Teen Boy Woes Part 2

I’ve already dealt with a dd who was stealing and hacking. She was untrustworthy. She had no remorse. It ended up leading to violence in the home and it is possible he will be violent in yours. It’s hard to accept that possibility,  but you must to be clear-headed and deal straight. My opinion is you can’t school him if this doesn’t change this school year. Be ready to send him to a Christian Therapeutic Boarding School or Christian Boarding school which can handle young men like him.

My suggestion is to get him to a Christian therapist, now: one who deals with gaming addiction and AntiSocial behavior. For the remainder of thisvyear, I would remove the games, the computer, all the time except when he has earned it via performing well on academics, respectful behavior,  and no theft. Also, make him more accountable to your husband than you. If he doesn’t have one, give him a strict schedule. Tell him you are considering sending him to a boarding school for males(start saving now) if his behavior doesn’t improve. There are consequences. It’s affecting his sibling…you can’t allow that.

I have a list of boarding schools I can send you. Also, you can find Christian psychologists and therapists online. His therapist doesn’t have to be a Christian therapist to be successful in treating him, however.

Be prepared to let go of your dreams of what you had had in mind and heart regarding homeschooling him in order to save him and also your family, because he is destroying the peace, causing contention, and stress.

As for only narration, no. Oral narration isn’t enough. There may be a hidden learning disability regarding tests, so set up a complete psychological evaluation. Or is it because he’s not studying?

My heart aches for you because I I know how you feel. My dd is in a residential treatment facility now. She has multiple diagnoses. I had to decide that she isn’t welcome back home. My dreams were killed. I’m sending her to a Christian therapeutic boarding school for girls. She will thrive there, learn, hopefully get better enough not to destroy her life as an adult, and our home is contention-free; my son can focus on his own studies now, his migraines have lessened. Her behavior contibuted to my health deteriorating, too. My dd must live in a highly structured, frequently therapeutic environment.

Getting him to a good therapist now may prevent you from needing to send him to boarding school.

What gaming platform is he using with stolen money/games?

Depending on the platform,  these particular games can be deleted. He should not be allowed to play ANY games which have been procured with stolen funds.

My heart aches for you. My older son has ADHD and Aspergers so I have experienced a little of this type of behavior. As Rachel metioned, a full neuropsychological evaluation could be very helpful to fully explore what might be going on. ADHD, Autism Spectrum, Bipolar, learning disabilities, etc., can cause behaviors like your son’s. I wouldn’t try to take away video games and provoke more anger and confrontations until he’s been professionally evaluated. Sometimes medications can really help. God Bless.

If you choose not remove the games completely or in your contract, allow a game, I would at least remove/disallow the games he purchased with stolen funds. Those are the consequences. He’s not entitled to them; they don’t belong to him. He made a free will choice to steal.

I understand what you’re saying about his outward signs of faith, but my dd had those,  too. He’s not bearing the fruit, however, as you have plainly stated.

Brookledge mentioned some possibilities of conditions contributing to his issues and meds can be a lifesaver.  God gave human beings the creativity out of Himself, and with the minds to improve our fallen condition, both spiritually and medically to make right choices.

But he needs the evaluations necessary to probe deeply to see if there’s something specific going on in his mind and therapy (CBT) to help him learn to manage his anger, thought processes, moods, and likely addiction.

My son has struggled with depression as a result of his dad’s and sister’s mental illness-based behaviors. His depression affected his relationship with God. Having a therapist and being on low-dosage antidepressants helps him be more focused and over-all more able to function; including giving the stability to allow his faith to be strengthened. His goal is to get off the meds after sufficient therapy and hard work he puts into managing his thought-life, the root of feelings and actions.

So, if your son needs meds., they may be temporary or permanent; therapy may be temporary or permanent, too. But, the best time to help him is now. I know you don’t want him to go into the adult world undiagnosed if he should be, and without the tools for self-management.

I hope things improve for him and your family.  ☺