Fitting In

I  have the same problem, but fortunately I have a wonderful homeschool support group in the Dallas area through PEACH (Plano Educational Association of Christian Homeschoolers). These are my best friends. I am sorry you are feeling isolated. I may be in the same situation soon. My husband is wanting to move to a more rural setting. Hope  you find some helpful advice here!

with much love and empathy,

Jenny

I too have found this to be a probelm, we live in an area where our homeschool group, is textbook based, and the children are all very young.  It was not a good fit for us – my daughters have also had problems, because we have been unable to find older teens who are not in public school.  Even at church there are no homeschoolers and I have even had Christians at the church disapprove of our homeschooling!  They feel we should be out in the world spreading the Word.  Sometimes it is discouraging, but we do not let it get us down too much.  My daughters have hobbies where they meet others, though not similar ages, and I am very self sufficient – years as a military wife moving around a lot, has made it nigh impossible to have friends on a permanent basis – I have friends but we all live in different parts of the world or country – and so we use email and the phone.  It would be wonderful to have someone in this area, but I understand it is not always easy to fit in.  In many ways I don’t want to fit in, I like the fact that my daughters and I are not up on the latest tv shows, or latest must have item – and I like the fact that we school the way we do.  We are what we are – and when the opportunity arises we are very sociable, but when the social aspects of life are a bit lean, we don’t worry too much.  I love this group for that reason, here the people understand the CM approach and the eclectic way of schooling and it is a comfortable place to be.  I grew up in the country as well – and got used to being by myself or just having a couple of friends.  The notion of having lots of friends is not important to me, and the girls have their contacts around the world and each other, plus the people they know when they pursue their interests and that for now has to be enough.  So I guess a lot of us are in the same boat, and it is nice to know we are not the only ones.

Lindsey, how about about social differences and not social awkwardness – I think from reading these posts, we all like who we are and how we live our lives.  I hold my hand up proudly when I say I am old fashioned, I like that about myself and don’t care what others think about it.  It is comforting to know that we are not alone really and it is so nice that Sonya allows us all to be ourselves on this group and to talk about things that are not always about schooling – I appreciate her so much for that.  I imagine that on this group we run the gamut age wise, and I am probably one of the older mums, but is is nice that we can all relate and discuss and share what is on our hearts.  I love my neighbors, even though they sometimes give us funny looks because we are at home all day, and they go out to work, and I love the fact that I have the freedom to be different.  When I feel sorry for myself, I think of the families in Germany where I used to live, that cannot homeschool because it is illegal, and then I feel blessed with my lot in life.  I consider all of the ladies on here friends on a journey of discovery and I cherish you all, even though we disagree on somethings.  Vive le difference I say.

I have to say where I live there are many homeschoolers, including some of my closest friends from before we had kids (back when I was cooler than catching puke barehanded…)  We have a support group with lots of CMers but others too.  I attend a Bible study that has a homeschool class for K-5th while we are doing our study but many moms there are not homeschoolers so it is a nice balance of ideas.  I do think it sounds like you all like yourselves and are proud to be who God created you to be so bravo for that.  I know plenty of woman who cannot say the same thing-homeschoolers and not.  My idea if I found myself in your shoes would be to host some sort of gathering on your turf-partly for your comfort, partly so you could have more control over conversation and what you did for the night.  I had a bunch of homeschool moms over to watch the SCM video conference and it gave great ideas to CMers and others.  I included inviting young moms thinking about homeschooling.  You could do something completely non homeschool related like a cookie swap, sewing demonstraion, knitting how-to, scrapbooking.  I sympathize with your situation and I am proud you are being yourself without apology.  I notice on the forum here that there are many ideas and I feel others respect conflicting views so that makes this feel very safe.  I hope you can find that in your area as well.  God Bless!

Wow!  Our internet service has been down for about 4 days or so and I’ve been unable to check in here and as I was scanning through the posts this a.m. I came across this one (interestingly enough this very topic is what I thought on all weekend and have really come to a discouraged place).  But I have a bit of another layer to add and was wondering if any of you could relate.  I not only feel like I don’t fit in anywhere outside the home, but I don’t think my husband really sees the value in what I’m doing either.  The kids and I have come such a long way this past year in forming better habits and improving character qualities (ALL because of the grace of God and His help) ;  my oldest and I have worked hard at making sure our meals are nutritious and home cooked as much as possible, the kids and I have made a schedule to make sure the house is picked up and clean at the end of the day and we’ve worked on conflict resolution so there’s more peace–but I don’t think he really cares about these things.  I noticed on another thread where someone mentioned that homeschool shouldn’t come before the marriage;  does this mean if these qualities aren’t important to your husband then they shouldn’t be important to you as the wife and mom as well and just focus on what he thinks is important?  Hope this isn’t getting too personal.

mj,

Maybe it just doesn’t seem to you like your husband appreciates what you’ve been doing. I mean, I think if you and the kids sat around all day arguing and the house was a disaster, he would probably dislike that. Sometimes I do something I think my husband will notice, and he doesn’t acknowledge. I think it’s a man thing. So I’ll ask and he says he appreciates it; it just doesn’t occur to him to say it. I’m sure these things make a difference to him. It sounds like your home is a pleasant place to be for everyone including him. 

If you think of the past year, does your husband seem more relaxed or happy or satisfied than he did a year ago? Maybe that could tell you that what you do has made a difference, unless there is just something else he wants you to work on. Have your asked him what he would like you to work on in the home? Remember what you do is important even when others don’t see it.