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Modest clothing for mom
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We tell our kids that each family can make there own choices and these are the choices we are making. When they are marries and have a family they can make the choices they believe are right. I am guessing a four year old at the beach will have a million other cool things to explores than the bikini on the girl on the next towel! As far as whether other people are making choices that are pleasing to the Lord, I would not tell my kids that other families, because of the way they are dressed, are not concerned with pleasing the Lord. That is a heart issue and something that can one can only judge for themselves. With all respect, that is just my personal thoughts on it. Prayer and personal conviction would be the best guide for finding standards for each family.
A women whom I respect, and who has boys, mentioned to me once that their strategy at the beach was to pull their beach chairs up close to the water’s edge. That position drastically cut down on people “parading” in front of their boys’ eyes.
I like comfort, modern and modesty, too.
I’m a thirty-something, trendy mom.
1. Sleeveless tops: We do wear sleeveless tops that don’t show anything other than our shoulders and arms. We will wear spaghetti strap tops underneath other tops. I have no problem with sleeveless shirts.
2. Length of top: No one needs to see my tummy, and I don’t care to see anyone else’s tummy, either.
3. Skirts or pants being too fitted: I go by comfort here and what the mirror shows. No hard and fast rule, but the mirror doesn’t lie.
4. Length of skirts and shorts: I personally prefer my shorts to fall a couple of inches above the knee, same with skirts. I look like an oompa loompa in things right at my knee or lower.
5. Dealing with immodest people: We talk about guarding our eyes even with our 10 and 7 year olds. We talk about others making their own choices based upon their convictions and leave it at that. My dd10 does notice, but she’s the most modest kid ever, so I’ve no worries based on her.
6. We don’t avoid public pools at all. Same as #5, we don’t do bikinis.
Hapari is another modest swimwear company. They also offer shores, which are half shirt tanks/tees to wear under other things without being so hot. These are AWESOME in the FL heat. They have juniors, too. They have Captain’s Quarters for boys and men which are terrific for the beach. I ordered my swimsuit from there, too.
Great discussion!
Christie
My hubby would not like me to look frumpy either and so I wear clothes that make me attractive for him – I don’t have the arms or stomach to show those and I never have been a fan of showing my tummy – when I was younger though I did wear sleeveless dresses and t shirts and made sure my bra did not show. The girls spent most of their formative years in Europe so they got used to the style of dress and it never changed them or turned their minds to become immodest. You have to be ready for many explanations in places like Germany where they have adult stores with their wares in the window. the first time they saw one and asked a question I gave a very matter of fact answer, showed no shock, no horror and did not make a big deal of it – thereafter the girls ignored the places – I think if I had acted in a horrified way, they would have been far more curious. Being in Europe was a wonderful experience for them, and nudity, art galleries with paintings of nudes and adult shops did not and has not made them anything other than young ladies who are modest – so I would not worry. I tend to think the bigger deal we make of something, the more the forbidden fruit mentality can take over. Linda
There is a lot of wisdom in what you say, Linda.
Sonya, that is a great suggestion for the beach – somehow it never occured to me.
Thanks to all for the interesting and gracious discussion.
Gaeleen
I really like that idea about the beach Sonya, we do sit close to the water for the kids anyway but a skooch closer would help. What about also sitting on one end of the beach or the other? Our beach has a pier people walk on so there is a constant stream of people walking at the water’s edge. It would be impossible to sit close enough to stop that, but if we went to the opposite end that would probably help. It would be quiter and less litter as well. A bigger treck to the restrooms but worth it! Great suggestion!
Hi there,
Regarding swimwear, my daughter wears a swim shirt and swim shorts that come to her knees. They are made out of swim suit material but are “baggie” enough for me to feel comfortable with her wearing it. We got ours from onestepahead.com As for me, I wear board shorts that come to my knee and a swim shirt. I love board shorts because they are modest and I can move around with out fear that something is showing. With a young child to run after, that is important. 🙂 We do try to avoid pools but sometimes go to the beach, but try to go early morn when it is pretty quiet.
Question though, we ran into this last year and I actually asked about it then, but nothing seemed to satisfy my daughter as to why men don’t have to wear shirts where women do. I can think of a bunch of ways to answer that from an older perspective, but still haven’t come up with a good answer for her age of 5, at least nothing that has satisfied her yet and I know “shirtless” season is coming, so I was wondering how any of you would explain it – why do men get to not wear a shirt and women don’t? Thank you!
You all make such great points. My husband is difficult to consult. My husband is German and was raised there. He has different ideas about what is modest and due to the culture he was raised in showing skin is just not thought of as very s*xual. We did sit an dinner one night with some friends (Americans) and what the men said was that anthing too tight anywhere caught the eye, anything too short anywhere or too low up top. They did say showing too much skin up top like spaghetti straps was eye catching but not sleeveless in general.
I did see a show though I don’t remember all of it and I only got to see some of it. They studied men in prison for “bad conduct” toward woman and what they found was surprising. One I remember well. For him it didn’t matter what the woman wore but the fact that she had long hair is what caught his eye. She could be covered from head to toe and if the hair was long that was it. For other men it was the legs, or the back or whatever other thing. There really is no way to keep a man from looking unless we start covering every bit of skin and hair. So, I just decided I would do the best I could and they would have to be responsible for doing the best they could.
Recently I though I really should have some hard fast rules or the girls and boys would be consufed, but after reading what you ladies said I see now that it is not so. I can have certain well sometimes this and sometimes that and they will be fine.
My husband hopes that the kids can be raised how he was that skin has less attraction but with growing up in the US I just don’t see that happening. I do want the kids, both boys and girls, to respect their bodies and find them beautiful without feeling they need to show it off or look around at others all the time. I often feel it is how the bodies are presented though. Well it is that was for me anyway. For me when a man/woman that is fully clothed but is sitting in a certain way or has a certain look that can be immodest while those Dove ads were not to me. I don’t want my kids to run around in thier underwear like in the Dove ads but just saying.
1. Sleeveless tops: At this point I do wear and allow the kids to wear them. No spaghetti straps or similar. If they show too much an undershirt comes into play.
2. Length of top: With arms totally raised no skin can show boy or girl!
3. Skirts or pants being too fitted: I think it depends, but I do have some of those skinny jeans. Not the second skin kind though and I enjoy wearing them with tunics.
4. Length of skirts and shorts: I like them to be at least knee length that way when I sit not too much shows. If the dress or skirt is shorter I wear an underskirt that is longer and matches. It looks intentional and nice. (this is a very common practice at my church and really opens up a lot more dresses and skirts to the wardrobe that would be passed up) They are easy to make or purchase and alter at thrift stores or garage sales!
5. Dealing with immodest people: We have never had to leave but given my childrens ages (all under 8) I would! There are teaching moments and then just leaving ones!
6. We go to public pools. In Europe it is not uncommon to see men is speedos and the like, boys too. The kids think it is normal and we only had one problem where a lady was wearing a suit that was too low and well she really needed a new one on. Only hubby and I noticed, though I was still upset that hubby had to see that..even that I had to. My kids even boys wear swim shirts and shorts. Hubby doesn’t think the boys should wear shirts but is fine if they do.
I have worn anything that hubby thinks is too short, but he does not think wearing pants or anything similar is okay for church. He is a skirt or dress only type, which is fine. I do wear pants/jeans, bermuda shorts, and capris, but prefer skirts and dresses. I am in my late 20’s..I will be 29 *gasp* in August! I do like to look nice and sometime trendy if I like the outfit. Basically I just wear what I like and if it is trendy okay if not then ohh well. Hubby never complains! Right now I shop online at JCrew (sale section with good coupon only) and Boden (ebay). I do like thrift stores and garage sales though and was raised that way. My mom and I make most of the girls clothes which are dress and skirts. Just because I like them in those items and they can wear them longer. The boys are pretty easy!
I wasn’t going to jump into this discussion, but changed my mind! One thought I had was that I would never point out or discuss what other people were wearing with my children. If I show them how I dress and help them to make good decisions, they will already notice that there are those who don’t follow our family’s “rules”. I think it can be a dangerous ground that will lead to “look at how holy I am with my clothing” and “too bad others are sinning more than ME in their dress” kind of attitude. An easy way to build up pride, imho. I say this because I’ve seen this first hand, having grown up a homeschooler myself.
When I was a pre-teen/early teen I remember my Mom taking my shopping to buy an Easter dress. I’d pick one out, and then, with my Mom in the dressing room, she’d ask me to bend forward, or sit down to see how things looked. She taught me that just because something looks fine standing still, doesn’t mean it will be modest in the movement of real life!We just don’t do low cut tops — and don’t usually wear shorts at all. My skirts all go to the knee or below. I do wear pants and don’t see a problem as long as they are not too tight. We do go to the beach and to the pool but we all wear t-shirts over our bathing suits. I don’t see a problem with sleeveless but usually don’t wear them myself (neither do my daughter) we usually wear tanks under other shirts.
I just wanted to add in with regards to boys and immodestly dressed women/girls. With our two boys (8 & 9) we’ve always explained to them that you are showing respect to God by looking away from someone who is dressed immodestly. That it pleases Him if you look away. We have extremely modest boys, they prefer to even wear tshirts when swimming. They do not like to even change clothes around each other (which cracks me up!). So when they see someone that isn’t dressed appropiately, or a magazine picture they turn their eyes away.
Carrie
Don’t tshirts cling to you when they are wet? I am not judging at all really asking an honest question. It seems that they would cling. that would drive me crazy! I had a skirted suit once and the skirt part floated up the whole time and clung to me out of the water. I have seem other skirted suits lately that look like they would not do that.
That is a great point alice! I do like the looking away idea Carrie. I have read that and heard it elsewhere. I do need to talk with my oldest about it more.
I have heard of Lime Ricki and Hapair, but my favorite is Girls 4 Sport. They are pricey though so it would have to be a sale, gift, several summer suit or sometime they have a grab bag bargain! I have seen them new with tags on ebay too, but are always size extra small.
It seems (since I have to mostly shop online now) that all the modest places that have nice clothes are so pricey or frumpy. I don’t like to put undershirts under everything in the summer when it is hot, but it is so hard to find shirts (other than a basic tshirt) that can be worn without.
About the t-shirts — for the kids, we buy the UV protectant kind of shirt, so it does cling — but it is made with spandex. For my husband and I — and I’m thinking of trying to find the same kind of shirts, because yes, regular t-shirts aren’t very swim friendly. They do cling when I get out of the water and I’m not sure if that is immodest or not. I always have a one piece on underneath it. I started wearing shirts because I don’t too much sun exposure and will get burned without one — but then later because I thought it was strange for people to be seeing me without much clothing on at the beach.
Also, please forgive any typos or bad grammar in my recent posts — I’ve been really sick the last few days with a stomach bug and I haven’t been thinking too clearly. I read back some of my posts and realized there were some mistakes in them. Sorry about that!!!
I would like to repost and say that I did not speak very well when I said that people that we consider to be dressed immodestly are not trying to please the Lord. That was a terrible way to put that and that is not actually how it was discussed with our kids. You are right, lgeurink, that it is a heart issue. I apologize if I have offended anyone in any way. I need to make a habit of rereading my posts before sending them.
Sonya-Thank you for your advice on sitting closer, I never thought of that. 🙂
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