Venting about Grandparents feeding the kids junk!

Eeeks! I guess I’m a grandma mama 😉 becuase we go to McDonalds once in a while as a special treat for the kids and I do serve corndogs too (along with grapes).

As for grandma, I would let it go. It’s not every day. Unless the child is allergic of course. Since grandma is grandma, I would let my child know that it’s okay to eat and drink what is offered so the child doesn’t feel like she is disobeying.

I do agree that your four year old did eat a lot for 3 and 1/2 hours but again let it go. Just don’t excpect her to give them healthy snacks and food. Go there knowing that she wants to spoil the children.

Pray and ask the Lord to help you with how to handle the situation and to give you peace when you drop the kids off at grandmas.

(((hugs)))

Linda<><

I sooo hear you about the sneaky and undermining problems.  We had that at ps even though my kids’ teachers were aware of the issues we were facing.  Ugh!  My family tries to be kind about it, and ask me, but are not knowledeable about the altenatives to the Standard American Diet, even though they eat rather healthy compared to some.  Sometimes I feel annoyed and frustrated by the “health food” friends who tell me I should try “this or that..it’s better than what I am doing” …when I tell them what we are doing to change our diets.  It makes me feel like I am not doing enough and am “less” then what they are.  (I know that is my problem, but also know that I can do that to people who have never been to a health food store or farmers market, even unintentionally). 

Just wanted to add that sometimes people get overwhelmed (even when they have volunteered) by the sheer amount of time “in charge” of the children so long…especially if they are not used to kids all the time.  It is worse when there are food and tv restrictions.  Soooo, we have special diets and tv restrictions in our home.  When we need babysitters, we provide the snacks (and we make them “treats” for our kids), the acceptable dvds, and a “schedule” for the sitter (so the kids don’t eat all the treats at once) and provide alternatives to the movies, like games or stories.  This makes it so much easier for my parents (and any other babysitters), who do not eat the restrictive allergy diets that we do, and allows them to feel better about the amount of time, because even my little girls can wear them out. =) Since they love my girls and babysit for me for free, I feel that it is my responsibilty to provide the means for the time to be successful for all of us. 

Britney,

My initial thought on this was an occassional junk food splurge by grandma (which against my wishes happens to my dc but I let it slide cuz it is on rare occassion and I don’t want to make my mom or MIL feel like idiots for not knowing how to feed children).  And it is so not worth a “you can never keep my kids again cuz you feed them junk food”…….think of all the grandmas around the world who would never babysit again!

For most of us, our parents were raising us when HFCS was put into foods, thus junk foods got cheaper, as well as TV dinners, microwave dinners, packaged processed foods, etc…..This was also the generation where more women worked outside the home and started serving their kids all the convenience not-so-good for you foods not being educated that this would later cause illness.  I think most grandparents of school aged kids and younger are oblivious to the dangers of a long term standard American diet (aka as SAD).  And this generation of parents is becoming more health conscious now that we see how this diet has led to so many illnesses.  In that regards, I would educate your MIL of what you know about dangers of artificial dyes, HFCS or sugar, processed foods, preservatives, etc…But if your kids don’t have to be under her care that often, don’t worry about them having this rare splurge.

BUT, from your second post, it sounds like your MIL resents you in some ways and she isn’t just ignorantly shoving junk food down your kids throats to spoil them and show love for them…….but she is trying to provoke you (by for example you specifically asking they don’t go somewhere to eat and she takes them there to spite you).  You are their mother, and I think a gentle confrontation that she has to respect your wishes to have the priviledge of spending time with your kids is in order (in exchange for possibly allowing her to spoil them with food/toys to a smaller degree at your comfort level)……..even though she may think you are strict and might want to sneak them some goodies,  she can’t deliberately do the OPPOSITE of what you have asked out of bitterness toward you and she CAN’T show disrespect for your “so called stricter” rules in front of your children (such as rolling her eyes at your child when your child stating one of your food rules)………this is TERRIBLE………….This is the issue I believe needs addressed vs. the fact that your kids got given junk food.

I love my MIL, even though she and my mom think I’m strict with my kid’s diet and don’t honor it when they’re under their care occassionally (although they would unhappily respect my wishes if I have specifically asked them not to feed my kids junk, which I would do if they were under their care often).  Once I had an issue with my MIL that could have turned out with bitterness on both sides, but I asked my dh to confront her gently, and it turned out ok (some friction b/n us for a while, but it worked out).  In your bigger situation, perhaps your dh could sit down with your MIL and find out why your MIL does not respect you.  It seems like dh should have a talk with his mother and make it clear that you are to respected by her in front of your children especially.  (the disrespect vs. the junk food seems to me a reasonable reason for you to have come to the conclusion you want her to never again take care of them).  Also dh, if he agreed to it, could explain that you should be respected by her in regards that your dh chose you as his wife, and your MIL needs to grow up and accept it.  It doesn’t mean she has to be your best friend or like your ways……..but you should never feel belittled by her in your children’s or your dh’s eyes.  I  pray the Lord works in her heart and receives healing for whatever reason she is acting this way towards you.

Just my more than 2cents worth in my very NON-expert opinion,

blessings, Kim

If I felt the need to say something to mil I would definitely ask dh to be the one doing the talking.

Britney, I’m glad things turned out okay. Hope your little guy is feeling better.

Hugs and blessings,

Linda<><