enforcing chores

Hi Rene,

Your posts here have been really helpful for me. I have a 3.5 yo DS and a baby due in a few weeks. I totally “do it myself because I can get it done faster and the way I want it done”. Yikes. But since he’s 3 it’s not too late to change my ways I don’t think since he loves to “help” and is always asking to. (ugh. I feel bad for refusing him now.) What sorts of things (chores) would you recommend at this age and how did you get over the stress of it being done more slowly and not perfectly? (not to say he would do a bad job on purpose but he would do it more like a 3 yo who’s never done these things before instead of a 37 yo woman who has been doing them for years.)

Thanks. 🙂

I understand my son is 9. You would think it would kill him to do the dishes. We even have a dishwasher. One day it took him all day. ( I wanted to see how long it would take him.) I refuse to do that again. So I told him we all have to do chores. So the next time he complained I layed down on the couch and when he asked what was for dinner I whined and said, ” I don’t want to do my chores it is so hard.” besides, I can’t cook dinner because there is nothing to eat off of. I told him if he does all the dishes I can do my chores. So, even if I have a little snack before dinner to get me threw the dishes thing he will learn that we all have to do our chores. I also don’t let him eat breakfast if the animals are not fed and if he hasn’t finished his chores. He is also not allowed to go with me anywhere if he doesn’t have the chores done. This has helped alot. Especially if he isn’t expecting a surprise trip somewhere! 🙂

  I also have another way if you get totally fed up. If the dishes are dirty and no one wants to help and they are all complaining. Then you can always cook spegetti. Set it in front of them. After prayer and Thanking God for your food you get a revelation. No one is thankful for their forks so you take the forks away. Same with the knives, napkins. Then you tell them the plates weren’t washed and we are not thankful for the plates. Because, If we were thankful we would take care to clean them. You want us to be thankful for everything on the table including the dishes and put the spegetti on the table. You may get alot of whining. Maybe some laughter but it will make them think.   Be Thankful in ALL Things… 🙂

I didn’t read everything, but the biggest thing that helps my 9yo who likes to complain is to threaten to add more to his list.  Complain about cleaning the bathroom? Then wash a 2nd bathroom, etc. Also, we have Sat. chore day…so it’s only once a week to dust, vacuum, etc. instead of multiple days…and no computer time, friend time until chores are done.  He also hates showers…what is it with boys and showers? 🙂  About the only thing that has helped is to often have showers right before there’s something to do so he’s forced to hurry….not much help there, probably:)  Gina

I am going to suggest this, because it has made chores possible in our home, and mom doesn’t have to nag.  MyJobChart.com   I resisted for a longgggg time, b/c I didn’t want to send the message that we should all be rewarded with tangible rewards when we do chores or help with the family.  However, after trying umpteenth systems to no avail, I gave this a go.    It has been a fabulous choice for our family.  Most of the rewards set up are goals that my husband and I have created ourselves; not material goods.  Examples….time with dad or mom, bedtime story, computer time, ice cream, etc….  Just thought I’d share.

momto2blessings, boys and showers?! Oh my. I can relate with 4 sons in the house!

I struggled a long time with chores. Someone mentioned being consistent! YES! I was not and neither were the children.

I posted awhile ago about a solution I came up with, and I’m thrilled to say we are still using it. It does work and I am able to change the chores as needed. For instance, we have a chore card in the winter for bringing down firewood. We haven’t needed that one this summer LOL!

It works for us, but I still have some that complain more than others about chores. Loss of privileges works as the best motivator here. Also, DH and I are adamant the chores are finished by 4:30. I have a morning chore round before breakfast, an afternoon one before Daddy comes home, and then a few are nightly (feeding dog, dish duty (each child does one weeknight).

Hth, Leslie

http://roomforatleastonemore.wordpress.com/2010/05/18/i-heart-stefanie-and-her-lovelies/

.yes, Rene, I would be interested to see what chores your girls do, if you have the time to post them. (You only have girls, right? I have two girls and one boy, close to the ages of your children.)

I do have all girls, they are 13 (14 in one month!), 11 and 9.  We’ve been doing chores for about a year and 3 months now. I try to set up the chores so they take everyone about the same amount of time.  We rotate them every 4 months.

Morning Chores – done after breakfast

13 yr old

1. Unload dishwasher
2. Personal chores – make bed, straighten room, get dressed, put away pj’s, brush teeth and hair
3. Vacuum living room
4. Girls bathroom – straighten, clean mirror and sink, gather trash

11 yr old

1. Personal chores – same as above
2. Start a load of laundry that Mom has pre-sorted
3. Load dishwasher w/breakfast dishes
4. Master bathroom – clean mirror and sink, gather trash

9 yr old

1. Personal chores
2. Clean table and stove
3. Sweep kitchen
4. Vacuum bedroom

In the mornings I sort the laundry, vacuum other parts of the house, dust when it’s needed, do my own personal chores and anything else I see that needs doing.

As soon as morning chores are done on weekdays we get right to school time.

Evening Chores – done after dinner

13 yr old

1. Fold Towel
2. Brush teeth and get bed ready for sleeping (clean it off, put away any clothes, etc)
3. Walk through living room and play room and put away ALL personaly property
4. Refill ice trays
5. Wash out Dad’s work water bottles and refill
6. Refill own water bottle, put in fridge

11 yr old

1. Help mom clear table, put away leftovers, and load dishwasher
2. Set the coffee pot to go off in the morning (this is a favorite chore!)
3. Fill own water bottle, put in fridge
4. Walk through living room and play room and put away ALL personaly property
5. Brush teeth and get bed ready for sleeping

9 yr old

1. Brush teeth and get bed ready for sleeping
2. Walk through living room and play room and put away ALL personaly property
3. Clean table and stove
4. Sweep kitchen
5. Fill own water bottle, put in fridge

In the evenings I refill our water filter, get vitamins out for the next day, get my husband’s things ready that he will need for work (lunch, snacks, etc) and make sure everything is done for the night.

The morning chores are usually done in about 20 minutes, and the evening chores are done in about 30 – less than an hour a day but it’s made such a difference in our home.

Hi Rene,

Your posts here have been really helpful for me. I have a 3.5 yo DS and a baby due in a few weeks. I totally “do it myself because I can get it done faster and the way I want it done”. Yikes. But since he’s 3 it’s not too late to change my ways I don’t think since he loves to “help” and is always asking to. (ugh. I feel bad for refusing him now.) What sorts of things (chores) would you recommend at this age and how did you get over the stress of it being done more slowly and not perfectly? (not to say he would do a bad job on purpose but he would do it more like a 3 yo who’s never done these things before instead of a 37 yo woman who has been doing them for years.) Thanks. 🙂

Well, I’m no expert on chores and little ones.  I didn’t have specific chores for my children until they were all much older.  At that age, with my youngest especially, I would just let them hand me things when I was emptying the dishwasher, or I showed them how to fold washcloths.  I tried to just find something for them to do to “help” and even something little would make them feel like big helpers. 🙂

In the book Managers of Their Chores, Teri Maxwell says to make your children “Mommy’s little shadows”  Let them help set the table and put away low dishes, dump and stir ingredients, sweep with a small broom, etc.  The important thing I think at this time is just to create the mindset that keeping the home can be pleasant and working together is fun.  If you invest in this time now, you will reap huge rewards later. 

One thing I did when my girls were young is let them help me mop.  I would set a bucket of soapy water in the middle of the floor and give them each a washcloth.  I showed them how to wring it out and they went to town making a mess on the floor but hopefully getting the floor clean in the process.  Then we all got dry towels and scooted around drying the floor.  To be honest I didn’t always enjoy this process, but my girls didn’t know and even now they have fond memories of thoes time.  We use a swiffer now.

As far as the stress, I will just tell you the truth of what changed my life.  I have been a believer in Jesus for as long as I can remember, but it wasn’t until a few years ago that I learned to just believe God’s Word as it is written.  I no longer believe in the need to “die to self” – I believe what the Bible says, that I am already dead. I have been crucified with Christ and I am no longer in the flesh.  I cannot crucify my own self, and I don’t need to.  God did it for me.  He put me to death with Jesus,  my “old man”  was crucified with Him, and I am now dead to sin, and am free to serve righteousness and be married to Christ. It is done, it is finished.  I am justified and I am sanctified by the cleansing blood of my Lord, Jesus Christ the Righteous.  

Since coming to believe this, I have had real fruit in my life. I am changed.  It doesn’t mean that I never sin – there are times when, in the moment,  I have chosen to walk after my dead flesh rather than after the spirit.  But I know that I don’t have to, that God provided a way,  and all I have to do is say “Thank you Lord for putting me to death with Christ” – because a dead person doesn’t get angry, and a dead person does’t get frustrated, and a dead person doesn’t yell at her children.  I used to yell at my children almost daily and I would go to bed every might crying and begging God to make me a better mother. I put the internet and message boards above their needs and I was constantly frustrated by them.  Now, in the last 4 years or so, I would say probably less than 10 times have I raised my voice to them.  I am especially thankful that my relationship with my oldest daughter has been restored.  There was a time a few years ago when she imagined herself causing physical harm to me, but now several times each day she tells me “I love you”.  

HTH!

Rene’