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Sheltering vs. Exposure
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I am starting this topic because of a recent “discussion” between my mom and me regarding sheltering my children from outside influences.
Last week, the kids and I were at her house. It was last Friday, when the earthquake and tsunami happened in Japan. Because we do not have TV stations at all, I had no clue that such a horrific tragedy had occurred. When we arrived at her house, she immediately asked me if I’d heard about the earthquake, to which I replied that I hadn’t. So she went into her living room and turned on the TV to Fox News. My children were sitting in her living room floor, having a snack. I told my mom that I would rather my children not see the news footage. She just didn’t understand why. After her questioning me several times in front of my children about my request that she turn the TV off, I finally asked her to speak with me privately.
She told me that I couldn’t shelter my kids from the world forever and that I have control issues. I stayed calm (although that was hard) and explained to her that it’s not that I don’t want my children to know about the world’s events, but I don’t feel like watching it on the news is the best way for them to be exposed to such things. She reminded me that I had told them about Haiti’s earthquake last year. And she’s right. But the way I chose to do it was to find YouTube videos, prescreen them, and then show them to the kids. I was mentally prepared, you know? I also told her that if she thought I had control issues, that was fine, but that it’s ultimately my first priority to protect my children. If they had seen people running from a burning home or a dead body in the street, there’s no way they could un-see it. That image would be burned into their minds forever, and they’re only 7 and 5.
Later that weekend, my husband and I did pull up some YouTube videos, and armed with what the Bible says about the last days, we had a very informative and productive discussion with the kids. There was no fear in them about the events whenever we were able to explain that, according to the Bible, these events must happen as part of what God told us things would be like before Christ’s return.
We want our children to know about world events. We want them to be aware of the times we’re living in, if for no other reason than to pray for people who don’t know Christ. After that discussion about the earthquake, my ds7 even asked, “Mommy, do people die even if they’re not saved?” It was such a teachable moment, and I pray that it ignited something in him to desire to share the Gospel always, because we never know who needs to hear it.
All that to ask: how do you find a balance between exposing your children to the world and sheltering them from it? Whether it’s world events or worldly ideals and morals, how do you strike that balance?
I don’t want to create super-cloistered, totally unprepared adults by not purposefully exposing them to things they need to know about in order to make wise decisions. But I also don’t want to introduce too much.
It’s a fine line to walk, and I’m trying to find the balance.
Any experience or personal stories are welcome!
Blessings,
Lindsey
As their mom, it is your decision when and how they should learn about these things. At 7 and 5 I think it is perfectly reasonable to screen what thye watch. You never know what they will show on the news. Personally, I do shelter my kids from some things. Earthquakes don’t bother me. I would rather they learn about things like that. But I do try to give a biblical context and explain that God is in control of these events.
It is a fine line, Lindsey, and I think all of us who choose not to throw our children in the pit so they can learn to fight their way out are challenged by these issues. I personally think you are VERY right in this particular situation. Honestly, I don’t think it’s healthy for us to continually watch all that footage they put on TV…children AND adults. I remember on 9/11, how many times did we see that plane crash into that building??? I think it’s a great idea to carefully select and screen what images you want your child to see, and do it with Bible in hand. We want to give them hope in a fallen world, not despair, and that’s all the world offers. You can use these opportunities to pray for people, nations and our world. You could find ways to minister to people who are in these situations. But I don’t think we need to shove their faces in it all in the name of “exposure.”
We all have to make those decisions for our own children. I pray that God will give us all discernment.
Lindsey, you did what so many of us have a difficult time doing with our parents. I am so proud of you! Praise God for the discernment and steadfastness you have shown.
‘Real life’ happens all too soon for our children. It will creep in as time goes on; meaning, as they get older the topics that you discuss, expose them to, etc. will be more mature. I love the analogy of a sapling tree – we don’t plant it out in the midst of the winter storm hoping it will survive. We nurture it and tend until it is strong enough to not just survive, but thrive.
We have an interesting dynamic going on in our home in that the oldest is 22 and the youngest is 6. By nature of maturity, the topics and liberties are broader for the older ones but the littles are often right there in the midst getting exposed to stuff that I’m not always totally comfortable with. However, because we did ‘shelter’ the older ones, the topics are not way out of line, and are addressed biblicly. All that to say, do what God has laid on your heart to do for your children now, because they will be the ones sowing into the younger ones later on, should God bring more children to you.
We understand authority, and know that God makes no mistakes in putting our particular children under our care. He knows what is coming ‘down the pike’ for our guys and knows what strengthening they need while they are with us. So, while what we do may sound weird to others, it’s the Holy Spririt guiding us and we can rest in that.
Blessings (and good job, Mom!!),
Cindy
Lindsey
As far as current world events go, I listen to NPR new in the morning while I am making breakfast and checking the computer. I know it is a liberal news production but it is the only news on the radio in the morning where I can just hear what is going on in the world. If I hear about an event such as the earthquake, I then check the computer like you did with youtube for video and more information, then I will sit down with the children. If you do chose to listen to NPR just be forwarned to find out when the news is. They play other “stories” at other times that are “artsy” and can be inappropriate if your children are around. This is usually on the classical music radio station.
Another thought would be to check Fox or some other news network on the computer for headlines to see if there is anything in the world to be aware of.
I just thought I’d throw out a few options on how to be more informed. I think knowing what is going on in the world is important especially as christians. One of the many things I have remembered through the years from my former protestant days is “keep the bible in one hand and a newspaper in the other”. I know our time is as homeschooling mothers is limited so listening to the radio while working or checking headlines on the computer are quick and easy ways to stay informed of current events.
HTH
Blessings,
Ruth
Lindsey – it is so hard to always have to defend your methods, isn’t it? We didn’t have TV growing up and our bishop had the nerve (he was young and only 2 small rambunctious children) to tell my mother that she was sheltering her children so much that they would never be able to function in the “real world” Funny that! We have 8 children, all the boys were Eagle scouts, 3 of us served full time missions for our church all the girls completed the Young Women program for girls and got the highest award, we all graduated hs, went to college – most of us had some type of scholarship (2 of my siblings even had full ride National Merit Scholarships), married and had families. We are all self-sufficent, etc… One of my brothers is a County Assesser and another is a Chemical engineering Phd working on breast cancer research who travels all over the world to conferences. Not able to function in the real world — whatever!
I wish we could come up with a snappy retort like the lady who posted about socialization and how she appoints a bully and a nerd everyday so her children will be socialized properly! That was on another thread and I laughed so hard! Her response was that the socialization question was ridiculous – and so is this from the community at large. Right now you are stinging a bit and maybe doubting your decision mostly because it is your mother questioning. That seems to make things more serious, at least for me. =)
By carefully selecting the exposure your children have to the media and the distortion of life portrayed there, you are giving them a precious gift – they will be able to READ and THINK for themselves, they will have learned how to do things, compassion, service, self-sufficency skills, etc. You are doing the best thing for your family. Trust yourself and God. You are not ruining your children for life. Hang in there! You are doing a great job!
I really can’t add to to the encouragement and wisdom expressed here. The ideas of going to the main page of Fox News.com to check out the headline news is an excellent solution. Just thought I’d add that there is Fox news radio on the computer, too.
Also, The Blaze, is a highly researched news site that also provides less exposed stories that I recommend. Though there are some stories and videos that I avoid, it covers the radical elements of our society that are emboldened currently, which other news sources dismiss. For knowledge of what’s happening in Israel and the surrounding area, I recommend checking out the Israeli news sites when you can, since our media here, for the exception of a few people, does not cover it as well as Israeli papers do.
Rachel
I think you did the right thing as well. My children never see the news and I don’t watch it much either. Watching bad things happen day in and day out makes for a nervous person, and the Lord commands us to not let our heart be troubled and never let it be afraid. I agree watching images over and over like 9/11 can make us too afraid and nervous. We need to hear about the events but don’t necessarily need to SEE them.
Tara
Lindsey, I know your example was regarding TV but I would love to raise the question respectfully here about how you all choose to shelter/expose your children to the lost and all the messiness that it sometimes brings. We are currently praying through joining a new church plant in our city. We live in Seattle, the least unchurched/evangelized city in the US (I believe). There are only 4% professing Christians here but it is home to over 190 languages. The nations are represented just down the streets. We feel God calling us to do this but with a church plant – evangelization is key – thus being with the lost. And with this comes my children being around the children of the lost parents.
When I look at the example that Jesus sat for us on earth he spent his days with sinners. He was perfect and holy and yet he came for the least of these and calls us to do the same. So in your eyes what does this look like? Having the conviction that God has called us first and foremost to love Him and serve Him more than our children (Matt 10:37). There is a lost and dying world that is full of dirty rotten filth all around us and the only way for them to know Jesus is for me to go and tell them. And just like Jesus did – it takes dining with them, investing in them, loving them which means my kids will be around all of this too. I so wish God spoke directly to this and just told me to take them and trust Him – or not to take them. But he gives us His life on earth as our example. So how do we balance this? What would/should it look like.
I would love to hear thoughts and I hope you don’t feel like I am stealing the post. I think it goes along witht the sheltering/exposing but in a different avenue.
Thanks,
Amy
I wish I had more time to read the others posts and reply, but for now… have you heard of Gods World News for kids? It keeps with current news & events from a biblical perspective. You are a wonderful Mother, Lindsey ~ doing a beautiful work in raising your children with hearts that please the Lord.
G-d’s World News is what we’ve used for all of their HS’ling years. It’s an excellent publication.
I wish I had time to get into the question posed by Amy. Maybe later after I check off my to-do list a little more?
Rachel
I don’t think I can add much more advice, as the advice from others has been wonderful. From a psychological prospective, I think you did exactly the right thing. At those young ages, it is difficult for children to process that type of information. I think as parents, it it our duty and responsibility, to carefully consider all that our children are exposed to, whether that be media or events. My son does know that an earthquake and tsunami occurred, that some people lost their lives and we remember those people in our prayers. I am not sure how others lead prayer regarding tramatic events, but I pray that God will use the event to draw people who are not believers to Him, the only way for us to be truly saved – we cannot be saved by our buildings or our preparations or our knowledge. I think exposing children to ADULT programs and expecting them to cope is asking way too much. Rather, screening some aspects to present to them, while reminding them that God, who spoke the world into existence is in charge, provides some comfort and perspective for young minds. There is a big difference in exposing our children to media meant for adults and gently informing them of issues while keeping the focus on WHO is in charge.
My response to my relatives’ “sheltering” accusations is to refer them to study what the Bible says regarding their accusation, to study Human Growth and Development for at least one year, to consult with a pediatrician with at least 40 years experience, to consult with a psychologist with at least 23 years experience, and to review at least a dozen peer-reviewed research or case studies regarding their request for me to change my parenting methods and then to get back to me on whether their research indicates that I should make a change. If I spend so much time praying and researching (including and especially Biblically researching) on the way I should raise my child, I would expect that someone who wants me to change my methods to do some of their own. I would say that very few people question my parenting decisions any longer – too much work is involved for them to have their advice carry any weight! My further response to sheltering is to ask if you are going to chose not to shelter, children will be exposed to everything. Should we go ahead and expose children to EVERYTHING of the world, cursing, drinking, sex, drugs, war, death, torture, etc.? Where is the line drawn? Do we start teaching them all the things in the world at birth? There is a reason why we do not.
We as parents have to measure not only what we believe should be taught when, but also what our children are capable of learning of at certain times. There are things that I know cause my son intense anxiety – should I cause him to have anxiety attacks just for the sake of “not sheltering” him? You, as your children’s mother, know what they can and cannot handle. I think you handled the situation exactly as you should have. Our current society believes that we should not shelter children at all, and look how well that is working…
We used God’s World News when our girls were little as well, as they got older we would talk about the things they read and then as teens we read World Magazine, The Washington Times, and Townhall magazine – we do watch Fox News once a day to catch up with the news. As young adults now, they need to show discernment in their choices and now of course it is their choice – so they choose to research topics of interest online and discuss with me and their dad. They choose to occasionally watch Fox, and they have been very moved by the plight of the Japanese. As little children at the age yours are though Lindsey, I sheltered them from those things just like you do. We would talk about disasters and things that sometimes happen. but mostly from books designed to teach those things. I think you are doing fine. Blessings, Linda
Amy, As we understand authority, we can rest in the knowledge that God will protect our little ones in any situation He calls us into. Just as I cannot drag our family into an area/activity just because someone else is doing it, neither can I judge another family for what they are doing, or not doing. That can be hard on us moms who are tempted to compare ourselves to others!
Practically, what that looks like to me is just what you are doing – praying! I think that you and your husband are remarkable. I can sense your desire to follow after the Lord with all that you have. Should he lead you into this ministry, I can tell that your plan will be one of continually seeking deeper discernment.
It may be that you do not take part in every activity. I remember how freeing it was for me when we began to say, periodically, to the Sunday School teacher, “We’ve just covered that in our homeschool, we’ll keep our children with us in the service for now.” That allowed us to constantly be on the frontline of doing what was best for our own children without offending. Staying with them can also be an avenue to minister, yet protect. My reply to questions regarding that tactic was, “My child’s just not ready for ____ without one of us there.” That way, we were always lifting up the other party without compromising our own standard.
I agree that Jesus went where the sinners were. He also was grown and he had spent 40 days in the wilderness in order to prepare for his ministry. I’m not sure how to compare that to our own children in the here and now, but I’m sure that even if there is not an immediate comparison, there is a goal that we should be pointing them toward.
As we wives pray for our husbands and are careful to remain under their authority; as we teach our children about God’s authority structure, He will make a way for us to do whatever He calls us to and to do it with victory!
Blessings,
Cindy
Amyjane,
Hi, there,
First, I want you to know I do have a similar burden. We spend quite a bit of time with inner city kids in Denver, CO. We are hoping to make a positive impact on them and have been spending time with them for 6 years now. They come to our homes on weekends occasionally. Some of them never sleep in a bed unless they come here. However, as my kids are getting older, I must confess I worry a little about the impact these kids may have on my own…not enough to quit reaching, but enough to think very carefully. My recent revelation in scripture is exactly what you mentioned…Jesus eating with the publicans and sinners. I’ve read the passages many times, but for the first time, it jumped of the page that HE sat to eat and they came to HIM. When Noah entered the ark, only his wife, three sons, and their three spouses went with him. Later, it says Noah saved the world. The point is our family is our world. It does not matter how many drug addicts, prostitutes, or just good unbelievers we save if we lose our own family. I am continuously praying that I make the correct decisions in my household to balance reaching the lost and saving my family, and I will pray you do the same. I hope this will help you find the balance you need. 🙂
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