don’t think so! As the years go by I am so much more confident in my convictions and things don’t bother me as much as they used to. Our former pastor at one point called us into his office to discuss us not letting our kids participate in the youth program. He asked my husband if we thought we spent too much time with our kids. I was thinking are you serious? It’s just the way of the world I guess. I agree that among the “typical” American families I know we are considered “radical” or weird. I say that’s just fine with me! I have always used the annalogy of a new plant needing care before being put outside to explain sheltering when confronted with the question. However, I have never heard yours with the Olympics….I may have to snag that one. 🙂
Rachel-Thank you for your response as I’ve oftened questioned this too. My husband and I have not been called into the ministry that some of these ladies have but I have wondered about some of the things that you have brought up and I must say I have never thought of it that way. You explained things so well. Thank you for giving me more to read up on and think about. 🙂
Rachel I would love for you to share the verses in which Scripture “clearly” indicates that children are the ministry of the family first. And how does that contrast to Jesus telling us that whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me? (Matt. 10:37). I completely agree with the wisdom of timing and protecting our children. I don’t think I should throw my children to the wolves by no means. But our purpose is to go and make disciples of the nations – and yes that starts at home but for everyone it does not end there.
I am saying these things in complete humility but I don’t feel a peace about not saying them. I do not in any way want to cause disention on here but I feel that these declarations are very strong and I am not sure they are Biblical based – “clearly” If that were the case would all of the people who move their families to the “hood” were there are lots of drugs and sex and violence and prostitutes and the likes be in sin? They feel God has called their family to bring the gospel to these people. And it seems that if they did not go that they would be loving their son or daughter more than they loved God – thus disobeying God.
It seems to me that we follow God wherever He leads and in that leading we use wisdom and discretion in what we expose our children to – and don’t. But ultimatley, it is God who changes both the prostitute and my child’s heart and we have to trust that if he calls a family to go to the least of these that he will protect the child in the process and that he will use those things to change his heart.
Please hear this in humility,
Amy
Ditto on sleepovers and public restrooms. A friend of mine has a 12 year old son who was approached by a stranger at a local Walmart (he was just in the next aisle from his mom, looking at toys) and asked him to help him load something in his truck! He loudly yelled “MOM” and the man hustled out, but was caught by security. There was also a recent incident of a girl being molested in a Mexixan restaurant restroom by a worker nearby where we live.
We just never know…we can never be too careful. Preparing our kids for these situations is not really an option in my opinion, it is a wise thing that parents should seriously consider.
For resources to help with protecting your children I highly recommend:
The Gift of Fear and Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe and Parents Sane by Gavin de Becker
The Safe Child Book: A Commonsense Approach to Protecting Children and Teaching Children to Protect Themselves by Sheryll Kraizer
@AmyJane – Regarding families as our ministry, I’ll simply share a story. Some missionaries we know in the bush of Africa have been there for 20 years and led the first man to the Lord in the past few months. They have 4 kids, the third with a severe immune deficiency so bad that they planned her funeral at least 3 times when she was young. People questioned, “Why not move back to the states where there is medical care?” Their response, “God called us here and He hasn’t released us from that call. Even if it costs our daughter’s life, we will be obedient to Him.” See any similarities to Abraham? Fast forward 10+ years. This young lady is still alive and still has the immune system issue, but she’s healthier in Africa than when she’s here in the states. This family had a clear call to serve in this field even before they had kids. They obeyed. Their call didn’t change when their child’s life was in danger. They obeyed. I think of many examples like this – Jim Elliot and the Auca Indians, Bruchko, Hudson Taylor, etc. They obeyed no matter the cost. We simply must be aware of the one doing the calling and be quiet enough to hear His still small voice.
I think we must do the same, obey regardless of the cost. What that looks like might differ from family to family. God knows what we can handle and what we can’t. We must take it to Him and follow His lead. If He’s leading you to do something ministry wise, it isn’t wrong to question (think Gideon), but be prepared to answer His call whatever that might be.
My family and my children are my ministry right now, but not my sole ministry – I run a support group/co-op for homeschoolers and I serve on a state board for homeschoolers. Most of those that I serve are believers, but not all. Most of the kids are pleasant, but not all. I choose to keep my kids near me when there is an influence I’m unsure of from a peer. However, they will learn to deal with that through my example.
It is a fine line and what is too much exposure for one family to the sinful world isn’t for others. Kids are ready for things at different ages and stages. Prayer, wisdom and discernment all play important parts, but we may still mess up. That’s where grace and mercy come in. I’m not for thrusting my kids into ministry as I do realize that even Jesus was an adult when He began, but I do think each family’s circumstance might vary.
Don’t ask me why, I just know God equips each of us as we walk in obedience to Him. It looks different for different people. Take it to Him and He will show you. There may be some aspects of your ministry that are only for you and your husband to deal with and later you bring your kids in. Will He call you to sacrifice your children? Probably not, but He did ask Abraham and Abraham was willing. Will He always protect your children from harm? No, but He can redeem situations and people. Should you expose your kids to all of the world to reach the world? No, but your path might be different and some collateral damage will occur, it happens to all of us no matter our path.
Pray, read His word, wait on Him and listen for His still small voice, follow Him hard all the days of your life and you will hear, “Well done my good and faithful servant.”
My 2cents, more like 50. Sorry for rambling, it’s late and I’m sleepy, but I wanted to share it isn’t necessarily one or the other, our family or the world. There are seasons and they simply look different for each of us.
Blessings and good night,
Christie
Thank you Christie for the encouraging words. After much prayer my husband and I feel God calling us to join this team and plant a church in Seattle. This week we are going through the training with the North American Mission Board and just yesterday we listened to a group talk about the high rates of sex trafficing here in Seattle. My heart experienced such extremem emotions. One – brokeness for this depraved world and the reality that 7 year olds are reaping such terrible consequences of being born into this sin infested world and I also felt fear for my own children but as I prayed it was replaced by comfort from my father and vision for the lost. So we are not entering this calling with rose colored glasses. But we know that God is bigger than us and He cares more about my children than I do.
I was so encouraged as I was reading through some of CM’s writing the other day and she encouraged us to to NOT sweeten this world for our children with rose water or soften it with a cushion. In the same place she spoke of putting a plant under a glass dome. Sure it will thrive in the protection of the glass but as soon as the glass is removed shock usually sets in and the plant is not strong enough to survive.
We are asking God for wisdom and discrection in knowing when to shelter our kids from this terrible world but more than that we are asking for wisdom and Guidance to know how to help them filter all of this life through the word of God in hopes that as they see the sin and corrupt and all of the others looking to find God in the wrong ways, that their hearts will be moved with compassion just as Jesus was. We pray that they see their own need for Jesus as we seek to help others see their need for a Savior.
Just this week, God brought to mind a prayer that I prayed for my life for years as a new believer. It was on the inside cover of my first Bible. I have since changed Bibles and so I don’t see it like I use to but this week the Holy Spirit reminded me. It is a prayer by Betty Scott Stam:
“Lord, I give up all my own plans and purposes, all my own desires and hopes, and accept Thy will for my life. I give myself, my life, my all utterly to Thee to be Thine forever. Fill me and seal me with Thy Holy Spirit. Use me as Thou wilt, work out Thy whole will in my life at any cost, now and forever.”
She and her husband became missionaries to China and were marched to their deathbed (beheaded) as their infant baby was left behind in it’s crib in their home.
So as we move forward we pray that God will use us as He will, and work out His whole will in our life whatever that cost may be. He is so worthy of it.
Amy
Amy, I commend you and your husband for what you are doing, and I wish you much success as a family. Whether we like it or not, we do live in an evil and fallen world, and just like being able to defend our faith when necessary, we need to be able to defend ourselves – if we live in the dark about such matters as sex trafficing and try and protect our children from all that is evil, they will not be able to defend themselves, they will walk into the world like lambs to the slaughter. By this I do not think we should be overwhelming them with the evils and filth in the world, but we should be preparing them for it in an age appropriate and loving way. We will not always be there to protect them, and so the training must start while they are with us safe in our homes. If my daughters never know what horrors are out there, they will not be able to protect themselves or help those who may be in need of help. I agree so much with your post Amy, and I am confident that you will do a wonderful job, I pray for you and the ministry – it is an important one in this day and age – no-one should be avoiding saving the lives or trying to help these children who are in such terrible despair and danger, we should all be doing our part to assist in whatever way we can. I am involving myself in crisis work for young females, and though it is shocking and horrifying, it is important that these young women have Christian mentors who can talk with them and try and help them – we should not in my opinion be leaving this to the secular world. Good luck and I wish you many blessings. Linda
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