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Help with Behaviors
- This topic has 10 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated 14 years, 7 months ago by
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I am embarrassed to say that my children are all out of control. I have two boys, 9 and 5, and a 16 month old little girl. My boys are constantly wrestling and fighting. They burp, eat with their fingers and worse at the dinner table. My daughter is always screaming when she doesn’t get her way and also throws and hits people. I was really sick with my last pregnancy and I just let the boys run free because I couldn’t do anything, and now I can’t seem to reign them back in. My husband is a Firefighter and works a 2nd job at the hospital, so he is gone overnight a lot and I am left to taking care of everything and everyone. I am ok with this, but desperate to have order and peace again in my house.
Would you change everything all at once, or focus on one bad habit at a time? Does Laying Down the Rails tell you how to discipline? What area would you focus on first?
I have really focused on Habits for the same reason, my kids would throw fits, complain, fuss, etc. Laying down the Rails has been tremendously helpful for us! The All-Day SCM Seminar was as well. My kids behavior is very different. I’ve been reading Charlotte’s 6 volumes, let me tell you, amazing stuff! These have really made a difference in my attitude also, which, I hate to admit is where some of theirs came from.
I’m not so frustrated with them, but encouraging them to do it on their own, they are in control of their emotions and actions. If you can, I would sit down after they go to bed at night and read her books. They aren’t just about education, but the whole atmosphere of your home, your attitude, how to train them, how important it is, etc.
I would work on one habit at a time, we are doing it together, like a family challenge. Attitude was first, now fortitude ~ I’m not so good at this one, so it’s a family affair. Work in progress for sure.
Right there with you!
~Cindie
I haven’t read Laying down the Rails but my suggestion to you would be set up a list of rules and tell your boys what you expect of them. Use silverware to eat, no hitting, etc, then they get one warning and if they don’t obey they have to go in the corner for however many minutes you set (sometimes as many minutes as they are old). The big thing is to be CONSISTANT. I know it is hard to do, but you have to say what you mean and mean what you say. It will pay off in the long run. You could even do a reward system, if they follow the rules they get stickers that could add up to an afternoon at the park or some such thing.
Good Luck.
Kristen
I agree with being consistent! It is SO HARD!
I also wanted to take a moment to see if you have ever considered evaluating thier diets? My son has autism, which has become a blessing in reguards to my family learning HOW MUCH FOOD can elicit certain negative behaviors! I think consistency is a big key along with proper expectations…but also making sure there isn’t an abundance of chemicals in your environment and food can make a significant difference, too! (my daughter is actually very chemically sensitive and the smell of cleaning agents or burning candles will almost always elicit a negative response). Also, we recently removed sugar from our diets. It was not easy…but it has made a tremendous difference.
Food for thought…LOL!
Hang in there…it always gets a bit worse when mommy starts demanding obedience!! But it’s worth it!!
hyb
Thanks, rewards don’t work for them unless its immediate gratification. I bought Laying down the Rails and the seminar that goes with it. I do know that I am not consistent, and I need to do that for sure. A lot of days I am so exhausted, its easier just to let them do whatever. But I would be less exhausted if my house were orderly and well run, so I am going to do this! Hopefully within 2 weeks we will see a difference.
Thanks Cindie for the Support.
I agree with you, hyb, on the whole diet thing. I will go months without junk food but then I fall back into it because its so much easier. I know that I am the one who just needs to change. I have lost about 5 pounds and started walking around the neighborhood. I try to play outside more, not just sit while the kids go. Thanks for all the support and ideas.
Do you change everything at once though? I know I am supposed to work on one habit at a time, but there’s so much that needs to change.
I would change the habits that bother you the most right away. (Three or four?) and then work on a few more after that? I’m not sure about that though.
Kristen
I only have a second…I would highly recommend one book-“Boundaries With Kids” by Cloud and Townsand. There is a workbook, but it is not necessary unless you really like that sort of thing in order to dig in deeper and one author of many books:
John Rosemond. He WILL teach you how to discipline and encourage and embolden you in your role as Parent (unlike our society) and both of these suggestions are Christian based. He has a website, too. John Rosemond’s Traditional Parenting at http://www.rosemond.com There’s even a book choosing guide to help you choose which one to pick.
I’m sure you can get these at your library. For your 18 mth. old Rosemond’s “MAking the Terrible TWo’s Terrific” is specific to issues regarding her age till about 3.
These resources combined with Prayer, Laying…Rails, and these resources will give you what you’re looking for.
Rachel
Hi mrsjamiesouth!
Awhile back I posted a question about biblical discipline and had so many wonderful responses of encouragment, and great book recommendations. Incase you missed it and are interested, heres the link
Just remember you’re not alone in this – Gods grace is always available to you and your dc!
Blessings, Heather
Thanks, yesterday after reading the whole Laying down the Rails book, and also the whole Raising Godly Tomatoes I decided to try a combo of things. It went really well with my little one. It was hard to keep the boys glued to me, but I was able to notice and stop things before they escalated. I am going to work on Attention and Obedience at the same time.
Hi – I hope things are getting better for you and your family. You mentioned being tired, with your pregnancy and I think you said something about it again in a later post… almost 4 years ago I had became very ill and my family’s life was turned upside down. While recovering (back to normal now) I found I had to take care of myself first, my son second, house third. etc. This went against everything inside me and I found it incredibly difficult to take care of me! I felt so selfish! But if I didn’t NOTHING got done. By taking care of yourself, so you can teach your kids the habits you want them to have and homeschool. Moms have needs too. It’s easy to forget though, sometimes the reason I don’t have any patience is because I’m tired or hungry, or haven’t read my Bible for days… A helpful website for all things housekeeping is http://www.flylady.net
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