Tragedy

Okay, I looked up what you suggested and found a website that is not John MacArthur at all but someone else comments!  I’m not sure if they are comments on John MacArthurs book!  What I can tell you is that God pursues us, we don’t pursue him!  If we have desire to follow Christ, it is from him!  We all have rebellion in our past!  All of us!!!  We have all made choices that have grieved the heart of God!  We have reaped the consequences of those choices!  If you desire to be saved, it isn’t about some magical prayer and all the right words!  If the Lord has broken you over your sin and the broken person you are, GOOD!!!  That’s an accurate description of all of us, me included!  God doesn’t save based on what we deserve or on our past!  John MacArthur says on his Grace to You website that ” Scripture encourages us to examine ourselves to determine if we are in the faith (2 Corinthians 13:5). Peter wrote, “Be all the more diligent to make certain about His calling and choosing you” (2 Peter 1:10). It is right to examine our lives and evaluate the fruit we bear, for “each tree is known by its own fruit” (Luke 6:44).”  He also says, “And yet, many in the church today put their faith in—and draw their assurance from—a single moment when they experienced deep conviction or made an emotional decision. Some return to their sinful lifestyles, counting on God’s grace to cover their rebellious indulgences. Others try to live pious lives, but their behavior is more legalism than legitimate righteousness—in fact, it’s of no more value than the hypocrisy of the Pharisees.”  So, my thoughts are, if you know you have lived as if you were a true follower of Christ, when indeed you were not and you desire to follow him now!  You can be saved!  If you realize this, then your heart is not hard and rebellious but you in fact see your need for Christ like never before!  It is God who regenerates us!  Now, I only quoted John MacArthur because you mentioned his book, but please the whole word of God and get solid on this!  If you do indeed follow Christ, a changed life will be the evidence to you and others!  I would fast and pray and read the word!  And seek biblical counsel!  Do you have a good church home that has solid biblical teaching?  I can see you are agonizing over this, but I want you to know it is not hopeless!

…because then I would know that I was saved before I got married like I had thought.

Why is knowing something from long ago, or your perception of knowing, matter to you? It’s been 11 years minimum and you have admitted to having a G-dly husband and father to your children CURRENTLY. This, now, and the future is what matters.

Romans 8:28 says that “All things (not just the right and good, but all) work together for good, for those who love Him and are called according to his purpose”. This is presented to us in the present sense, not past. So, whether you were saved then really is not the question you should be hanging, or jeopardizing your present and/or future, and the futures of your family,  on.

Secondly, you haven’t responded to anyone’s calls, questions, and concerns about your getting legitimate counsel; whether you have a legitimate, healthy spiritual authority, in addition to your husband, on seeking professional therapy, and the concern for your children during this time. Because they ARE watching and hearing you, setting down perceptions of G-d, and worried about the sadness if their mommy; and I’m sure your husband is very concerned about you and them.

You haven’t given any indication, from what I have read, that you think you need help outside of what you’ve found on google and your own subjectivity (which includes perception of the “Holy Spirit”, which is altered by modern humans into a feeling only based experience), both of which are dangerous.

I’m sure you are familiar with the apostle Paul. Before his conversion, he was murdering Jews! The Lord still saved him! Even after his conversion, there is a Scripture (don’t have the reference right now) where Paul calls himself chief of sinners. He says that what he doesn’t want to do, he does, and what he should do, he doesn’t do. So, he is still battling the old nature. We are talking about the apostle Paul! A murderer, who turned out to be one of the greatest witnesses for Jesus Christ! But, he still battled with the flesh. He was not perfect. Your past is past. There are things in my past that I terribly regret, and Satan still tries to rob me of my joy, and assurance. But, I could do NOTHING to save myself. I have to just believe I am saved because I have trusted in the finished work of Calvary. Then a changed life will follow. Forget about the past. Like a PP said, it is not because of a feeling. You have acknowledged your sin. Give your life to Christ and begin a new life as His child. And, that does not mean apart from your family. You have made a commitment before God and your husband ‘until death you do part’.

I will share this, and then I will not say anything else. When I was in high school, I really had the desire to be a missionary in some foreign country. I cannot say whether that was Holy Spirit speaking to me, or if it was just something I wanted to do, because I was living in the flesh much of my teen years. I went to a Christian college for one year, but all I cared about was finding a husband. I ended up coming home and finding one. Needless to say, I never did become a foreign missionary. If that is truly what God wanted for my life, I missed out. But, am I not saved because I didn’t follow that leading? No! God is a forgiving God. His Word says MANY times over, His mercies are new every morning! He’s forgiven me for going my own way. Should I go to the foreign mission field now? No! Why? Because it is not where my husband believes to be called. To be obedient to God’s Word, I need to submit to my husband. God sometimes puts us on a different path because of decisions we make. But, He can still use us where we are.

God’s will for you now is to obey His Word by being the wife and mother He desires for EACH of us to be. Someone else mentioned the verse about ‘forgetting those things that are behind’. You can’t go back and change anything. What matters now is that you settle your salvation, and move forward in your God-given responsibilities where you are now, with a husband and children that are God’s blessings to you. There should be no question about where you belong.

@Missusleata: you said

“be healthy for your children.” I don’t think you need that pressure right now. You need peace from God, not pressure to perform.

I think perhaps you misunderstood,and took out of context, the comments on being healthy for the children.

It wasn’t about performing, but about motivation to get help for herself AND the children; about trying help her ‘get out of herself’ and try to consider the effects on her children.

This is the opposite of performing. But has everything to do with becoming a healthy thinking and feeling individual by getting help from an outside source so that she can be healthy for her children, who are dependents.

It would irresponsible not to bring up the potential and real effects this is having on her family, not for guilt, but to be realistic to the consequences; so as a result, get help.

Frankly, I still haven’t heard from our tortured friend the recognition of this reality of how this is affecting her family, too; which leads to taking the steps to seeking outside help.

She is still very subjective and inward- focused (which is, from my experience, indicative of her depression), which necessitates professional help.

I share this with reservation, because I know that many people on this board are Protestant.  I feel called to share with you, though, because I can feel how much your heart is aching.

This is the Year of Mercy, as instituted by Pope Francis.  The Catholic Church is waiting to welcome people with open arms:  the downtrodden, the disenfranchised, anyone who is hurting spiritually or materially.

I would highly encourage you to make an appointment with a Catholic priest.  In my case, as a Catholic, I would go for confession.  However, most priests are a wealth of knowledge when it comes to matters of faith and salvation.  They are open, merciful, and knowledgeable men of God.  There have been many times in my own life that I have consulted with a priest when it comes to matters of faith, personal tragedy and fear, and spiritual growth.

I am particularly thankful for a priest who, ten years ago, when I was in despair, prayed over me, anointed me and counseled me.  It was truly life-changing.

Now, of course, all priests have different personalities, different gifts, different temperaments.  That said, God has always lead me to the one who could best help me at any particular time – from the priest who helped to initiate my conversion to the church 25 years ago, to the current priest at our parish who has become a mentor and father-figure to me.

Please accept this from someone who genuinely feels your pain.  You are not alone.  Your salvation is not lost.  You are on a painful path, but God is walking beside you, as am I (in prayer).

@jawgee: I am not Catholic, and am not a Calvinist Protestant, either; my best friend is a devout Catholic, and I see value in many Catholic teachings

I think your advice is very worthwhile

My question is (and forgive my ignorance): since she’s likely not Catholic, and can’t receive Mass anyway, will a priest allow her Confession if she wanted it? Or, instead, would he be available for counsel? TY

Thank you for saying that.  I don’t want to cause any theological disagreements or hurt feelings.  I share because of the peace and joy I have experienced as a Catholic.

A priest would definitely be available for counseling.  I would not be surprised if he encouraged her to spend time in Eucharistic adoration (a prayer chapel.  Our church has one that is staffed 24/7).

In terms of Catholic sacraments (confession, Holy Communion, etc.), you are right, those are reserved for members of the Catholic church.  She could, though, attend mass, if she felt so-called.