Taming the TV & computer

Can we revisit this post and get updates?  How are you taming the screen time in your house with middle school and older children? 

I’m feeling really conflicted about screen time in our house right now and I really don’t know how best to handle it for us.  I’m feeling a creative lull. 

I do not like “time cards” “timers” “little nit picky rules” (and not because they don’t work, I’m sure they do for a lot of folks and I applaud that) because for us they lead to conflict.  I really dislike a day or a week filled with confrontations about who used what time, can they trade times, swap this for that, etc. etc.  It becomes a beast in and of itself. 

That said, nothing is going to leave our house.  It’s here to stay.  We all love technology.  I just don’t want it to own us.  We have every kind of device apple makes in this house and a few they don’t!  But I wasn’t raised with them or much past what the rabbit ears picked up on the tv, so I am very able to turn it all off for any period of time and just “be” or do something else.  That seems more difficult for the kids.

I am becoming more and more aware, that electronics and screen time are a useful (easy) tools for protecting children in environments where being completely free and loose is not an option.  Safe parks are not within walking distance.  Neighborhoods have unsafe traffic patterns.  And in our case our yard, although big, is  a green blank canvas.  I disagree with this in principle but in practice I’ve done just that since we moved here. 

The children watch more movies now.  They play more phone and computer games.  They “look up” more toys and such on the computers.  Our computers are well protected and limited.  It’s not content that is an issue.  It’s time.  It’s the lack of doing other things that is bothering me so much.  And the asking “Can I go on …?”  that is driving me a little nuts. 

I would say that they each spend 2-3 hours a day in some form of movie, game or screen time.  A movie once or twice a week as a family is fine with me.  I like movie nights together. I’m not including those in these numbers.  I feel sick even typing those high numbers!  What have I done?!  I’ve created a “yes” screen time monster!

So, my question is this:  What creative, practical way can I lay out a sweeping new rule for screen time?  One rule.  I don’t want to be counting minutes and keeping track of things.  I suppose that leaves me saying something like – no tv, movies or screen games Monday through Friday afternoon unless done as a family?  (So NOVA or another PBS special could happen, a special movie night in the middle of the week could happen as reward or something) … 

Tristan has a great point about the husbands.  Mine was raised in front of a screen.  He relaxes with the screens – tv sports or computer time.  Although I think he’d be very open to curbing his screen time in front of the kids or while they were awake.  His hours are a little different than theirs.

I’m totally thinking out loud here.  I hope it reads that way.  I have, in no way, figured this out yet.  I just needed to say it out loud to mothers who’d understand! 

My kids are younger, but we have a basic rule of up to 1 hour each day on screens.  All chores, school assignments, and instrument practicing must be completed, and they must have spent some time outside before they are allowed screen time.  Then, screen time is done when ‘before supper jobs’ begin.  If they haven’t completed the above list early enough in the day, then they get less than an hour by the time I call them to help get ready for supper.  After supper is time to spend with Dad, not on screens.

I don’t know if that fits your “not counting minutes and not keeping track of things”, but it is working for us.  If someone asks if they can go on the computer, I simply ask “Are you done everything?”  If so, I quickly check their responsibilities (which are posted so both they and I know what is expected) to make sure they are done, and then they can go play.  Since they rarely finish everything with an hour left before supper prep, I don’t really have to time them.

This doesn’t include family screen time, which happens once a week or less.  We watch “Amazing Race” and “Amazing Race Canada” together, when they are running.  Or we sometimes watch a movie together.

This also doesn’t include use of the computer for school.  My kids use Khan Academy, Seterra, keep blogs where they write stories, type their written narrations, and a couple other educational sites.  We use these mostly as time-fillers when I’m busy with one child and someone else is waiting for me, and they know they will have to stop right away when I’m ready to work with them.

That may not be the exact solution you are looking for, but I know that I always benefit from seeing how other families have things set up.

Joanne

For weekdays, we have a simple “screen time at 5:30” rule.  Chores have to be done (and inspected) before they can get on any screens–first kid done gets first choice of device (iPad, laptop, or Wii).  They get screentime til dinner, which is generally 6:15 or 6:30, and a meal when you’re hungry is a nice, natural time to stop without me having to track minutes 🙂  Our hard-and-fast rule has eliminated the constant “Can I get on…” requests that used to drive us nuts.  It also makes for a neat house when Dad arrives home, which he appreciates!

After dinner, we don’t have a specific rule.  Generally, we’re ok with watching/playing something as long as it’s a family thing, not just one person isolating themselves in front of a screen.  And one evening a week, we have a “family night” which often ends with a family movie.  We occasionally use apps or videos during homeschooling, I count that entirely separately.  As for weekends… we’re still working on that.

I am not one of those people who thinks screens are evil… play is all about kids learning how to do grown-up stuff on their level, after all… and playing on screens helps kids learn how to manipulate the technology they are going to be using or innovating as adults.

I was very anti-screen time for a long, long time. I thought that allowing my children to play computer games, watch shows, or be on the iPhone or iPad meant that I was depriving them of the richness of an unplugged childhood. So I went through years and years of being asked and years and years of saying no. I don’t think I deprived my children in any way, as we would still allow a documentary every once in a while or do a family movie night once per week. What I believe I lacked, however, was balance.

Screen time isn’t evil and it doesn’t have to deprive children of a wonderful childhood experience. Visions of children running freely through flowered meadows are lovely and idyllic, but pretty unrealistic, considering the age we live in. Over the past couple of years, I have come to actually appreciate and (gasp!) encourage productive screen time.

For example, we own a Wii, but it hasn’t been hooked up in over 2 years. I keep asking my dh if we can just get rid of it, and he keeps saying no. So we’ve held onto it and not used it. A couple of weeks ago, my children played the game Just Dance at a friend’s house on their Wii and loved it. They know we still own a Wii, but they didn’t ask if we would hook it up because we don’t own the Just Dance game. So they got on YouTube on the Apple TV and found a ton of Just Dance videos. They can do all the dance moves of the game, but there is no score-keeping; it’s just fun dancing. They’ve been doing dances daily for over two weeks and loving it!

Are they in front of a screen? Yes. 

Are they engaged in physical activity? Yes. 

Are they having fun together? Yes.

Are they learning new skills? Yes.

So, although this is “screen time”, it’s far, far different from the image most of us have in our minds of children mindlessly drooling over hours of twaddly television or pointless video games. This experience even has me rethinking our own Wii. I actually want to buy the game, hook it up, and play it as a family.

Another example is the Lego website. My children absolutely love this site. At first, I thought it was pointless, but after watching them play a few games and design a few Lego guys, I realized that it is really encouraging their creativity and critical thinking skills. Again, it’s all about balance!

Saying no constantly is only, in my opinion, going to push that desire in them to want it more. So maybe find ways to say yes that you can all be excited about. 

I’ve told this story many times before, but I’ll share it again to illustrate my point:

My husband is very technically savvy. He has been in the IT field as a career for over 5 years now, and he is completely self-taught. He has been a full-time pastor in the past, and his schooling was for ministry; but he keeps coming back to IT as his chosen career. He can program, build computers, troubleshoot, network, and do all sorts of things I don’t even know how to explain. Suffice it to say that he has yet to encounter a computer issue on a Mac or PC that he hasn’t been able to fix. His skills began at a very young age with his family’s VCR. His mother saw that he possessed a mind that wanted to know why things worked the way they did. So at four years old, with a screwdriver, she allowed him to take apart the family VCR and put it back together again–simply because he wanted to see the inside of it to figure out how it worked. That was the catalyst for his future career! He was fascinated by the family’s first computer and when it quit, he was allowed to keep it and take it apart. Over the years, he rebuilt it and got it working again by finding spare motherboards and hard drives and other parts out of dumpsters and computers that people were throwing away. As he got older, he began tinkering with web design, graphic design, and taught himself a few computer languages (PHP, Java Script, and others) and learned to write code. 

I say all that to ask: What if his mother had said no to his screen time? What if she had viewed it as an evil waste of time and had made him run in flowery meadows instead? But she didn’t. She capitalized on an innate curiosity that he had and encouraged him in it. And he now supports our family very well.

I think, as homeschoolers, we’ve been made to believe that a screen is an evil, mind-sucking box that should only be allowed on special occasions; and maybe that’s true if all kids are watching is Barney and Veggie Tales. But screen time is about so much more than pointless video games, twaddly shows, and mind-numbing apps on iPhones. Used for a child’s benefit, screen time can teach critical thinking skills and even be a doorway to a passion and/or career for him.

Just another perspective,

Lindsey