Charlotte’s Original Writings

Christine, Thanks so much for taking the initiative to create a schedule! I too need a bit slower pace, though, due to previous commitments. (Anyone read Dallas Willard’s Divine Conspiracy ?!?) Are others OK to try Shanna’s schedule?

Nancy G.

Great ladies! When I said a chapter, I don’t think that’s what I really meant. In Vol. 5, I means section 1 of part 1 – pg. 3-23. This is 20 pages. I just didn’t see another good stopping point in the book, but I’m definitely open to suggestions.

Yes, I was referring to the 24th. We are leaving for vacation tomorrow, but I was planning to read this in the car. we’ll be home on the 31st. We have wifi, so I was going to pop in. I was planning to pop in every now and then anyway! Heehee. 🙂

The next section is considerably shorter at only 8 pages.

Really excited!

Blessings,

Christine

Cindy,

Read which ever you are most comfortable reading.

Hi! I’m in! I’ve lurked on this site for quite a while. I am reading to dig deeper into CM. I’ve wet my toes for a couple years and now and to the point that I am beside myself with excitement to be diving in.

I have 4 children–2 boys (11 1/2 and 9 1/2) and 2 daughters (3 1/2 and 2 1/2–both from China). I SOOOOO wish I had been ready to do CM with the boys from the beginning. I can’t wait to educate the girls in CM style!!!

I’ve been having people ask me about it as they hear how excited I am and how it feels right, knowing God has been leading me toward this for years.

Thanks!

Charlene

http://www.themiracleofthemoment.blogspot.com

Waiting on my book to come in and I’m headed to a family wedding near Memphis this weekend. Hopefully early next week my book will be in and I can join in!

OK, I guess I’ll just dive in, at the risk of being first! 😕 Even though I’ve given this chapter some thought, I wonder whether I’ll express those thoughts in as organized a fashion as I’d like. I also want to EMPHASIZE in this first attempt at a response that I have made so very many mistakes as a parent. Our oldest 3 kids are in their 20’s, and I’d give so much if I’d known and understood some principles better. Please patiently read every single word in the spirit intended – HUMILITY!! By the way, I read both the original and modern versions.

First, I’ll acknowledge that, as a mom of 4, I’ve not had to deal with tantrums too much. I’m sure that some kids are more prone to give it a try than others. I also tried, when it did happened initially, to make sure that the kids quickly understood how unproductive it was towards their goals. If we were in a store or at the home of a friend, we left. If they wanted something, they didn’t get it. If it seemed that the goal was attention, they got me going nonchalantly about my business. (That one took some learning!) With one child in particular, I learned that keeping my own voice calm helped a lot. In the category of “an ounce of prevention,” we learned that simple issues like adequate rest, timely food, routines, giving them a head’s-up before expecting a change in activity or something new were all helpful contributions on our part.

If that habit has been developed, it does seems like CM hits on some truly Scriptural principles:

The discussion about pathways in the brain reminded me of the verse in

Proverbs that we all know about training our children in the ways they

should go.

Helping to divert the child’s attention to pleasant activities seems like

it might be cooperating with God to help “provide a way of escape’ from

temptation. (Corinthians)

The idea of replacing a negative habit with a positive one reminded me of

Colossians, where it talks about putting off some behaviors and putting on

new ones.

I did wrestle with a couple of aspects from this chapter. I’m not sure exactly what kind of a difference it might make, but on P13 the father seems to describe the tantrums as a childish behavior, not “willful rebellion,” yet his goal is for the child to “repent.” My biggest issue, though, by far, was in understanding HOW the parents are to be expressing love and “estrangement” at the same time. What is CM’s definition of withdrawal? These words and phrases were all from P16-17 – “coolness, estrangement, isolation, silence, no response, not a word.” It is my deeply held conviction, from experience, that no matter how well-intentioned, the act of pulling away, being distant, remote, unapproachable is SO EASILY misunderstood by a child as a loss of love. How are the parents demonstrating, communicating their love during this episode? I saw “…he must never doubt that we love him.” But I didn’t understand how the child perceived this. Of course choices have consequences, and of course we sometimes feel saddened by wrong choices our children make. Did I miss something? How was CM advocating that this love be expressed?

Well, hopefully this isn’t too wordy! Good night, and I’ll look forward greatly to any responses!

Nancy G.

OK, mj, I confess that I’m responding from my own issues 😕 But, I have just got to ask – what does it look like, what words get used, to communicate “out of fellowship?” I’m curious how others handle the specifics of teaching and modelling God’s standards AND His grace. I promise, then, I’ll let this drop!! It’s been a big and difficult stumbling block in my relationship with God, to feel that if I mess up, I’m not loved anymore, and though my parents loved me dearly, I think my dad unintentionally played a big role in some key misunderstandings. I never want another kid to ever feel that way if I can help it! Hope you understand.

Also – where is everybody??? Do others have responses to the chapter yet?

Nancy, I TOTALLY understand what you are saying. I too grew up with parents who loved me and my brother, but in the area of discipline they (especially my mom) just missed the mark. I too felt like as long as I obeyed and kept them happy, then I was loved. But if I messed up, then I lost their love. When you think about it, they trained me to worship them–So now as an adult, God is teaching me that His love is different (and I’m soo thankful that He is!) and that my focus should be on pleasing and obeying Him. (I’ve prayed for years that He would destroy the misconceptions I have of Him and help me know Him for who He truly is–by and by, He’s doing this.)

For us, out of fellowship can be (1)…a choice for them to make (ie-“You can change your attitude (complaining, whining, etc) or you can spend time alone in your room away from the rest of the family, until you feel like being pleasant.”) OR (2)…a choice that I make for them (ie-“I can not allow you to behave this way (hitting, name calling, rebellious acts, etc.). Go to your room until I come to talk with you.”); with the 2nd example I give them (and me 😕 )enough time to calm down and then go ‘reunite’ with them to talk about whatever it is that happened, (hopefully, they will have a contrite heart)and then try to apply natural consequences for the specific offense. The key God has shown me to this is the way in which I talk to them. (It’s hard for me to remain calm, because I tend to model the example I got growing up;which was someone yelling at me and making me feel guilty.) We should see these times as opportunities to teach our children about God’s ways, in a ‘matter of fact’,non-condemning manner(Jesus came not to condemn the world, but to save it.)–we have to remember that they truly don’t know. Would we yell at our 2 year old for not knowing his times tables? My parents treated me as if I should know already–but how could I know if no one ever taught me.

Since none of this comes naturally to me, I have to refer back often to Kevin Leman’s book Bringing Up Children Without Tearing Them Down. This is a WONDERFUL resource written from a Biblical perspective. And, of course, I pray, seek, and pray some more 😀 that God will continue to give me wisdom to raise these children for His glory.

Did I come close to answering, or did I just ramble? 😳

I, too was wondering where everybody else is and if they had responses to ch. 1.