Modest clothing for mom

I was about to post a similar question as morgrace but for the cooler weather.  I enjoyed the blogpost by ResasPieces as well.   I have been a jeans girl all my life, but it is getting exasperating being a smaller size and trying to find attactive jeans that sit a little higher than 5 inches below my belly-button.  (I have boys; I don’t even want to imagine what it’s like trying to find modest, attractive clothing for a pre-teen and teen girl these days.)  Jeans are also starting to annow me with the sagging and such, so I have also started to wear more skirts.  They seem more comfortable and make me feel more feminine, which is nice when you sit at home with young kids all day!  I have also been very confused with what the Bible really intends as far as modest and femine appearance.  But anyway, I enjoyed wearing a lot of skirts this past summer and  I made some of my own using the directions in the Sew What Skirts book.  I can wear summer cotton skirts with sandals and such, but my question is, how do you wear skirts and dresses in the colder months?  Are they super long?  What kind of shoes do you wear?  Do you wear tights or hose?  Any options to keep warm besides tights or hose (which I dislike immensely)?  Thanks for your opinions!

For extra warmth you can wear ankle length leggings and boots under a longer skirt, and it looks good. 

I wear capris to ride a bicycle. 😉

But in winter I wear long thick jean or corduroy skirts and I wear leggings underneath or just knee high socks. 

Hmmm, this is a very interesting topic.  I am pretty new to this forum, so I will try to word my replies very politely…I don’t want to offend anyone. 

I believe that modesty is a personal moral decision, and one that is unfortunately largely made the responsibility of women.  Unfortunately, a good deal of the sexualization of women in the media (and hence in the way that clothes are marketed) is due to male demand.  And perhaps it is the fact that, being a military spouse, I am around large numbers of young males, but I notice a great deal of purposeful sexualization and “showing off” among young men I see in public.  Unfortunately, of course, I see a huge amount of the same among their wives/girlfriends as well.  I recently posted something on my Facebook about the sexualization of women in the media/clothing industry, and a male friend wrote back a little offended, saying that he had the exact same issue with how men are presented in the media, and thus how they feel they “need” to present themselves; but he felt the issue was seen to be more about the objectification of women than of men.  (And it’s true: while women are more visible, images of men are highly sexualized too.  And young men’s clothing lines advertise very sexually.)

So: I do not believe that either gender should dress in such a way as to accentuate sexuality in any way (for me personally: no cleavage, no bare shoulders, no very tight clothing, no miniskirts, no high leather boots or anything else that while not “immodest”, per se, is associated with sexual dress/behavior.  For my husband: no tight jeans, “skinny” t-shirts, or faddish clothing.)  But I also believe that women are created by God to be equal in every way with men, and therefore should not be inhibited by more of a requirement that they cover their bodies than there is for men…again, NOT to say that they should be flaunting.  I am extremely offended when I pass a woman in public who is letting it “all hang out” for obvious reasons.  My husband is good about averting his eyes, but I dread the day when I have to start talking to my son about these things, because the media and public are so saturated with inappropriate sexuality. I hardly know where to begin, but have noticed a couple of good pointers in this thread; so thank you.

On the skirts issue, I fully understand why some women choose to wear skirts only, and I respect that; but I certainly feel quite uncomfortable with the idea, for myself.  There are a few reasons for this (and I do wear both pants and mid-length to long skirts, by the way.  I do not wear any skirts above the knee.) 1) Again, I don’t think there should be a restriction on women and their activity levels in this way that men do not have.  And 2) it is hard for me to think of a polite way to say this…but in some ways I honestly believe pants are MORE modest.  My husband frequently works with very frank, a lot of men prefer seeing/fantasizing about a woman in a skirt because of the “ease of access” aspect.  I find that extremely offensive, and a reason to wear pants.  3) I feel more comfortable and feel that I am taken more seriously in pants than a skirt.  This is purely personal, and possibly it is my perception, but skirts look “pretty” to me, and I feel that I am taken more seriously as an individual if I don’t look “flowy” or “pretty”. I know too that there are skirts out there that are NOT like that.  I just feel more professional in, say, a pair of black pants and a dress shirt…something that to me doesn’t scream “gender” or “girl”. 

Public pools: ARGHH!!!  This is a really, really tough one.  I agree with someone above who said that bathing suits provide basically the same coverage as underwear, and if we don’t walk around in our undies, why walk around (or have to look at others walking around) in something equivalent?  Yuck.  At this point in our lives, my son (4) and I go to the pool (he has sensory issues and LOVES the water, so it is very good for him), but my husband does not.  It is just too much of a problem for him to have to be around that many mostly naked women.  That being said, a HUGE thank you to those of you who posted some of the modest bathing suit sites!  I was not familiar with those, and will definitely be ordering from one of them this year.  That at least solves my issue with not showing too much skin *myself*.  I suppose as my son gets older, we are going to have to make firmer decisions with how to approach that.

I hope I haven’t offended anyone; these opinions are offered quite respectfully, and with understanding of different perspectives, as I have dear friends with all opinions on this issue….from extremely conservative (not me) to extremely liberal (again, not me.)  Thanks for a very interesting thread and lots of good information!

I, too agree that a toddler wearing a bikini isn’t acceptable just because of their age. I think it sets up for a bad problem later on down the road. Besides, the increase in pedophiles in our society is getting worse.

My son wears a tank top like shirt when he goes swimming. Not only does it add an element of modesty for him, but it protects his very white skin. My dad always did; I never saw my dad walk around the house, or outside doing yard work, without his shirt on. My husband is from Miami and it was different for him growing up, so we’ve had to revisit this topic before about that and thankfully he has swayed my way. We never wore our bathing suits away from the beach or pool, without a covering; it just wasn’t proper. However, that has changed these days. I prefer to stay away from public pools, not just for skin issues (my son is very visual) but due to the chlorine, too. We have lakes around here that we go to and there aren’t as many people there.

I’ve come to believe that a one piece, without a skirt, isn’t modest enough. I like the covering by a skirt of the front part of a female’s private area and the bottom part. I was convinced of this when my dd was around 6, when in her one piece, you could see, well…lines in the front and her little bottom, which is quite round, gradually protruded out from the bottom of the suit. It was way too obvious. So from now on, she and I both will have little bathing skirts to cover our front and rear.

As for headcoverings, no I do not do it out, but as a married, Messianic Gentile woman, I cover my head when lighting the Sabbath candles and the rest of the evening at home and during the worship time, and while the Scroll is out and we are reading from it. The purpose, in Jewish tradition, is that the glory of a man is woman; so when she is welcoming the Sabbath on Fri. night, she covers her own glory so as to bring more attention to the glory of G-d. I don’t feel compelled in my spirit to do this daily yet and in public (if G-d so desires, that may change) , but I do know other Jews, Messianic Jews and Gentiles who do, in the tradition of Rebekah, as married or engaged women; it’s not a modesty issue (not a sexual issue) but more of a headship one (which is different than in the Muslim community). I only know a few who do it daily, but many others who do it during services. Single women do not cover themselves. We also have a community of German Baptists around town who also cover their heads.

My dd wears leggings under her dresses. Sleeveless shirts and dresses are fine as long as they don’t “gape” under the arms, where you can see her chest (same goes for me); she’s very active and gets hot (has sensory temperature regulation problems, too). Obviously, no mid-driffs, I determine the acceptability of the cut in front, i.e. how low it goes, and I test shirts out for length by her raising her arms up in the air to see how far it comes up. She, at 10, wears a cotton under-thing under her tops now. She also wears pants, too, as long as they aren’t the low type, we prefer a belt, but that doesn’t always happen and they shouln’t be too tight. Capris and shorts that come to the knee in summer. For both of us, a bath robe to cover PJs, in the winter and especially in the summer, in which to walk around the house (an off shoot from my raising). I also teach them how they both should sit; as that is a modesty issue, again, due to my raising.

In the winter, my son, wears his katan (the undershirt with the blue and white fringes on the four corners) as a means to obey G-d’s instructions and a tank undershirt, in the traditon of my dad, who has always worn an undershirt. I didn’t push this, he decided himself to do it. He’s very naturally modest.  In the summer, being in Ga., he doesn’t wear the katan, just the fringes tied to his belt loops, but he still likes to wear the cotton tank-style undershirts. His pants can’t be low cut at the waist either (as in what happens when they bend over) nor the baggy, sloppy kind.

For myself, not too crazy about any type of shorts, even in the heat of summer. I enjoy my jeans and my dress pants; I also enjoy calf-length, A-line style skirts or knee-length with a flare towards the bottom, with cowboy boots in the winter! I enjoy feminine-cut pant suits and shirts that flare (or not) 1/2 way down the arm; sleeveless or those mini sleeves, in the hot Ga. summer. I like to be comfortable, I don’t like to look like a slob or wear things that hang; but being curvy, and wanting to feel feminine, I like clothes that are cut for a female shape, but I always have to be discerning about the ‘snugness’ factor, too.

Rachel