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Venting about Grandparents feeding the kids junk!
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Just a vent….how annoying is it when your kids’ grandparents wait til you’re gone and then let your kids have junk food? My husband had a very important neurosurgery appointment today that I needed to attend. Since these visits tend to be 3 or 4 hours long my mil offered to babysit. She has maybe babysat twice in their whole lives and always at my house. This time however her house was on the way to the doctor so she wanted to watch them there. She is fully aware that at our home we do not let the kids eat cakes, cookies, koolaid, etc. Even when we visit she knows that they can only have certain things. Well, I picked them up today and they informed me that she gave them koolaid bursts, chocolate, ice cream and more! I am so annoyed. This just cemented why we don’t allow her to babysit. Never again. And it is not a situation of her not being informed because she is fully informed that we don’t do artificial colors, etc. It’s just that she just wants to give them all kinds of “stuff” so they’ll like her.-She always buys the expensive, noise making toys at Christmas which we’ve asked them not to do- How have you handled this? Do you just limit time spent there? Sorry to rant but I am soooo annoyed!
Ahhhh, yes, I understand. When my MIL used to watch my son (when I was there, mind you, helping FIL with some work in the room adjacent to their living room) she would give my son a huge bowl full of goldfish, a juice, and turn the TV on to whatever channel he wanted. Then she would proceed to fill his bowl and cup every five minutes while he sat and stuffed his face in front of the TV. It used to really, really bug me.
It took me a few years (and three more children) to understand that this is how she is expressing her love for my children. When she buys my son the huge Bat Cave that I absolutely loathe, she buys it because she knows he will love it. When she asks them to sleep over and lets them eat nothing but pizza and junk, it’s because she wants them to be happy and have a fun time.
I’ve finally let go. My kids don’t see them every week and they only sleep over once or twice a year, yet they have many fond memories that they’ve made with their grandparents. I wouldn’t want to do anything to take those memories away from them.
oh Britney I am so sorry! I too would be very upset! My MIL is great about eating good foods and she encourages the kids to do the same. However, she does let them eat a good bit of chocolate when they visit! We try to feed them the same as you! Although, we do give them chocolate chips..they don’t eat candy. And on occasion some ice cream. They stayed last wk for 3 days..the first time ever..and all I heard was how they ate IC everyday and chocolate. Now mind you, my MIL is a health nut! I just had to let it go! They so enjoyed staying there. However, I could not tolerate the dyes, artificial colors and such! And she agrees w/ that!
I cannot imagine how you must feel. People who do not believe that it will harm you to eat that way, really get upset and can be defensive about it. When the kids were real little, the church nursery knew not to give the boys junk. They thought I was weird!!! But we have instilled in the kids to know junk when they see it. Usually, they will say to relatives and such, that so and so is bad for you! And I embarassed to say that when around some friends of ours who do eat some of the stuff, my oldest will pipe up and tell them not to eat that, or that is so bad eating dye!! I try to help him not to say those types of things..it is their choice..and we don’t need to make them feel bad.
Maybe you can encourage your kids to say no. Get a book about junk food..tell them what dyes do to their bodies etc.. Then maybe they can stand up for themselves..in a nice way…to say no thanks!!!
I am sure you are upset when you told her not to feed that to your kids and she did! I don’t have much advice!! Except, have you really sat down and talked to her, explaining how you feel? Not just, we don’t eat junk. But, I have researched these things and I have found out that blank is bad for us. I really want to raise the kids eating healthy now because in the long run it will affect them to eat junk. And then maybe, if you don’t mind, giving her a couple of so called junk food that she can give them as a treat. Like a Herhey’s kiss or 5 organic chocolate chips. Take them w/ you. And then give her a menu of what snacks the kids can have. And if need be take the snacks.
Also, when my mom was alive she couldn’t understand why I didn’t fed my son such and such. Or watch such and such. She thought it was good enough for me why not!!?? If a person has not learned about things, it is just what they do. I am sure she is not doing it out of spite. She just sees nothing wrong w/ it. And maybe you will have to explain it to her in a kind and gentle way!
Blessings
I agree with Jawgee, although it can be frustrating to feel like someone is undermining your wishes with regard to your children, your MIL’s intentions may really be to show the kids a fun time. I would step back and assume for a minute that maybe she genuinely doesn’t get the food issues (I think our generation is much more aware of whole foods then our parent’s; a generalzation I know).
Obviously you know your situation better then me but in generel is your concern only the food? If so, maybe the benefits of them getting to spend time with her and you keeping a good and open relationship with her is more important then an afternoon of junk food.
I know there may be more to it then what you mentioned in your comment so I understand you and your husband will need to weigh out the best decision for your children. But it seems possible children having a relationship with their grandmother is worth some flex.
I agree with jawgee. My in-laws are relatively respectful of what we allow in terms of tv, video games, etc, but do tend to go more over board on the treats. My mil tends to have candy dishes all over the house and gets a kick out of the way my oldest finds them. I try to seek them out and put away as many as I can before he gets to far. However, they live three and a half hours away, so we are not there that often. Once in a blue moon won’t kill them. I know that she loves them and isn’t trying to undermine me, showing her love in her way. I’d far prefer they eat a handful of cookies or a couple of ice cream bars than watch inappropriate tv. The funny thing is that during their last visit to the grandparents our 7 year old got “hooked’ on the game show Lingo. I’ll take that over spongebob any day! (we don’t get the game show network, so he’ll have to wait for our next visit to get his “fix”.)
My Brother-in-law, however, took our older son to the city with him and bought him french fries, not one but two ice creams at DQ, a shake and a bunch of other junk. I don’t know how he wasn’t sick to his stomache that night.
I have not read anything but the thread title, but I think I should say that as I was reading the title my mom, who is visiting, handed me 2 bags of M&M’s for my kids. LOL
Part of being a grandparent is doing things special for their grandchildren, I agree with the majority here – and I would grit my teeth and let it go. Grandparents are so special and the benefits of a good relationship with them far outweighs the odd treats-eat healthy at home and accept the fact that they are not deliberately trying to harm your kids when they give them treats that you don’t alow, they are a different generation and they are showing their love in their way. I don’t have grandparents or parents anymore – I miss them more than you could possibly imagine – I am glad I allowed them their pleasures with my children when they were little, they made great memories together and no harm was done to my children even though they ate things that we normally didn’t. Blessings, Linda :)))
Even though I stated that I have to let it go when at gmas. It is hard when they come home and think they can eat like that all the time. Although, when I gently remind them of what we eat they understand! Do any of you have problems w/ letting it go w/ someone else feeding them and then your kids think it is ok because Grandma let them or Uncle Joe let them….etc.. What I am saying is do they get confused? Why there and not at home?
And totally agree w/ all, like I stated before, most grandparents really don’t know about food. And they are not doing it out of spite.
Yep, same thing here. At my MIL’s its corndogs and chips and ice cream and pop. And TV. sigh. BUT she’s 84 years old – I came to the conclusion its more important they have the relationship. And we only live a couple of blocks away, so they do go over there about once a month. sigh. Corndogs.
When mine came home and wanted the same things, we would just explain that at grandmas they had different things, because grandparents like to spoil their grands a little bit, but we cannot eat that way all the time because if we did we would get sick, so now and then is ok, but not all the time – they accepted that. However I should stress we did allow limited chocolate and ice cream – it was just that the grandparents did not limit it at all. As long as children and adults eat healthily most of the time – treats at grandmas will not harm them. I actually don’t forbid things, because I don’t want someone to be drawn to forbidden fruit so to speak – if something is never allowed, there is a chance that when they are older and more independent they will find those forbidden things and go overboard on them. I am all for limits and moderation in regard to food and good solid guidance and nutrition training. Linda
Botanical Becky- I started laughing so hard when I read “sigh. Corndogs.” Seriously…gross. Lol
I wonder what we’ll feed our grandkids that will make our children shudder?
Linda, excellent post! That is how we handled things as well concerning “grandma treats”. But we also do “fun food” in moderation and I gotta say
I like corndogs. My Grandma just passed away last week. She was 89, and we both shared a love for chocolate covered cherries. I agree with the posts here that once in awhile it won’t hurt them. I am curious how old are you children? Are they old enough to say I’m not suppose to eat that? If my 13 year old goes to grandma’s and eats things we don’t eat at home I would be upset, disappointed. I feel like she should respect what we want in our home even though we are not there and she isn’t at home. Just my opinion.
Our girls are 8, 6, and 4 and so they cannot resist when the inlaws want to take them to McDonald’s (that place gives me the shudder more so than a corndog!
) or give them candy. We just let it go. It’s just for a couple days out of the year since they both live out of state. Thanks goodness my mother and stepmom always ask if it’s okay if they have such and such and they both try to eat healthy themselves.I agree, when it comes to tv and music, I WOULD have a fit if they exposed them to terrible things, but with junk food, I can let it slide.
I did tell one of their grandma’s during one visit that they just had a ton of candy this week (from our church!) so they aren’t to eat more than ONE dessert tonight with her. Well, she gave them Twizzlers at the park and said “Your dad used to eat this all the time.” THEN she allowed them to have a piece of store bought cake that night. I told my dh I wasn’t happy she went against my wishes when I was clear about it. :SIGH: I had to let it go. When it comes to morals, that I won’t stand by and watch.
Tara
I guess I should clarify that we do allow sweets in moderation. We do buy organic cookies or real fruit twists. I make chocolate chip and PB cookies. We buy ice cream sometimes. We also eat out occasionally. We just stay away from boxed, processed, fake food. KWIM? It’s not so much the fact that they had the treats but that she goes behind my back and does this. She has a history of doing things like this too. My kids are 8 and 4. My 8 year old told her that I would have a problem with the koolaid but she gave it to my 4 year old anyway. My daughter refused to drink it but of course my little boy downed it, lol. I have had a specific conversation with her about not allowing my kids to eat McDonald’s. As soon as I left yesterday she asked my kids if they wanted a happy meal. My daughter told her that we do not eat at McDonald’s and she responded with eye rolling and “well where does your mom allow you to eat”. She just doesn’t understand why we have made these choices. She does respect my wishes about what is watched to an extent. Though she makes it very apparent that she thinks we are ridiculous. The thing that makes me upset is that my daughter was put into an awkward position because she knew it was wrong but did not want to hurt her mimi’s feelings. A treat or two while we are there is one thing but here is the list that my 4 year old alone ate while at her house for 3 and 1/2 hours: ice cream, rice krispie treats, vanilla wafers, chocolate granola bar, koolaid, KFC kids meal, french fries. I mean seriously?
I like corndogs. My Grandma just passed away last week. She was 89, and we both shared a love for chocolate covered cherries. 
) or give them candy. We just let it go. It’s just for a couple days out of the year since they both live out of state. Thanks goodness my mother and stepmom always ask if it’s okay if they have such and such and they both try to eat healthy themselves.- The topic ‘Venting about Grandparents feeding the kids junk!’ is closed to new replies.