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What do you say to non homeschoolers
- This topic has 6 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 5 months ago by
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A dear friend of mine is an older lady almost 70 years old. She is very opinionated and likes to voice her disgust for homeschool as often as she can to me and my children. I have tired to take it with a grain of salt, but as the year goes on it gets more frustrating. The other day she made comments to my daughter ( 7 yr old) when is she going to grow up and act right and go back to regular school like other kids. Ahhh I wanted to scream but didn’t know what to say that wouldn’t be disrespectful for her age and all. She mentions how the dollar tree has little work books that’s she calls schoolbooks and how wouldn’t that be a better way to teach her than I do now, and cheaper why don’t I just get those. I mean what do I say to that. She doesn’t begin to understand homeschool in general or Charlotte Mason. Other times she says things like well why can’t you go here or there during the day or can’t I come over it’s not like y’all are doing anything anyway. She doesn’t see all the extra things we CMers do as learning. Honestly I don’t see why I should explain myself to her but don’t know what to do. She takes my daughter to a co-op class on mondays since it’s during the babies nap times. She complaines about that and says that’s not real school and they don’t learn anything and I’m not sure she understands that the co-op isn’t suppose to be real school anyway. She is always comparing my daughter and 2 yr old son to other kids and how much “smarter” the other kids are than mine. I’m sorry this is so long I’m just desperate to know what I should do or say or not do. This is our first physical year homeschooling. Previously she was in public school by her and I hated it. I couldn’t imagine ever going back we love CM n I can’t wait for our other kids to be old enough to do it with us too. But some people in our family can be such kill joys and demean our schooling and it upsets me and my daughter. It makes her feel ashamed of the way school and that hurts my heart.
Well, I’ll be blunt. Someone who is that rude and disrespectful to you may not be a “dear friend.” If she can’t even control her comments and opinions with a 7yo who is upset by her, that says a lot.
<span style=”line-height: inherit;”>If this were happening in my life, I would start taking dd to the co-op myself,</span>
<span style=”line-height: inherit;”>even if you have to sacrifice the baby’s nap. If you are going to continue to spend time with this woman, perhaps come up with a phrase you can say that will nip her comments in the bud. Something un-emotional and easily repeatable, like, “This is the choice we’ve made for our family. We have it under control.” Rinse and repeat. And if she still can’t have mature boundaries and respect your decisions, very limited contact or no contact. </span>
I’m not sure why my comment posted with such odd spacing!
Honestly, reading your post again makes my blood boil a little bit. You speak of not wanting to be disrespectful to her because of her age. I would encourage you to forget about the age and look at the behavior. I could just as easily say, “A woman her age should know better than to be incredibly rude and demeaning to a friend.” But she doesn’t. This sounds like a persistent problem that is causing you a lot of heartache and anxiety. Don’t let her have that power over you.
You’re absolutely right that you are under no obligation to explain yourself to her. Frankly, it sounds like no explanation would satisfy her, even if it were your job to give her an explanation. So, no more explaining or even responding to her rants. If nothing else, think of it as protecting your daughter.
Total honesty: She’s not acting like a friend and you are allowing her to damage your relationship and your family’s confidence (especially your daughter’s) in homeschooling as a valid educational option. I’m all for babies napping (especially as I look at baby #10’s arrival in 10 weeks) but in your situation I would either drop the co-op or take my daughter to co-op myself. This woman needs removed from your day to day, week to week, regular acquaintance. It is unhealthy to maintain the relationship or to model to your children accepting other people treating and speaking to you and them in this way. You’re showing by your actions that when people act like this you let them.
Yes, I understand it’s not going to be easy. I had to completely cut one of my grandmothers out of our life for several years because of her vocal negativity about our choice to homeschool. Now, about to graduate our oldest always homeschooled child and having so many others along their way in our homeschool my grandmother has recognized that our choice, while it wasn’t one she would have ever considered, is working out well socially, academically, and spiritually.
Agreeing with previous posters. Distance is the best cure for this type of thing. I would reduce contact as much as possible, ESPECIALLY if she is upsetting your daughter or undermining your parenting decisions in front of you. I know that’s tough, but you will not be able to explain anything to this lady, by the sounds of it.
Thank you ladies so very much for your responses! It makes me feel empowered to know I’m not alone in feeling like it’s wrong and that we shouldn’t have to take it. The co-op is over for this semester so that relieves the burden of seeing her weekly for school related matters anyway. I will have to reconsider co-op next semester as y’all suggested and not include her in it. Thank you again for letting me know I’m not alone.
I agree with the others, too.
If she values your friendship, and respects you, she’ll get a clue from the natural consequences of her rudeness, and alter her behavior.
If she doesn’t, understand that she thinks her arrogant and ignorant opinions are more important than a relationship with you and your dd.
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