Sleep Overs

Hm – as my son will be doing scouting (and cubbing), I imagine I will be letting him go to scout/cub camps once he is 8…  (In Canada, Cubs Camp.)   (Right now my son is almost 7)   So if it was having a sleepover at a family’s house where I trusted the family, I probably wouldn’t have a problem with it.   That said, it hasn’t come up yet except for sleeping at his nephew’s (and sister’s) house.

After having been sick for a long time and physically incapable of taking care of my household, I have had to learn to let go of my children and let them go where God would have them go.  It is wrong and even a sin to try to control everything in our paths ( that’s God job).  I don’t let my kids go off and do all sorts of things without me but I have learned to not even think about opportunities for them before I have prayed about it.  Does God have something extra special that he wants to teach your child?  Does He have a lesson for your son that is best learned away from you?  Sometimes our kids will become to dependant on us and think that being dependant on God is not necessary…their parents are doing all the work for them.  However, sometimes God calls us ( yes even the littlest of us) to do things or go places where you are required to be more dependant on Him and less on others.  Really we are suppossed to be relying on him all the time and never on ourselves or on others.  I would very prayerfully consider this and try to hear the answer that God truly has for you and your son.  Don’t confuse your responsibility to bring up your children with taking control of our kids out of God’s hands. 

  This has been a very painful lesson for me to learn.  I am still learning in fact.  I CAN NOT do a better job than God.  He has entrusted these children into my care but they are still His.  I would say that if the decision we are making for our children is done out of fear then it is probably not what God has for us or our children.  Because God done not EVER want us to take the path that fear would lead us down.  Perfect love casts out all fear, so ask God what He has for your son and for you and then let His perfect love come in and take away your fear.  He may just have something absolutly wonderful to share with your son and yourself.  I now ask God for his guidance and for answers to ALL of the decisions I have to make for our kids. 

  I hope that I did not offend.  I really am just trying to share from my own experience and the lessons that God has been teaching me this past year.  They have all been real doozies!  I didn’t think I could survive it! But so far I have and my kids have been incredibly blessed because of it, esspecially my oldest who was really starting to suffer from fear and anxiety. 

  Hope that helps and doesn’t offend. 

   -Miranda

Misty – I understand your hesitation.  My girls are still little and I haven’t talked to my husband much about it, but I talked with my VERY good friend whose daughter was/is (we live far away now) my daughter’s best friend.  What we came up with, was that it might be better to make a “no spend the night rule” valid for EVERYONE, whether or not we trusted the family that invited them, this way, when they recieved an invite from a family we weren’t so sure about we wouldn’t have to give an explanation as to why not such and such a family, when so and so a family was ok.  Of course, exceptions to this rule exist as we live in a brand new place with NO family near and expecting a baby.  So that might necessitate an overnight, if we are not able to have a sitter come to our home.  Also, even WITH a family you trust – is it really necessary for a child to spend the night?  In my experience growing up – children stay up too late and the effects are felt for many days (I often came home and got sick from stressing my immune system).  And it may be different with boys, but if it’s an actual slumber party with multiple children, even Christian children – with girls, someone was always the “outsider” and there was lots of pressure to play “harmless” tricks on the first one asleep.  So, while I might let my girls attend a sleep over party – I’ll plan on picking them up at some point during the evening (10pm??) as opposed to letting them stay all night.  Hope that’s helpful!

Rebekah

Christie,  I just wanted to say thank you for being so open.  I believe God can use your story to help others a great deal!

  I also think that you are showing great faith and trust in God by NOT locking your kids in a padded room!  I appreciate that you pray for guidance and direction before you make your decisions to send your kids out.  I do the same thing for the same reasons as you.

  I had not allowed any of my children to have sleepovers anywhere before getting sick, which is why it was so painful to me to have that choice taken away from me when I was.  I have been going through counceling for fear issues recently and have learned a lot and have just recently taken a huge step with my oldest daughter.  Of coarse this was preceded by prayer from my husband and I and also “talks” with my daughter.  I am pleased to say that God DID have something wonderful for her and I am so thankful that He taught me to pray and trust the answer about these things.  She would have missed out on a BIG blessing had I allowed my fear to stand in her way.

  Thank you again for yor honesty.  You will be in my prayers.

     -Miranda

lgeurink-

Are you open to having others’ children in your home?  Perhaps having her cousins over to spend the night at your house-where you make the rules and monitor the behavior-could be a half way solution?  I don’t know the children and their situation, but perhaps (if she wants to spend time with them) this could satisfy her and not be rude?  Also, in the case of her cousins, I would go ahead and tell the parents and that may stop her cousins from asking all the time.

Also, I would suggest getting to know the parents of your children’s friends as much as possible.  We have done this with our kids friends, though it is harder with our eldest because most of the other parents are much older than we are, but we try to make the effort.  I’m not saying that you don’t try to get to know them, but it makes it so much easier to know the parents when these situations arise so that you can either say yes and feel comfortable, or say no and know that you are making the right decision.

Igeurink

My mom used to always say “Blame it on me”; I tell my children the same. If they ask, say “I can’t” and if asked why, “because my parents won’t let me” and if more why, my child tells them to “ask them”, me, the parent. That way, my child doesn’t have to explain OUR rules and it takes the pressure off.

Not alot of words; keep it simple.

Rachel

Thanks for your help.  My husband and I are both pretty confrontational, though I let him be more that way when it comes to dealing with his family.  They all know that about him and they know we don’t allow sleepovers so I wish they would talk to their daughters about it so we would avoid all this.  I guess it is good for our daughter though b/c she is learning, in a pretty safe way, how to handle uncomfortable situations.  Like I said, she was very matter of fact, I don’t think she felt like a “looser” or anything.  I think I will go with the “ask my parents” thing b/c while our nieces and nephews are not the most respectful towards the rest of the adults in our family, they know better to mess with Uncle D!  They are very respectful of my husband and me and obey us without issue when we are taking care of them so I think this would make the most sense.  You all are the best.