What does the habit of obedience REALLY look like in your house?!

We have been blessed to be in a church where the elder’s wives have so much wisdom in training their children and you can see how obedient and happy they are.  They have counseled us from the beginning that obedience isn’t obedience unless it is: right away, the right way, and with a cheerful heart.  The Bible says children should both honor and obey their parents, for this is pleasing to the Lord. (as Gina mentioned)  So if a child is outwardly obeying, but has a bad attitude about it, they aren’t honoring their parents and it isn’t obedience.  So we certainly have our cycles of disobedience, but my children are very good about saying “Yes maam” (or yes mommy) and obeying.  It’s so nice to be out of the home(and at home too:) and not have to argue or have to deal with a bad attitude.  If they have a question or need to say something relevant, we’ve trained them to immediately say “Yes maam, may I ask you a question?” 

Also, we like positive training, I don’t know how old your kiddos are, but we do a few minutes of the training once a week.  It’s hard to expect them to do what we ask without showing them, so mine sit on the couch and I give “commands”, like to my 7 yr old, go pick up the book, then when he sits down, the next one goes with an age appropriate activity.  To my youngest, it’s go run and touch the frige and sit down again, or pick up that toy, etc.  They say Yes maam, and hurry and do it and come sit back down.  They all actually think it’s fun and it’s a great way to teach the youngest ones by example.  Then they all get a big hug and we read a book together. (and it gets the room clean:)  Hope that made sense? 

I also find it effective if they don’t come immediately, or if they sit where they are and holler “What mommy?”, to practice coming 5 times.  So they run back to what they were doing, I call again, they say “Coming mommy” and come.  The older they get the more times they have to practice. 

We all feel/have felt like a failure at times, so be encouraged that you are doing what is pleasing to the Lord in training them in the nurture and admonition of him.  I would also make sure you and your husband are on the same page about exactly what you expect, then apologize to your children for not holding them to that, lay out what is expected and give them a week or so of training.  Then be consistent; it’s usually my fault when they are acting up because I’ve let things slide a few times. 

Expectations for children are usually too low, not to high.  It doesn’t matter if they are grouchy or moody, we are called to think of others first, and to speak with gentleness and love.  So yes, we need to remember that they are little people with emotions too, but we, as well as our children, are called to glorify God in all we say and do. 

I also forget to pray for widsom in this area as well, so that would be the best starting point:) Sorry that was so long!  Adrienne

this is an area where I am struggling too. 

So, for instance, I ask my son to empty the dishwasher (something he is supposed to do), and most likely his response is stomping to the dishwasher, or making some verbal “ohhhh” type whine, etc.  A couple of weeks ago he broke a dish from banging it down hard.  

So – how am I supposed to handle this?  He isn’t doing it happily, but I have no idea how to make someone do something happily.    In fact, we had immense problems with my step-daughter (now 20 and out of the house) getting her to do things period.  She was basically of the attitude “you can’t make me” – and she was right.  (it didn’t help that my dh wouldn’t do some of the consequences that I suggested….)   

My kids are pretty good – and we get compliments on how well behaved they are… but sure aren’t good at obeying the first time – and especially happily.

Obedience is one of those habits we’re always “working on”. My children (5.5 and 7) are wonderfully obedient compared to what they were even six months ago, so I consider that a large success, even though I have small failures from time to time. Our biggest hurdle right now is dd’s dawdling!

Anyway, if I am met with a bad attitude, I will have my child do the task over and over again until I believe their heart is right. So, suzukimom, your example of your son’s stomping to unload the dishwasher, I would make my child walk to the dishwasher over and over until their attitude is one of respect and cheerfulness. I also explain how bad attitudes don’t only affect them, but the entire home.

Hebrews 13:17 has been the best verse we’ve found on helping the children understand the WHY behind obedience. According to this verse, there are two reasons: 1.) Because authority figures are responsible for protecting the child and must give an account to God someday, therefore the child must do his part by obeying immediately; and 2.) Because their quick obedience makes my work joyful, rather than burdensome, so it benefits everyone. 

We’ve always used Eph. 6:1 in the midst of disobedience, but have tacked Heb. 13:17 onto it.

I will admit that our days certainly aren’t perfect, but they’re much smoother than they used to be. Now, if I could just get dd to stop dawdling!

Blessings,

Lindsey

Mysterious Lady,

I’m going to agree with you on that one. When our children were toddlers, they had so much STUFF! We didn’t really start to get rid of stuff until about two years ago. I notice that they are more content to play happily with one thing for a long time when they have less, and are discontent and constantly complaining of boredom when they have more stuff. We have made it a priority to go through our entire house/garage 3-4 times a year. In fact, dh and I did a major garage cleaning last night. It seems no matter how much stuff I throw out, I can always find more that we don’t need. 

God has really changed our hearts over the last few years to an attitude of “less is more”. Our children are learning it too, although it can be difficult for them, because we are all innately selfish. I do think selfishness and disobedience go hand-in-hand. And I think contentment contributes to obedience.

Interesting observation!

Blessings,

Lindsey

Lindsey and Sara –

How do you decide which toys to keep, which to throw?  My dds’ room is almost always a mess, even though we have them pick up several times a day.  We’re realizing they just have too much stuff!  But compared to a lot of their friends, they have little…what toys have you decided to keep? 

Thanks!
Erin