Modest clothing for mom

Finally getting a chance to chime in here.  For hubby and me, we have slightly different ideas of what “modest” means.  For us, I have to go with my own gut feeling for my own clothing and help the children make good decisions based on both my dh’s and my feelings.

I’ll answer your questions first:

1. Do you consider a sleeveless top modest?  (not spaghetti straps just sleeveless) Why or why not. 

*Depends on the shirt.  I used to wear them, back in my not-quite-as-modest days, but I hated my bra strap peeking out.  I haven’t been able to find any I like that don’t do that, so I just don’t wear them because of that.

2. At what length do you consider a top to be modest? 

*Like pretty much everyone else said, it can’t show any tummy skin when lifting my arms.  That said, I have shorter shirts that work great over my skirts that come at natural waist, but do not work in the least with my 1 pair of jeans I own, simply because nearly all jeans nowadays are at hip-level.  🙁  So I pick and choose very carefully on the days I choose to wear jeans.

3. How do you decide if skirts or pants are too fitted?

*Skin-tight is a no-no.  If it shows curves (other than hips), it’s a no-no.

4. At what length do you consider a skirt or shorts to be too short?

*For me personally, I like them below the knee.  I don’t know why, I think I just feel “safer” with them longer than shorter.  I used to wear shorter skirts, and I became aware that too much leg showing can attract male attention – and not just from young-to-middle-age adults or teens, if you know what I mean.    For my girls, it has to be at least mid-thigh, even for the youngest.

5.  How you deal with being around people that are totally immodest?

*I try very hard not to make a big deal of it around the kids, unless it’s that bad that we just have to leave.  If the kids were to ever ask me about it (they haven’t yet), I’d tell them that everyone has to make a choice about #1, if they will love the Lord, and #2, if they will, then in what ways the Lord will lead them to follow Him.  In other words, everyone is led differently by God, and at different times in their lives.  I know I have friends who are Christians, but still single, or at least childless, who don’t think that what they wear (or don’t wear?) makes anyone look at them badly.  I know differently, and have talked to them about it, but I guess they don’t believe me, or don’t want to look at the truth?  IDK.

6. Do you avoid public pools or just prepare your children?

*Neither.  Swimming is fun for our kids, and for us.  So we do go to pools and beaches.  We only wear 1-piece suits (which is actually quite embarrasing for me, but I’m not willing to go with more modest swimsuits because then I’d stick out like a sort thumb, kwim?  I am an introvert, and I hate being the center of attention.), my dh and son just wear swim trunks, no shirt.  Although my dh, that is the only time he will be shirtless.  He mows the lawn and works out and whatever else with a shirt on.  We don’t prepare the kids for what they’ll see because #1, they’re used to it, and #2, why draw attention to it before they actually are ready to notice other people like that?

7.  Is there any immodest clothing issue you see regurarly I forgot?

*I recently read something somewhere that mentioned men answering a survey question about pants on women.  They said that anything with a line draws their eyes to follow that line.  So when we wear pants, they start at the bottom and follow that line up……  It just confirmed in my mind that jeans are for my husband’s eyes only.  My rule is, if my hubby thinks it’s s**y, then many other males do, too.  As I mentioned earlier, it is not just teen boys and young men and middle-aged men looking – it’s children and grandpas, too.  It makes me want to cover up just because of those reasons.

I also wanted to say, with the discussion about Europe vs. America and the societal acceptance of nudity/skin, while I wish we could go back to Garden of Eden days, we cannot.  I understand a difference in culture (when you grow up with something, it’s not as big a deal than if you didn’t), but coming from Europe to America, and trying to train your children to do it the European way, probably won’t work.  There just isn’t that same degree of acceptance here as there, and so your kids won’t be exposed to it in the same way someone growing up in Europe will be.  Does that make sense?

OK, so hubby and I disagree on levels of “modesty.”  He wants me to look good for him and not so covered up, and I want to stay out of view of the kids and especially the windows if I’m going to look like that, kwim?    He thinks pants are perfectly fine – I say no, though I will wear jeans on occasion, but for my reasoning above with the lines, I think I am right in where other men might be looking at me, and I don’t want to cause them to stumble.  He thinks skirts are great, as long as they’re somewhat “fashionable,” ie, no corduroy, jean, jumpsuits, and the like.    I agree with him.  My skirts are stylish, even my long white one that looks almost like a prairie skirt (fave one, btw – wearing it now).  I sometimes get them on clearance (OK, REALLY good clearance) from places like Macy’s, Sears, Penney’s, Kohl’s, and the like.  Sometimes I find great ones at thrift stores/Goodwill, etc.  Once in a while I’ll find a good one at Walmart or Target.

For our girls, I am lucky in that in the spring/summer/fall they prefer dresses/skirts.  My girls are girly-girls when it comes to clothing.  In the winter, I have 2 that prefer skirts, and 1 that prefers pants simply because they’re warmer (she hates tights).  We have decided that they can choose how they want to dress, within reasonable limits, of course.  If they’d like to wear pants, that is fine, as long as they meet with Mom and Dad’s approval.

As for our son, he’s not quite 2, but I can already feel his eyes watching me if I dress in front of him or use the bathroom with him in there with me.  Our girls were fast with noticing differences, as well, so I’m not sure if this is just our family or most children.  He hasn’t nursed since he was like 3 or so months old, btw, so it’s not that.  I want to shield his eyes from his sisters and his mom so that we in his own household don’t become a stumbling block to him, kwim?

OK, that was lengthier than I intended.  But I hope it gives you some thoughts to ponder!

Like several others I was determined I wasn’t coming near this discussion.  

I’ve been wondering how many of those who are less…strict (?) on their clothing choices have just girls.  I think at one point I use to feel that way, until my first son started noticing.  He’s 13 1/2 now and I am SO much more aware of what girls are wearing because it affects my sons.  They are bombarded with images everywhere.  I have been known to turn magazines around at Walmart because the cover is basically pornographic and they should not have to fight that fight while checking out.  I also don’t want my daughters to see it and compare themselves to that and think that’s how they should dress.  While I agree that there is no one thing that gets all men, there are things that as women and young ladies we can avoid that might cause men and boys, husbands and future husbands, to stumble.  I know that my son struggles with this issue and I feel so bad for him when girls aren’t considerate.  

On a funny note, I found it amusing that today’s Adventures in Odyssey was about this very topic!  It was a good listen for girls!    It’s called Modesty is the Best Policy at http://www.whitsend.org/

Jackie, those swimsuits are so cute and very modest!! I wish I’d know about the site before I ordered suits this year. I came across this site also:http://www.modestswimwearsolutions.com/&nbsp

I didn’t know such suits existed!

Tara

Amy, For those times where I would have bloating and the like, I would buy tunic type tops, that are longer in the body and have a little extra room for those times that bloating occurs.  There are some pretty styles out there to suit most occasions.  Ypu can get tunic style dresses or tops and they work great.  I also like A Line style dresses and tops and they have a little extra room and skim the body rather than cling.  Hope that helps.  In regards your mom, I would have a word and tell her that a changing room is a must for your little girl, it is not appropriate for her to do that in the store in my book.  SaraB I understand what you are saying about raising children the European way and then trying to have them live that way here – won’t work – it has not hurt me in any way and I was raised in Europe and my daughters spent the first 13 years over there and have done fine.  It is interesting to me also that sexual crimes against women and children is far worse here in the US than it is in Europe, statistics prove this time and time again.  I felt safer living in Europe than I ever have here – and I fear far more for my daughter’s wellbeing here than I ever did in Europe.  Many countries in Europe have far lower teenage pregnancies than here and so on – so being more forthcoming on the sex education front and not being overly uptight about the human form does not necessarily make you safer from the attentions of men and I sometimes think a more open attitude is healthier.  I am naturally quite modest, but would I am sure fail the modesty standards of some people, but we have to do what we are comfortable with, and I have never shied away from teaching my daughter’s about the perils that are out there in the world, they will be living in that world and I need them to understand it – I do not believe in overprotecting them in that way – because then they will be in danger.  We all have different ideas and that is great – I respect what all you ladies are saying, and my view may be different to yours, not so much in the way I dress though for some it would be, but overall my attitude to sex education in the early teen years taught at home, and my attitude to preparing the girls for the future – my experience has been that better to be prepared.  I have lived in the UK, Germany and Australia, and as a woman and a girl the only place I have ever been threatened or felt menaced sexually has been here – that tells me that I need to prepare the girls and I have.  Interesting discussion.  Linda

I just happened upon a blog post today that is really well thought out about this topic (though it focuses on the skirt vs. pants discussion) with Biblical background:  http://truefemininity.blogspot.com/2011/03/skirts-vs-pants.html 

And now I will go on to think a little more about my summer wardrobe…my husband loves me to wear strappy sundresses (I wear strapless bras with them) and I hadn’t thought about them being immodest.  Hmmm…I think if they fit nicely and are not too short they’re fine.  Is the issue with showing my back? 

About skirts… I’d like to find some for everyday wear in summer. For those of you that wear them frequently, where do you find them (I’m not much of shopper) or do you make them yourself? Thanks!