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How do you end your day?
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So someone else posted about starting your day, but a bigger problem for us is ending the day. I would like to have time to read for 20 to 30 minutes at bed time, but it is usually too late and I am too tired. So what helps you to get supper on the table on time, and at what time? When do your kids start their nighttime routine? What does that involve and how long does it take? It seems my kids take a really long time, longer than it should. How do I cut out their dawdling at bedtime? Generally, we eat later than I’d like and then I finish loading the dishwasher and run it and also change out a load of laudry. By the time they are ready for bed, it is late and I am tired and so we are not fitting in betime stories and I regret that already. Also dh has tv on if he is home and that is a big distraction.
We usually do supper around 6/6:30. We start into the bedtime routine afterwards (unless we have something else to do, like lately we have been going on family bikerides). They take baths/showers, get dressed, we read books, then brush teeth and potty. We makes rounds singing to each one and tucking them in. It takes about an hour total for everyone. DH takes on most of the bedtime duties, for which I am very thankful. I usually will piddle around in the kitchen during that time. The kids help clear the table and get stuff put away, then we tackle dishes while they are in the tub. What doesn’t get done waits until after they are in bed or it gives them ample opportunity to get wound back up. We don’t have regular TV so thankfully that’s not a distraction… that would be tough to combat. They do watch fishing videos with DH occasionally, but not too often (mainly a show called The Scott Martin Challenge).
It took us a while to settle into a routine, but now that it’s there they know what to do. One night, we didn’t realize it, but we did our usual bedtime routine and sat down. A few minutes DH started laughing and I looked at him funny. He pointed at the clock – it was only 6:15!!! Evidently not only had we eaten early everything else went faster as well. No one questioned the time, not even us!
The kids go up and get ready for bed around 8:00 (my kids are 12, 8, 6, and 5). At about 8:15 DH goes up. All four kids and DH climb into our bed and DH reads from whatever book they are reading. In the past three years he’s done the Wizard of Oz series, the Lemony Snickets series, and now he is on book 2 in the Little Britches series.
After he’s done the book, they say their prayers and everyone gets in their own bed. By then the younger two are usually asleep. The older two sometimes listen to an audio book while they go to sleep.
Oh wings2fly — I could have written your post, right down to the dh watching tv. I have developed a bad habit of not getting to bed until well after midnight…usualy 1-2am. It hit me the other night when I was laying my head down on the pillow and it was only 11:57…and I felt wildly successful. It hit me then (again) that I do not want this to be my “normal” — and to be excited to be in bed by midnight?? That should not be reason to pat myself on the back! lol
I have noticed a few problem spots for me, and while yours may be different, perhaps if you can identify them you can deal wtih them directly. For me, I have a tendency after dinner (the kids eat slower than I do) to piddle around with something waitng for them to get done, then by the time they’re done I don’t *feel* like cleaning up the kitchen anymore. I start it maybe while they’re still eating, come back and clean a little more… but it’s rarely DONE until after they are in bed. And there’s really no good reason for that. I just need to exercise my will to do it and be done with a sense of finality.
As for the bedtime routine, one thing that helps my slowpokes move faster is if they know they can read in bed until a certain “lights out” time. Those who get ready faster get more time to read. Those who dawdle might miss out completely. I like that because it’s a natural consequence that flows directly from their action (or inaction). So if we read family scriptures and have family prayer together and then they get ready for bed, there is no one to suffer teh consequence of their dawdling except themselves.
But you really ask some good questions — ones that I continue to battle with. I think for the most part my problems stem from a lack of self-discipline. Here is what I need to do. I’m not saying I do it, just that I want to do it. 🙂
1. Have a meal plan for the week so I know when to start makng the meal and I actually know what we’re having. (We eat pretty simply compared to most, but I still need a plan or I get that “deer in the headlights” look each night around 5:30 — as though it is a complete surprise to me that we have to eat dinner AGAIN. Didn’t we just eat dinner LAST night?? Ugh.
2. For extreme dawdlers while eating, we have at times taken to setting a timer (a reasonable, even generous amount of time) and let them know well in advance that their plate will be cleared when the timer goes.
3. Clean up the kitchen as much as possible while the kids are finishing, then finish the job as soon as they are done. The kids always clear the table but they need to be more consistently helping with the rest of it (quick vacuum of the floor, etc.).
4. Family prayer / scriptures shortly after dinner if possible, instead of waiting until right before bed when the youngest is getting grumpy. And so is Mom. 🙂
5. Bedtime routines as explained above, then quiet reading time until a set time at night — so maybe 30-40 minutes to read, or maybe only 5 minutes if they take too long, or no time at all, with lights out at 8:45-9p ish. Rght now it’s 9p. Church activity night really messes this up though.
AND THEN…
6. My ideal would be that since of course the kitchen is already clean, there might be just a few things to finish up — maybe some laundry or whatever. But then if *I* would actually shower and get ready for bed at this time, instead of plopping down to watch tv with hubby…wow, that would make a difference. But…I like that time together. The problem is that this evening time with cleaning or computer time or tv can go on for HOURS. So I’m still figuring this part out.
Looking forward to hearing from others!
I have to share our new routine because I have spent soooooo many nights completely emotionally exhasuted still putting children to bed at 11, 11:30, 12. My husband travels a lot so it is so hard to have an every day routine. Two weeks ago I decided I could no longer do that and I wrote up a bed time routine for each of my children. I posted it on the big girls bedroom door. My children are 9 years, 4 1/2 years, and 1 year. Side note: We are lucky the person who built our home had an obssession with dimmer switches and installed them in almost every room. Here is our routine:
7:00 Dim lights. 10 minute clean up. Pick out clothes for tomorrow.
9 yo: Brush teeth, wash hands & face, Pajamas. She is then free to play, journal, or read as long as it is quiet.
4 yo & 1 yo: Bath, teeth, pajamas. Afterwards 4 you also gets quiet play while I nurse 1 yo to sleep in my room.
8:00 Hopefully 1 yo is sleeping, if not I take him with me. I read with both girls in their bedroom.
8:30 Lights out & listen to Jim Weiss bedtime stories or relaxing music. I usually lay with 4 yo until she is asleep. I am forgiving if she ends up coming to my bed because she is just starting to consistently sleep in her bed. This generally hasn’t been an issue though.
I have to be self disciplined and consistent for this to work. There has only been a couple night when they were up later. On nights when we get home about 8:30-9:00 from church activities (1-2 nights per week) we go straight to teeth, pjs, and bedtime story cd. I can’t convey how tired I was getting them to bed so late all the time. My consistency is paying off. I have time to pick up the house, clean up kitchen, and relax now. Tonight they were all asleep by 9. Maybe some of my ideas will be helpful or maybe just the fact that I went from utter frustration to peaceful nights in less than two weeks will help encourage you and you will be able to find a good fit for your family. 😀
I wanted to add that our routine also makes it so if they dwaddle they have self induced consequences (i.e. less quiet play or reading).
Amber, this is so enouraging to me! I love to hear of your success, and especially the decisiveness with which it happened. If I may ask, what time are you gettting to bed now? And what time were you before this routine? I’m wondering how things look now after 9pm. Thanks!
After 9 PM I could go to bed at my ideal time of 10:15. That’s not what I always choose to do. I have been taking this time to clean up, do a load of laundry, and plan for our upcoming school year. Then when baby wakes up to nurse again, usually around 11/11:30, I call it a day and go to bed with him. Before I would be up as late as 2 am because it took a while for me to wind down after the children FINALLY fell asleep.
We do much better at the end of day than the beginning. We’ve had basically the same routine since my oldest was less than a year old. She was a horrible sleeper so we established a firm routine to try to help with that.
Supper is about 6pm. Any baths/showers (not everyone every night) are right after supper.
With rare exceptions, we start at 7:15 with snack, teeth, jammies on, and a quick tidy of the bedrooms.
Then, we read scripture and pray together, and read books aloud for about 20 minutes.
This gets everyone in bed by about 8:30. DD9 and DS7 read for a while, DD5 listens to relaxing music. The youngest is usually asleep in a few minutes. The older two are allowed to read until 9:30. They both need that long to settle. Even if I don’t let them read, they rarely fall asleep before 10pm. They get up around 8am.
I’ve been teased by my family (my sister calls me ‘persnickety’) because we leave functions early to make sure we can follow our routine. Otherwise, I just get cranky in the evening, and the kids are tired and cranky the next day.
Now, I need to get our mornings running as smoothly.
Thank you all for sharing the ideas. I knew I needed something different but could not think outside the box. I am thinking of starting the reading of bedtime stories first and have them take turns each night getting ready for bed (only one bathroom) after I read instead of before. Then they can read until 9 pm, when I come in to turn out lights and turn on music. If they take too long getting ready, they get less reading time. I need to work more on the evening routine before stories and getting away from the electronic distractions of tv and computer.
If they take turns each night with a bath after supper, then stories can be after the bath and maybe I will have the kitchen clean by then, and skip getting interested in what is on the tv screen, when precious time slips by without realizing it. What about activities at the table after supper? This would avoid tv/computer. Like games and handicrafts and coloring/paper dolls. I can keep children at a table activity if they are not bathing, while I clean the kitchen. But here again, the tv is sure to tempt them away. Maybe they need to practice self control though.
I could read “bedtime” stories at the supper table after I finish eating and they are still eating. That is certainly something different to try. It may work for you, Mysterious Lady in Pink, even with your timer.
Now if I can just keep up my energy, I will try it. Love your answer petitemom!
Your excitement and success inspires me, Amber.
Has anyone used a timer for their kids getting ready for bed? How much time for potty, washing up, jammies, and teeth? 10 minutes? I like having them lay out clothes for the next day too.
A few things stuck out to me after your last comment. Every family is different, but these are just to give you something to think about.
First, we have a 1 hour daily limit on screen time, (TV or Computer). They must have all chores and school work and instrument practice done, and then screen time must be done before supper. After supper is time to spend with Dad, and then get ready for bed. Our only TV is downstairs, and it is not on in the evenings.
Second, my kids (ages 9, 7, 5) clean the kitchen. I’m just there for guidance and assistance. I definitely don’t plan an activity for them to do while I do the cleaning! Even younger kids can be involved, clearing the table, pushing the chairs out of the way for a big person to sweep, using a rag to spot clean the floor or the front of the fridge, drying pots, or any number of other things. Kitchen duty is definitely a group effort around here.
Joanne
Wings2fly, we have a no screen time rule after supper.
jmac17, thanks for the inspiration. I think I am going to encourage more involvement from my children in the kitchen.
We eat dinner around 6, clean up together and then go for a bike ride or walk. Then we get our showers. My goal is to start reading to my daughter at 8 because that gives us a whole hour and we really enjoy that time together. However, with daylight savings time (which I loathe, by the way!), it’s usually 8:30 or later when we start to read and we always stop at 9. My daughter is 12 so she’s allowed to read on her own for a little while after that-till 9:30 or so. The whole routine moves up an hour or so when daylight savings time ends (oh sweet day!).
On a different note, am I the only one who detests daylight savings time? It’s so hard to get everything done and everyone in bed when it’s just getting dark! The evenings are so much more peaceful when it gets dark a couple of hours before bedtime.
I haven’t posted our evening routine yet but I wanted to add encouragement to get those kids in the kitchen for the after-dinner clean up! As I cook I do a pretty good job of also keeping the dishes either handwashed or put into the dishwasher. I had always been pretty good about that but lately am playing a little game with myself called ‘mise-en-place’ and part of that is being careful to keep the kitchen clean while I cook. The whole family clears the table, puts away food and washes up what needs to be done, including the microwave and stove top. We don’t leave the kitchen until it is shining and the dishwasher is started.
It is funny to me how different families can be. There is no judgment in this – it is more amazement. The idea of a screen coming on anytime between 5pm and 9pm is totally bizarre sounding to me. (My husband and I do sometimes watch things after the kids are in bed and the kids sometimes watch during the day, so it isn’t that we’re totally anti-screen.) One of my best friend’s children fall asleep with the screen on and for her family it works (and they rarely ever have it on other than that). But when I hear of kids watching something after dinner it is so foreign to me it is as if the mom said ‘We sleep outside.’ I think ‘Whaaat?’ 🙂
Wings2Fly, the evening timer sounds like a great idea EXCEPT I would not include brushing teeth in that time. At least in my family the teeth brushing would be rushed through to beat the timer and that is not an option in our home. I’d put all other tasks on the timer and then have the brushing be a seperate timer (like ‘you can be finished brushing when the timer goes off’).
My last comment for this morning is that I don’t clean after the kids are in bed. I may put a load of laundry into the washer to get a head start on the morning work but usually I don’t. I certainly don’t clean the kitchen (which is already clean) or straighten up or sweep/vacuum the floors or do the bathrooms, etc. After the kids are in bed is my time to relax, spend with my husband and often (because I find it enjoyable) plan for homeschooling, menus, do some sort of research or learn something. In my opinion cleaning should be done as a family during the day.
I agree how difficult daylight savings time is as a parent. As a PERSON, my favorite time of year is 7pm during daylight savings time. The sunlight is strong but low and the shadows are so magical. Night seems so far away. I’ve always loved that time. It was hard for me to realize I can’t be outside during that time, at least not with young children in the house, becasue they need to get to bed. They will be 9 next summer and I wonder if I’ll be able to go back out after dinner to spend that 7 to 8pm time in the magic of the day. I do look forward to the time changing again and going back to the fall/winter routines. They always feel so strong and secure after a summer of things being so (relatively) carefree. (Not that I don’t love that either – I think after I just love changing seasons and the lifestyle changes that go with them!)
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