What to do with a stubborn, reluctant boy

Wait!!
Five is still so young, esp for a boy.  Spend lots of time outside, play games (even sneak in some fun learning games if he enjoys them), read great books, and just enjoy this time together.

Although you are ready, he is clearly not.  Don’t force it.  That may turn him off from learning and reading altogether.

One thing to consider may be Five in a Row or Before Five in a Row – for the books and gentle activities.  Have fun with it.  He’ll get there!

A few things come to mind (I have two October birthday boys).  First, do you have reporting requirements in your state for a 5 year old?  Here in Ohio you are not ‘required’ to register and report about a child unless they have turned 6 years old before the end of September. You can CHOOSE to register them when they are 5 as Kindergarteners, but you don’t have to. So for my October birthday boys I didn’t register them until the following year (when they were almost 7 years old to start the year).  That meant that it really didn’t matter when we started doing their learning for age 6, so if they weren’t ready at almost 6 or newly 6 we didn’t start anything.  If they were ready and raring to go we did.  (These two particular children were opposites.  One was not ready at all, didn’t learn to read until age 8, wasn’t ready for sit down work at newly turned 6.  The other taught himself to read at age 3 with no help from me and was reading chapter books at age 3.5.  He would do math his older siblings were doing in his head.  He was beyond ready at age 6.)

In your instance, with a child who you don’t think will be ready/willing, I would do two things.

1. Really focus for now on habits of obedience, attention, etc.  Because we know that if he’s already in the habit of obedience it will go a long way toward getting him into the groove of school work.  If he is already in the habit of giving full attention to what he is doing then he will work steadily and the ‘work’ you give him for school when it is time will be done quickly and won’t feel like a hardship (because he won’t drag it out.  Short lessons are such a key with children like this!).

2. Don’t start next fall.  He’ll be 6 for an entire year, so why not consider starting when he’s 6 and 1/4 (January-ish) or 6 and 1/2 or even the following fall when he’s nearly 7.  He will mature so much in just a 3 month span of time, or 6 months.  You may be surprised and he WILL be ready next fall, because he’s going to be a very different maturity level by then.  But if not, give him more time.

Okay, I’ll give you a #3 too.  3. Start slow.  Don’t pile on the entire full load of subjects at day one.  What do you think he’ll enjoy most? Start with that one thing and one ‘basic’.  So for my reluctant learner it was science/nature study (enjoy) and handwriting/copywork (basic – which we kept to 5 minutes or less but did daily).  Then after that little bit is going well and becoming a habit or routine in his day add 1 more thing.  And then another.  You get the idea!  So what if it takes 3 months to get all the subjects going?  If you’ve preserved his love of learning and built a solid routine he can go with then you’ve saved yourself months of battles that could have resulted from starting everything at once.

As always, this is just my opinion…others might do it differently….and that is okay!

I think it takes a long time to learn obedience and any habit really.  I know when I look at my own habits that I am still working on personally it makes me realize that if I’m still working on learning things at age 34 then it is no wonder my children are not perfect at a habit as children.  It can take a lifetime to build some of these habits!  I think often people expect more of their children than is reasonable – more than they expect of themselves.  For example, I found myself expecting my children to always be cheerful over work they needed to do (be that homeschool, or chores, or a job) when I know that I am not always cheerful over work I need to do.  Why would I expect a child to be able to do what I have not mastered as an adult?  Once I realized my unreasonable expectations it made a world of difference.  I can accept that my children are still children and they’re not going to be perfect at any habit or attitude, and that it is wrong of me to hold them to a higher standard than I could meet as an adult.

I guess all of that to say, “Hang in there.  Be consistent in practicing habits but also remember that our children are learning and may take many years to learn well some habits, just like we’re taking many years with learning some well.”