Teens & Computer Usage

When our kids were younger we placed time limits on certain activities, like games. Over time they all learned to become self-regulating and balance their responsibilities. It’s expected that school work and household duties get done and there is time made for physical activity too. We trust them to manage their own time because they have proven the ability to do so. We would obviously step in and make adjustments if there were problems, though.

I think we sometimes make the mistake of thinking of computers like televisions because people stare at the screen. Sure, computers can be used for mindless activities but there are so many pursuits that are more interactive and useful.

Compare this with other activities. If we have a child into gardening, sewing, woodworking, or auto mechanics we don’t often limit the time spent on those pursuits unless they get out of hand. Maybe it’s easier to see things like that as useful because the need for those skills has been around longer. If you’re not technically minded yourself it might be more difficult to see the value of technology tools and pursuits.

You can also compare it to how we all ramp up for big projects and do what it takes to get them done. For example, some of us have large gardens where we bring in a big harvest and spend all day canning. We would never say “I’m sorry, your hour of canning time is over so you’ll have to stop and do some more tomorrow.” Or how about “Your lawn mowing time is up so you’ll have to come in now.”  We see those as necessary life skills. Some technology skills can be that way too.

At our house, we pretty much encourage activities that build critical thinking, have home or career use, or can be used to bless others. Sometimes those pursuits require many hours in front of a computer. We don’t have a problem with as long as it doesn’t create problems with attitudes or isolation, etc.

I’ve also encouraged our kids to work on their own business ideas or volunteer to help others. I meet with them regularly to give guidance in those areas. Many of their pursuits make use of the technical skills they’ve learned in some way.

Every child and family is different so our specific choices might be different from those that work for you. But I think most of us want to teach our children to be self-educating, self-regulating, pleasant and responsible adults with the life skills to run their own households and who can contribute to society and bless others. So I’d say to keep that in mind as you make choices and help your children learn to find a good balance.

Heather- My almost 12 yo ds is interested in all those things (except blogging) that your 15 yo is.

He is so advanced in his computer use (he taught himself Apple Script programming) that it goes beyond my helping him. What other programming has your son done? We also have a PC, so any type of computer language would be great.

Can you send some links? He really wants to do computer animation. 

My dh found Cheetah (an animation program) for the Mac, which is about $100. We would be happy to invest the money in a good program for him. But my son (he has Asperger’s/ADHD) gets overwhelmed when he has to take the time to learn something that may take some time. It’s frustrating to us all because we know he is capable of learning it, but that it will just take patience, which he does not have. 

Nanci

Doug, I love your analogy with gardening and canning!  Your whole response is very well said.  Personally, while I don’t really understand about canning and see no problem with cutting it short (in fact I’m sure I’d want to!) I could never understand why someone would want to limit a child’s time with technology.  You’ve made me look at it from a different perspective!

I’ve been a techie from way back and our son seems to be following in my footsteps.    I do limit his time on the computer if he’s gaming, but if he’s using it to learn chess strategies or for research/creativity/tech endeavours I let him go!  In this day and age I think it’s very important for kids to at least feel comfortable with computers – and equally important to learn how to discipline themselves with time management in that area.  It seems that every week or so we have a little refresher talk about how much time the computer can steal from us if we let it and how it can affect our mood and attitude “in real life.”  The nice thing is that I’m starting to see the talks pay off, and if he does hit a little bump in the road he understand immediately when I call him on it. 

I just remembered how I would go on sewing jags when I was a teenager.  I’d start on a Saturday morning and keep on going until I had finished whatever it was I was making.  Sometimes I’d go the whole weekend.  My mother never stopped me, although she would remind me to eat something now and then.  I wonder now if there had been home computers way back then if I would have been allowed to use them all weekend like that because I know I would have wanted to!

All that to say you might not want to look at the situation as the computer consuming your son’s time, but rather your son pouring himself into something he’s passionate about.  If he were spending that much time doing something off of the computer would you be as concerned?  You might want to look at the situation as your son exploring career options.

Also, if he is gifted then there are seperate issues that can be in play with your son.  He might seem hyper-focused in areas of interest and for gifted individuals that’s normal.  When our son was 2 1/2 I realized that he could already read so we started doing pre-school.  When the prescribed 15 minutes of school time was up he just said, “More!”  He would sit and learn for hours on end – until I couldn’t go any longer!  Of course if we tried to get him to do something he wasn’t interested in, well, that usually didn’t last too long.  Gifteds are wired differently and can be very interesting to raise!    Over the years it’s been important for me to understand his needs in these types of circumstances and to help him find a balance with them.  It can be quite the challenge!

Linda