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Service Projects
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OK ladies I need to ask what I’m doing wrong? Or what I can do to make it better might be a nicer way to put it.
We have been doing a simple service project through our church. April and October they do and are responsible for Meals on Wheels. We pick 1 or 2 days and deliver the lunch. It’s simple, close to home, not super time involved, and a good start to having a servants heart (or so I thought).
But yesterday when we were done my oldest (11) says to his brothers who of course tattled that Keegan hates doing this. AHH I was floored they all seem ok when we’re there. So I spoke to him today and he says he hates it and so do the others they just wont tell me. He says it’s a waste of his time! He’s 11 what in the world.
I’m at a loss, of what to do, say or the otherwise. I want to do this, I want them to enjoy it and be encouraged to find other ways to do more for others. But how do I go about this without there hearts into it.
It also made me realize that my children are very selfish with their time, things and talents. My dh also said this after talking last night.
Any suggestions or thoughts would be great. I am so sad in my heart that they are not happy. Misty
Wow, Misty – I know how this feels. I lead a girl scout troop and I find that a lot of the kids – including my own at times – do not get any good feeling from helping others. On the other hand, some of the girls are eager to help others and seem to derive great satisfaction from it. I think these same kids are very sensitive to being praised – or need a lot of praise – so the impulse isn’t selfless. It satisfies their needs to do this service work. I am not saying if this is good or bad – but here it leads to good.
I feel that helping others, providing service, is not only our duty, but part of what makes us whole complete human beings. We need this opportunity. I read once that in Judaism, it is thought that running across a person in need is good fortune, because it allows us the opportunity to do a good deed. I always try to keep this in mind and have an attitude of thankfulness when I can be of service. But I am almost 40 years old – not 11, so that is easy for me to say, now.
In your position, I have thought, the one wrong thing to do is to stop doing the service projects. All other choices are right compared to that. Handling kids during projects is a matter of delicacy and choice. I try to mention, when it seems appropriate, that helping others makes me feel good. I try to point out ways that our work specifically helps specific people. I keep hoping they will have that ah ha moment when they see the difference our work has made, and they are transformed by joy and thankfullness. To have that experience we have to keep exposing them to opportunities.
I can’t remember what it feels like to be eleven – or 10 or 9 like some of my troop. I hope this is in the range of normal and they will grow. But I feel like if I want them to grow in one direction – toward generosity, and its neighbor, gratitude – I need to point them that way. But it is hard – one day at a time!
Good luck – Gem
Misty,
I don’t have any amazing words of wisdom for you, but I can highly recommend that you begin praying for a servant’s heart in each of your children. Unfortunately, according to Prov. 22:15, “foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child…” Because of the curse of sin and death, selfishness seems to come much more naturally to us than service, and children are no different. However, the good news is that your children don’t have to be bound by a curse because Jesus died to set them free! As their parents, you and your husband can take authority over selfishness, rebellion, etc., and teach them a different way, God’s way. It might take some time, but just keep on serving despite their complaints.
Sometimes, before we can do something with a joyful heart, we just have to learn to do that something. Maybe your boys just need to learn to serve and then doing so with a joyful heart attitude will come later, especially as they see that you’re not going to stop just because they don’t like it.
I have even found myself praying against selfishness and praying a servant’s heart over my 4yo. You can’t start too young!
Hope that’s helpful,
Lindsey
I so agree with LindseyD.
I would not stop either. Children need to be *taught* how to be generous/gracious/selfless, etc. I have 3 boys myself and I (and their daddy) have to *teach* them to be kind to one another (everyday), see others’ needs before their own, and so on, I mean they are just children. Some adults are no better off in that department and then you have some kids that are more naturally giving, which I think is sometimes just their personalities.
We do service/volunteer oriented stuff all the time and if/when my kids complain I simply tell them that I want to do it and my expectation of them is to not ruin it for me. I remind them of our greatest Giver who didn’t have to give but wanted to and how are we exempt from giving when we call ourselves followers of Him? And then I drop the subject and go about my business. No lectures. They gain much more when I don’t *say* anything and just *do* what I want/need/feel I should do and let the Spirit work on all of us, which can be challenging, but it’s got to be done. I’ve had to lay off my husband as well and just allow the Spirit to work on him and as of today he is a much more giving man (without expecting anything in return, which is how he was raised).
I believe this is a very important part of being a parent and leading our kids into adulthood. I really pray for my kids in this area because to me it’s prideful and dangerous to not have a giving heart. I would rather see all my boys be *givers* rather than *takers* any day of the week and that can only come from me *showing* them how to give and praying for them, then it’s up the Spirit and their willingness.
One thing I do ask them to do and they are usually very eager is write Thank You’s, *Hello* letters, send postcards, get well cards, etc. to a variety of people. My oldest (11) began writing to the mom of a friend of mine that had cancer. She appreciated it so much and he really felt good about helping her feel good. They still correspond and have exchanged gifts, cards, etc. regularly. He found out that his efforts/willingness had a profound affect on someone else’s life. He figured out that is truly more blessed to give than to receive. Now he did receive gifts, etc., but that wasn’t his intent in the beginning. I did encourage the letters/cards in the beginning and as his parent I feel that is part of my job, but now I just remind him that she might enjoy a card and he hops right to it and thanks me for the reminder. Yeah! Now if we could just get him to keep his room clean, and to treat his middle brother with more kindness we’d be on our way:)
My boys have wondered, though, why some of their family don’t ever send them cards. They thought everyone did. I tell them that that is something you have to teach/encourage and facilitate. They can’t buy stamps on their own:)
Blessings to you and your family.
Misty-
I would just like to echo everyone else’s sentiments and say “DO NOT GIVE UP!!” 🙂
It can be extremely tiresome to try and nuture this attitude, and I’ve found it extremely so in the pre-teen/teenage boy. Our eldest, who is an extremely sensitive and encouraging child, since he has become a teenager has started to have a sort of apathetic attitude, if you will. I think that you just have to keep on praying and keep on doing what you’re doing. I believe that most of the time that this is a phase and they will grow out of it.
I think in addition to being involved in the service activities that you want to be involved in, it might help if you give your children, especially your eldest, a bit more of a say in what they do to serve. Something that all three of my boys have done and seem to really love is making cards and writing notes to wounded soldiers. We mail them to Landsthul hospital in Germany, which is the first stop for soldiers who have been wounded in the Middle East.
Just some thoughts 🙂
Ooohh. I agree with Meagan on that one, too. Letting them have a choice in the matter is a good one. Let’s face it, I/we don’t always *give* in areas that we don’t feel connected to or feel that we can relate to. I do let my boys choose and then sometimes we must do:)
My oldest is good with his hands so he helps at the church (building) and at the home’s of some of our members to weed the grass, mow, etc. He really enjoys it. My husband takes him along like one of the men. My middle boy loves to draw so he may draw a picture for someone and we’ll mail it (he loves to send and receive mail). My 4yo likes to draw, too, so that’s my focus with him right now.
Blessings to you all.
Thank you ladies for encouraging me to not give up. My dh and I spoke mroe about this last night. We also felt like we need to continue with this (which as I said is only 2 times a year) and find more to do also. Also after talking to my older son he seems to have an issue with helping the elderly. So we are going to work on this in simplier ways.
Thanks again I knew as usually you would be a wealth of information! Misty
I worked in the nursing home field for a long time and found that some people really have a difficult time with the elderly. Even though some kids/people have grandparents and elderly aunts and uncles it is different when they are not relatives (and then sometimes not).
I am not suited for service in all area’s and sometimes I have to remember that my kids have their strengths and weaknesses as well.
Good luck to you.
Misty,
To add to what my3boys said, there are many, many other areas of service besides taking meals to the elderly. To be quite honest, I was not comfortable around elderly people other than my own grandparents until after I was married. I don’t know what it was, but it made me very uncomfortable, especially in a hospital or nursing home environment. Now I am completely at ease around the elderly, but it hasn’t always been this way.
Our family is very musical, and one way that we enjoy serving our community is to sing as a family at a local ministry that serves the homeless. We had the opportunity to sing as a family for their Thanksgiving meal last year, and it was so fun. My kids really enjoyed themselves. After we were finished singing, we passed out candy to all the homeless who attended. My kids were also able to participate in a Christmas play put on by the same ministry.
Another service opportunity could be as simple as having your children pick out a certain number of toys or pairs of shoes or items of clothing to give away or donate. Then, as a family, you could take them to a local shelter, church, or Salvation Army. Along the way, explain to your kids the importance of not storing up for ourselves treasures on earth. Watching a child enjoy a toy that has been long-forgotten by one of your children could be the ticket to them finding joy in giving.
When I was a child, my family always picked an angel off the Salvation Army tree. We had so much fun buying clothes, shoes, and toys for a child we knew we’d never meet! Oftentimes, we would choose a boy and a girl. My mom and I would shop for the girl, and my dad and brothers would shop for the boy. It was almost like a competition to see who could find the best gifts! Another thing my family did around Thanksgiving and Christmas was to serve holiday meals at a local shelter.
You could even find a less fortunate family in your church and surprise them with a bag of groceries.
I say all that to emphasize that your boys just may not be cut out for service to the elderly just yet. I know I wasn’t at their ages. I was well into adulthood before I was comfortable setting foot in an elderly person’s hospital room. You are going to do a great job in helping your boys find their niche of serving! Just keep doing it until something fits.
Lindsey
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