Highschooler Who Doesn't Care

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  • Sonya Shafer

    Do you know any Christian DJs who could encourage him in how best to prepare, open his eyes to what it’s like and what it takes to make it work full time, advice and counsel, things like that?


    I, too, was raised in a blended family, so I do understand. My mom had full custody of me, and then married my stepdad when I was 7. I got a stepbrother out of the deal too.

    I think in your situation, it may be beneficial for all the parents to meet together and have a discussion. Even if you don’t get along with his mom, I’m sure everyone could agree to come up with a plan of action that’s in the young man’s best interests. Do you think both sets of parents would be willing to set aside their differences and just work together to help your son?


    Just to add a slightly different side of things–Both my husband and brother-in-law were not big school book learners. My husband ended up dropping out of high school, taking the GED (scored highest in the state), and getting a job as a cameraman for a TV station. He spent several years self teaching all the skills he needed to advance in his job and eventual career. In his early 20’s, he went to film school and graduated with a 4.0. Now he owns his own media production company and has made several movies and documentaries. He was never the schoolwork, assignment, grades type kid from what his parents said. But he loves what he does and is really good at it (even with limited high school). My BIL had to stop most of his homeschool coursework when his father got sick. He and his brothers had to take over a lot of the family farm and milk ro7te responsibilities. He educated himself in HVAC and home repair over the years. When he needed to learn a specific mah or other specific skill, he figured out who to ask to teach him. Now he is an assistant manager at Lowe’s (USA home repair chain) and is training to be a store manager. He too loves what he does and has been able to take care of his family successfully with his skills. Even though it is very important to develop the habit (?) of doing something even if we don’t want to, mastering difficult tasks, and developing our minds, is there room for some compromise? A heart to heart aboutwh your HS student wants to do in life and how to get there? Or maybe a semester to explore some personal interests while just doing a little of the more formal subjects? Maybe he will see how all those other subjects play important roles in his interest areas and career goals? Or even let him take more of an active role in selecting his curriculum in the upcoming school year? Just some ideas. It would be tricky with a blended family for sure, but not impossible. On whatever solution you find, Good luck!


    I don’t know how to quote but if I could, I’d quote what Arielle said. That was the direction I was going earlier. Not all kids  are big school book learners and that’s not always a bad thing. If this was where my son was headed I’d not want to make him feel it was a lesser choice. Yes, I understand that some kids are simply lazy and refuse to do much of anything and what they need is a reality check but I was not for certain this was the case with Meagan’s son. I know she said that he didn’t follow directions and was caught cheating and those are character issues that need to be addressed but where those issues were originating from would determine how I would deal with them. I had a child that also didn’t care about doing school. Extra chores at home, taking away electronics (which I did for nearly a year), taking tae kwon do classes (2years), none of that helped.  I planned and prepared curriculum I thought suited his needs and interests and it never got done. (His sister later completed all of it and more.) I asked for his input on what he wanted to study but he didn’t know. I had to dig a little deeper and help him find his way and later I discovered he was not lazy and undisciplined at all. I was just pushing him the in wrong direction. He accomplished a lot his senior year, ended up going to college, a music school, and although he started a semester late, he will finish a semester early while holding a part-time job too. 

    I don’t know what is best for your son. I wanted to offer a different perspective based on my experience. Of course, being a blended family make things more difficult. I hope you both find your way.


    So sorry you’re struggling. It has to be rough with blended family dynamics. Do you have any homeschool coops or online class options? Those might be hard to jump in immediately, but sometimes answering to someone besides mom helps. If nothing else was working, I’d contemplate K12 online school. He’d be responsible to someone else and after dealing with the busywork he might realize that he doesn’t have it so bad after all:)

    I sat down with my kids once and showed them how much monthly expenses are to live and how minimum wage wouldn’t cut it on their own. I’d be praying for heart change and Godly male influences. My hubby never cared about school in high school. Parents weren’t big on education. But after becoming a Christian at 18 decided he wanted to go to Wheaton College…very academic Christian school. He went to community college for one year. Got straight As I think and ended up getting a Masters and then accepted into a quality doctoral program….he loves learning and is one of the most intellectual people I know, working in ministry. But you never would have guessed at 14:) But he’s also good with his hands and has commented that if he had the resources at a young age he would have liked to be in the house flipping field. Both respectable ways to make a living.

    You’ve recieved great advice and sounds like you’ve tried a lot of it. Just wanted to mention s couple possibilities I didn’t see mentioned. Prayers to you. I have a freshman and this stage of parenting is I think the roughest yet! Blessings, Gina

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