What's Going On Here?

It is so frustrating when you and your kids are on a different page. I know I’ve been there a time or two. And it wasn’t that they we rebelling or being disobedient, there was just a lack of spark, or lack of enjoyment. I don’t know what the answer is, but I can tell you what we have done when the doldrums set in. My thinking is that it is the kids education and I want them to own it as much as possible. The last time we hit the doldrums I let the kids do their own thing for a while. But it was far from unschooling! They had to come up with a full proposal of what they would be doing. It had to include some form of writing, some form of teaching others what you learned ( one kid made a game with written instructions, one made a poster and one wrote a book). They also had to list questions about their chosen topic, what resources they needed, how much it would cost and how long it would take. ( math and grammar/ spelling are not negotiable– I pick and schedule those). The kids learned a lot, put a lot of energy and effort into their projects– and within 6 weeks were ready to come back to a more Charlotte Mason type daily plan. Sometimes we just need a little shake up. 12 years is a long time. Good luck in whatever you choose, and remember nothing is set in stone.

Hey Amanda!  I’ve been where you are many times it seems.  I’ve wondered too why I was being so insistant on a CM type of daily schedule in the first place.  I’ve experienced those same postures and hesitations toward our lessons.  My kids love to learn.  They are generally very well behaved.  They spend their time a lot like you describe your kids spending theirs.  It’s not a habit issue here either.  There is something about the freedom of homeschooling and then the application of lessons and a schedule that don’t always jive.  When we got to the ages you are at now (mine are almost 12 and almost 14) and maybe a little younger it got worse.  Middle school.  When suddenly it wasn’t all fun and games or exposure and they really had to learn material that would be building on more material.  (Not that elementary is not serious and not that they are not learning a ton then but face it everyone elementary school of any type is a lot different and precieved by children as easier)  I wish I had an answer and I’m shocked more folks have not mentioned this transition. 

I have one child who really loves structure and set expectations.  I have another who is fine without those things.  That dynamic often seems to play in to this other issue of “school/lessons” learning and “just learning” and I hate it.  It’s really tough for me to keep up an energetic, vivacious, enthusiastic demeanor when faced with their sort of regret that it’s a school day.  I can’t unschool either entirely.  I have no idea why I’d be home and sacrificing the way we are for them to unschool.  And where does that leave them at graduation?  I’m over simplifying it in those statements but that’s essentially how unschooling feels to me.  I used to be one who thought that unschooling and CM had a place at the same table.  I still think they are compatible, but only at the elementary levels.

So, I have simply kept at it.  I try to keep the scheduling and over structuring to a limit.  I try to point out that we are learning in every activity we do all day.  I try to make things even more interesting, and maybe the most important thing I’ve done is to say: “Ok, how will you get in to college?  Becaue you can’t live here forever.  You won’t want to.  How will you be a productive and positive member of society?  Lets look at college entrance requirements.”  Suddenly they see that simply doing what they want in a bubble all day won’t translate to the actual skills they need to do what they want in life.  So, our days now are spent with a good deal of focus and mindfulness of “Where am I going?  What do I want to do?”  Goal setting … I guess.  Seems young but it’s helping to counter this apathy toward a CM daily schedule. 

Last advice/comment … the LESS your day and week look scheduled and lessoned to death, the better they react.  That has been my challenge here.  How to integrate, or hide even, the lessons that are getting done.  Because the subjects are ones they love and would inquire of themselves on their own time.  Not all, but most are.  That and being alert to show them the subjects alive in the world around them … so they see it’s not worthless information, useless skills, etc.  Not that they say or think that but it helps none the less to emphasize it. 

HTH