Taming the TV & computer

I can’t offer much help, but I can say I totally understand!  Sometimes I want to chuck the tv, phone, computer, etc.  But then again, I use them for a lot of good things too.  My boys are allowed to usually watch one show a day, and Magic School Bus is the flavor of the day right now.  Usually the show is allowed when I need a break or am cooking supper.  Then they start asking, “Is it time for the show yet?” again and again and again and earlier and earlier in the day.  And I’ve recently found some computer games online for practicing math facts that the two older boys will play while I’m putting the baby down for a nap, but fits ensue when I say time is up.  I wouldn’t mind using electronics as a sometimes-resourse, but I can’t figure out what makes them seem like such an addicting source.  I really am baffled why they have such a strong pull.  Of course, I think right now part of the problem is that the weather has been cloudy, cold, and damp for, oh, five months and even though we have gotten outside most of the winter, we are getting sick of the dreary weather and have the cooped-up syndrome. 

As for dad playing games, is it a good bonding thing for him with the older kids?  Or is it something he needs to do to unwind after work?  I know many men who do this as their “unwind” time.  It may be an option for him to have a small tv in the bedroom or someplace where he can go for 20-30 min after work to unwind and play by himself.  I know my husband used to come home and want to unwind with the news or a movie for a bit, and we only had one tv, so our oldest was stopping whatever to watch the glowing box with Daddy.  I didn’t like that he was seeing all those rough news images or movies such as James Bond (oldest is only almost 6) so I brought up a second tv for my husband to watch by himself after work to relax a bit.  He thought about it and ended up deciding against the bedroom tv and instead decided to check the news on the laptop or watches it after the boys are in bed. 

I’m interested to hear how others find balance in the modern gadget world. 

Nicole

I don’t have an answer to the balance.  My dh is a tv/xbox junky, so I tell my dc that we don’t watch tv during the day because I know they will have x amount of it when dad is home.  Most of the programs he watches are kid-friendly or something they enjoy watching together.  Sometimes it is something they aren’t allowed to watch so I play games w/ them or they play Legos in their room. 

I love my computer and all the other electronics I use so I know exactly how they feel to a degree.  I’m just not really interested in tv, but take my pc or phone away, and I would just have a melt-down. 

I guess I do have a balance…I don’t allow tv in the day time (except Wild Kratts in the wee morning hours), so they just know that that is how it is on school days.  When dad does come home and weather permits, he takes them for bike rides, swimming, outdoors for shooting hoops, etc., so I don’t complain about the tv time with dad.  I just don’t like my kids watching much when he’s not home (only on rare occasions do I allow this) because of the time they will w/ him.  If I did allow them, they could potentially watch tv for 4 hours a day, no way!!   A couple of hours every night, or every other night w/ dad I can handle, but not much more than that.

And, we never watch tv during dinner, my rule I set up years ago.

Mine aren’t very old yet (2 and almost 5), and we don’t really allow any screen time at all, unless they’re sick or it’s a special situation.  (e.g. They watched Frosty the Snowman at Christmastime.) I am trying to think about how to slowly start helping my older daughter learn to use the computer as a resource, but I still don’t feel like it’s time yet.

I recommend this book http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Well-Media-Age-Keeping/dp/1932181121/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1360977666&sr=1-1&keywords=parenting+well+in+a+media+age

It’s not so much a “don’t let your kids watch TV book” as a “here is how you can handle all the issues that TV/media/screens bring about.  It’s a great book. 

I find the best way to deal with it, is to get rid of it completely – so that for us would be no movies or tv or games in any form for a month or so.  I would try to structure our time better and with things the kids like, but I usually don’t do enough of – baking with them and letting them do ALL the work – they love that!  Painting.  Blowing bubbles in the tub.  Playing board games – me with them – they would pick that over a movie ANY day.  Even dad might be persuaded to give it up if you have structured things planned and ask him if he’ll help you by fasting from the tv for a short time for the good of his kid’s education and behaviour.

And I would modify the example I’m setting.  I’m on the computer way to much, I’ve got good excuses – school, news, communication for different things, but still… I’m creating the appetite in them because they see it in me.  When you’re struggling with issues like this, it might be best to write down all the things you need to accomplish that day on the computer and then get it done during a quiet time or after they’ve gone to bed at night – so they don’t see you on the computer.

And I’m not Doug, but my girls know better than to turn on a movie for their sister – put in another one – without my permission, because the appropriate consequences remind them it’s not worth catching a few minutes of toddler tv – I would assign them an extra long toddler babysitting time where they are in charge of playing with the toddler for an hour – whatever she wants to do and THEY have to clean up after her and this would be in lieu of outdoor playtime with the neighbors or some other desired time.   Or I would have them do extra school work during one of their free times or have them clean something that they are not generally responsible for cleaning.  

Also – consider how engaged you are with the kids during their schooltime.  If they are able to sneak away to watch tv, is there some way you can be more involved or present where they are to make sure they don’t even have the opportunity.  My kids get most distracted from their schoolwork, when I AM most distracted from not overseeeing their schoolwork because I’m on the computer or putting the clothes in the dryer or loading the dishwasher.  Sometimes (for me it’s more often than not) multi-tasking is NOT helpful or condusive for getting the most out of our schooltime.

Hope you’re able to make some progress, I know how frustrating bad habits can be.  Fortunately, children seem to shed them much easier than us adults.

Two thoughts come to mind. First, without your husband being on board about setting screen time limits for times he is home you’re not going to get anywhere for those times. Sorry, but it’s true. Pray pray pray and then approach him gently seeking his advice on reasonable limits for evenings.

Second thought, especially if he’s not on board with setting evening limits, is to set strict daytime limits. As in, zero screen time before dad is home. At least that is what I would do, to help balance out the large amount of time spent in front of a screen in the evenings.

It’s not easy if spouses aren’t on the same page! We’ve been there before and things have changed a lot in 12 years of marriage. It took a lot of prayer and being patient on my end to let God work on my husband’s heart. Not easy.

I didn’t read the other replies, but I would stop letting the littlest watch any movies during school time.  Then the temptation is gone.  It may be more challenging for a little while but worth it in the end.  Better yet, if you know they will get to watch tv with dad, then NO TV AT ALL when dad is not home.  You can even phrase it that “we’ll save our library dvd for our special time with daddy tonight.”  Then it isn’t no tv at all, so you’ll be able to stick with it, and you aren’t forcing anything on dh.  You are working with everyone to find something that will work for you!

For our family we have 2 nights (key word “nights” we get a Red Box movie)  a week where we watch movies.  Otherwise there is no TV, no computer games (other than school related) and that’s that.  It got to the point where they were zoning out on the TV all the time.  This was not our plan but having them set limits didn’t work either.  I would love to see the TV gone all the way but dh does like to watch a bit of TV and that’s ok with me as we do it once the kids are in bed and it’s in our room.

Agreeing with others that if your dh is not on board all you can do is deal with the daytime TV issues.  Good luck this is a tricky one.