When your spouse is not 100% on board with home schooling, or the method….

[my3boys]

At times I don’t feel as if my dh as “sold” on home schooling as he claims to be or what he chooses to share with others.  And, that his concern over test scores is not the same as mine.  I am not against testing, necessarily, (we test yearly) but I don’t always believe the tests reveal what a child does know or is passionate about. (I realize they can be used as a tool, learning experience, etc.)  Let’s just say that he is more concerned about what they reveal than I am.  I don’t know, sometimes I just feel like at some point if my dc don’t make it into college (if they choose to go) then I will be blamed for how I’ve/we’ve chosen to do things.  If they were in PS he would still blame me because I’m their mother, smarter than him (his words) and should know what’s going on. 

As far as my dc are concerned, I feel they are doing a great job (could always do better, be more thorough, etc.).  I feel that their education is well-rounded and that they have the time to pursue special interests, etc. I can always do better with my time and follow-up on their written narrations, the organizing of our day, etc. But when I observe their PS peers, I remain happy, if not relieved, that they are homeschooled.  I think my dh feels the same, most of the time. 

I don’t quite know what I’m trying to share or what advice I’m looking for…

My dh is not one to get involved in what the boys are doing academically.  He is not the type to go to conferences, read a book, look over their work, do work with them or help me with any kind of planning (basically it’s my dept.), so I guess if it all goes wrong, then it’s all my fault.  He is more the type to listen to them practice music for a bit, watch documentaries with them, take them for bike rides/swimming/camping, etc.  So to ask him to take a more active role in their schooling so he can “see” what/where they are academically is not going to work.  Plus, just because they know who Pablo Picasso is and enjoy his work (or not) really doesn’t matter to my dh.  I guess his idea of education is similar to PS because he refers to the PS system, occasionally.  He may ask if knowing who Picasso is is something that students their age in PS would know about.  I usually tell him that I don’t know and I don’t like to compare my kids to PS students, it’s like comparing applest to oranges.  And, if I’m going to compare, I’d probably find out that their PS peers (not all, of course) know more about things that I’d rather my dc NOT know than DO know.  He would agree on that point, for sure!

Anyhow, I’m not uncertain of my desire to home school (sometimes I worry, become weary, sure) but I don’t worry about my dc’s progress and their opportunities.  I know that if I cannot teach them something (higher level math, for example) then we can find someone who can.  I am completely aware of their struggles and their successes and what we need to work on.  I am also aware of what kind of people they are and are becoming (I feel very blessed).

Any thoughts?

[nebby]

It sounds to me like the main problem is that your dh is insecure about his own intelligence or at least how others view it. What were his educational experiences? Was he made to feel inadequate? I have just read Dumbing Us Down by JohnTaylor Gatto. It really shows how the usual school approach had nothing to do with true learning. And in fact those who do well in school are not necessarily the best and brightest. I think it could help your dh see that the traditional ps way is not the best and perhaps if he feels he didn’t do well in school that that should really not reflect on him.

Nebby

http://www.letttersfromnebby.wordpress.com

(p.s. in a couple of weeks I will have a review of the book on my blog if you want to check it out)

[my3boys]

I think you hit the nail on the head, nebby. Yes, to both of your questions.  My dh was so misunderstood and no one had time, or took the time, to understand how he learned best. And, what he did know was not sufficient or acceptable.  That is not how I want my dc to feel or to be raised (I still value lit, math, history, science, of course 🙂  My dh is very intelligent, street smart, the “fix it man”, hard-working type, and will tackle anything with his hands, as well as, computer savvy (and he is much more than all that…he is a very devoted family man and believer in Jesus).  But he did not do well in school.  He struggled and was labeled “troubled.”  Home schooling would have served him well, but back in the day, that wasn’t a popular option, nor would his parents have been the type to even dream of it.  (My parents wouldn’t have either.) Or, if he could’ve received the kind of help he needed in school, he wouldn’t have struggled so badly.  But that’s in the past.  Our dc have it so different that it’s hard to describe or compare.

Thank you for your book suggestion and I look forward to reading your review. 

 

 

[Jenni]

I second the Gatto book – very enlightening! I’d also suggest “Lies my Teacher Told Me” http://www.amazon.com/dp/0684818868 Not specifically for the racial tone of the book and how back in the day, people of color were just written right out of our history books, but more for how the educational system can tweak the info that they are marketing to our children (those in school, anyway), selling anything they want to be it milk, history, or name brands of pretty much anything (depending on who sponsors certain things in the schools). I firmly believe the most important thing homeschooled kids are learning is how to think independently.

Good luck with your DH – he sounds like a tough nut on this issue, but also like a good guy. I think you’ll just have to tread lightly. Let us know how it goes!

[my3boys]

Thanks Jenni.  I will check out that book, too. 

Honestly, I think for the most part he is thankful that we home school. I mean, it’s been 7 or 8 years!!  And as independent of a thinker my dh is and how suspicious he is of everyone (I guess that would mean me at times, too), you would think that he could see that the testing isn’t really doing anything for the child, no matter what the scores are (at least in elementary school). We know how they are progressing and what they care about and are exposed to, all of which, PSs in our state would not be able to encourage or provide.  And, some of the things the PSs are pushing these days he would NOT be OK with.  I think he just gets concerned and wonders if we are really “doing” academics and, like some people, would like to “see” the proof on paper. I’m certain that he does not understand how the testing is done and how we may not be studying exactly what’s on the test because it’s just not important that year to us/me.  If he would allow me to read some articles to him or a book, I think he would come to understand but, like I mentioned in my pp, he is just not the type.  I’ll figure something out to help him to understand.

I know when he does see his dc pursuing something they love, behaving a certain way (or not!), reading from books he’s never even heard of, etc., he feels relief. I do think he’d rather them home than at PS, but I think the CM method, because it is so different than PS, is foreign to him, although it would’ve been a perfect fit for him as a child.  He was the one that really encouraged me the first year of hsing and still does praise it, but I think that the fact that he does not understand CM is a big part of his concerns.  *Thinking out loud here.*  Maybe he’ll watch a SCM seminar with me.  He likes dvds.

Thanks so much for your thoughtful replies and book suggestions.  I will certainly check them out and see if I can read an article or two to him.  I would love for him to understand CM, even embrace it, but I don’t know how much info he could digest at one time.  Maybe I should ask him, again, if he’d like to understand what we do (and why) and how it may not “look” be like PS (probably better) but is how I have chosen to educate the boys.  Normally he says that this is my thing and that he trusts me, but then I get the questions/concerns/comparisons, etc., (I realize they are his boys and has a right to ask) and that’s when I get the feeling we are not on the same page.  I think some concern is that he does not want his boys to end up a construction worker (like he is). He has great respect for all who work construction (he knows how hard it is) and he loves his job, and is very good at it, but he’d like to see his boys do better, or at least have the choice to go to college.  He’s just making sure that what I am doing with them is paving the way for that.

*Thanks for letting me think this through.  I think I have some ideas of what to share and am understanding his concerns a bit better.

[suzukimom]

If he would allow me to read some articles to him or a book, I think he would come to understand but, like I mentioned in my pp, he is just not the type.

 

This is going to sound a bit funny – but my husband is the same way.  Yet, he has learned a lot about CM education.  (I know that because he will sometimes comment on it, especially if he feels that something I’m doing isn’t CM from his understanding….)

And how did he get that knowledge….?   Well – I read in the bathroom…. and so I generally have a book in there… and usually a homeschooling one…   And apparently he reads in the bathroom too – whatever happens to be in there.   Worth a shot!

(If I were setting up books for him (honestly I didn’t) – I’d start with getting some Todd Wilson Homeschooling Cartoon books – who can resist cartoons!

[Doug Smith]

Speaking as a guy, us men are often best persuaded by logical arguments. You might take a look at some of the materials from Dr. Brian Ray at the National Home Education Research Institute. He takes a research and statistical approach to homeschooling growth and effectiveness.

Sometimes guys are also willing to watch a video more readily than read a book. For specifics on a CM education you might look at our YouTube channel or our All-Day Charlotte Mason Seminar videos.

[lnosborn]

My husband would never read a book I gave him… honestly, lol. But he might watch a DVD. Some friends loaned us Voddie Baucham’s DVD “The Children of Caesar”. He really enjoyed that and even wanted to take notes on it. It had a lot of logical and factual points, both from scripture and from evidence. He liked the way Voddie spoke too, haha. Anyway, it’s not really CM specific but you could start there.

[csmamma]

I second Voddie’s “Children of Caesar”.

[Jenni]

Anybody got a good source for the Voddie Bauchan Jr DVD?

[my3boys]

I have no idea but I will bump this for you.

Thank you for all of the great advice.

[butterflylake]

I may be mistaken, but I believe Voddie Bauchan spoke at the Teach Them Diligently Conventions this year and those sessions were all recorded and available for purchase – you might check the convention website.

 

[vikingkirken]

Chiming in a bit late here, but… Maybe the Picasso comment is him looking for things to brag about! My hubby does that… Facebook comments like “my daughter wants to learn Swedish! Homeschooling FTW!” No pressure… :-/

Also, as far as his college concerns, many colleges offer dual enrollment programs for high schoolers that allow them to gain college credit early, and actually give them a HS diploma. It seems to be a popular homeschooling approach for those last two years to fill in higher-level math, science, etc. Maybe a little research on that type of thing would allay his fears?

(As a side note, many trades pay better than college-educated jobs nowadays.)