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Weird Question
- This topic has 22 replies, 10 voices, and was last updated 11 years, 2 months ago by
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Just thought I’d also add that my MIL calls my husband “Babe” all the time, and he is in no way a man that feels inadequate or incompetent. Rather, he has a very sweet relationship with his mom, and I love that. He is a responsible, capable provider. Anyway, I wanted to mention that since someone else said it drives their dh crazy. Different strokes for different folks!
Thanks everyone! This has been very helpful as I sort out my philosophy and break some bad habits.
Dana
Rebekahy, you are right! I don’t think I totally understood the question!:)
Like Lindsey, my ds8 and 10 do not mind when I say babe or baby..which is once in a blue moon when I am in my southern motherly ways 🙂
Blessings dmccall3 on finding what works for you!
I look back at how children were viewed years ago – in CM’s day or in books such as The Little House on the Prairie series. It seems like there were higher expectations for children then and that the kids rose to meet them. It seems to me that our culture tends to lower expectations and allow children to be children well into adulthood really. I want my DS to have a “can do” attitude but instead our current theme is “I can’t,” “I don’t know how,” “I need you to do it.” He can not stand to ever be alone. I know that I have created this situation by far more than letting the “baby” term of endearment slip out. I’m more focused on changing those big things but, like Christie said, I have probably connected babying him with the term itself.
Then I look at my DD and just hope not to repeat the same mistakes so I think, maybe I should go ahead and just get “baby” out of my habits.
I want my children to believe they are capable. I want them to challenge themselves. I want them to overcome obstacles instead of crumbling under them. I believe I have smoothed my DS’s path to the point that he hasn’t had to rely on himself. It seems like I have become a crutch for him. I don’t want to do the same to my DD. I look at my DS and think, “You can do far, far more than you realize” and it’s sad.
Many people on this forum may remember my many posts regarding my DS over the years. Christie, for one, gave me very hard advice at a time I was really struggling. It was hard to hear but if she, and others, hadn’t taken the time to say it I can’t imagine where we’d be now. I have changed a lot about the way I parent and just how I think of parenting in general. My DS is very different from how he once was but we still have a ways to go to reverse the damage I originally caused. So I just also want to take this chance to thank everyone on this forum for answering my questions and helping me along in this parenting journey as we prepare to begin “real” homeschooling very soon!
Thanks!
Dana
I’m not sure it matters much at home but I’d start getting used to being careful what you call them in public. You definitely do NOT want to come out with a “baby” or a “sweetheart” at a Cub Scout Meeting. Don’t ask me how I know.
Potpourri – my reminder was for us all, not you in particular. I apologize that it didn’t begin in a new paragraph as it should have which would have helped make that clear. I posted from my phone and its sometimes hard to see those formatting issues on the small screen. I agree with your assessment of society pushing children to grow up too fast in some ways and that our society robs children of their innocence in many ways. Most homeschooling families would agree with that assessment which is a major reason to homeschool. I don’t think you will find many here on SCM in a rush like that. I don’t think calling a two year old a toddler, for that is what they are as they toddle about, is in any way related. I’ve no issue with calling a child “baby” as a term of endearment, if the child isn’t bothered by it, but I do have an issue with babying or coddling children when they can do for themselves. Promoting and training for independence is the job of parents. The real problem is when childhood privileges and responsibilities are not balanced. Our society tends to fall heavy on the privileges and light on responsibilities which is why we have the myth of the teenager and generations of people who don’t wish to grow up and BE adults.
As homeschooling moms who are with are children so much of the day, we have an even greater opportunity to teach and train our children toward independence in line with their development. We don’t want to fall into the trap of unequal privileges and responsibilities, but when it happens at times, talking it out with other intentional parents whether in person or here on the forum can be a help. It can be the catalyst we need to make a change.
Dana, parenting is hard, heart work. It causes us to think and rethink and should drive to our knees to seek guidance from the Heavenly Father. The older my children get, the more I realize my need to tune into God’s plan for our family. You are doing a wonderful job because you see in yourself what needs changing. Praise God and keep at it! It’s amazing when The Lord changes us how that spills over to our kids. It isn’t always easy or comfortable, but it is when we are pruned that real, new growth happens.
Blessings,
Christie
Bookworm, your post reminded me of a time when I attended my you ger (by 8 years) brother’s 7th grade basketball game. I lived in another state so when I arrived, I walked up and said, “Hi, Wormy (his nickname for years),” and gave him a big hug. He was mortified. I felt terrible that I’d embarrassed him unintentionally. Previously, he wouldn’t have cared, but that had changed while I was away. Lesson learned. I know my ds9 doesn’t mind a variety of endearing pet names at home, but I would never use them at co-op or baseball.
I call my DS6 many names…Baby, Little Man, Buddy, Bud, Monkey, Senior!, Mi pequeno nino….pretty much whatever flies out of my mouth
His Granddad calls him Charlie (which isn’t his name, nor even close to his name)
I don’t see a problem with it when it’s done in a loving way. I would never do any actual “name calling” for mean purposes
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