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Resolving anger Biblically
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As promised, I’ve stayed awake long enough to give some sort of my take on resolving anger Biblically.
First, the Bible tells us we are to “be angry and do not sin.” (Psalm 4:4) So, there’s nothing sinful about feeling angry nor expressing it; it is how we express it that can lead to sin. When something makes us angry, we must try to respond rather than react to the person or situation. Responding uses words carefully to resolve a conflict; reacting usually involves saying things that are unkind or perhaps untrue, taking action that is inappropriate or excessive, or refusing to forgive the other party.
Second, we are warned, “do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.” (Ephesians 5:26-27) We have to resolve anger quickly or the enemy of our souls will keep simmering the emotional soup for a long time afterward. We need to pray (even before situations arise) to walk in wisdom when something or someone makes us angry and plan to forgive immediately. If you give the cause of your anger over to the Lord and ask Him to forgive the party involved, it keeps a root of bitterness from springing up. Even if you do not “feel” the forgiveness, you will have the peace of knowing you have been obedient to God by forgiving….and the feelings will follow eventually.
Finally, this is something that really requires preparation and habit-training of the heart. If you make it a matter of prayer to ask the Lord to assist you when you are angry, you’ll be aware of what is needed before you start to react to the angry feelings. Proverbs 17:27 says “He who has knowledge spares his words, and a man of understanding is of a calm spirit.” If you ask God for wisdom in all things, especially angry situations, you will find yourself able to address those situations with a calm spirit and few words.
I have found that when I remain calm and speak less while angry with my children, a few things happen. I am better able to sort out what really happened (important if more than one child is involved), I don’t end up “lecturing” to unteachable hearts, and I am far less likely to say nasty things or rashly throw out a punishment that is clearly over the top. Often, the person who has created the fuss will apologize for their part far sooner as well. We don’t end up with an unpleasant atmosphere remaining too long and polluting our home environment.
That’s just my opinion on the matter; I’d love to hear what others think.
Blessings,
Sue
I must have missed something here. Not sure why we are discussing anger. Psalm 4:4 and also Proverbs 15:1, a soft answer turneth away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger. I am also reminded of Jesus clearing out the temple of money changers and he was angry.
I believe there was an earlier post in which this was raised.
Righteous anger (Jesus w/the money changers, G-d’s justifiable anger w/sin, Apostle Paul at times, MLK Jr., William Wilburforce, and when we have righteous anger about an injustice, sin, lies, etc. and take action)
v/s self-centered anger (humans, most of the time, the type of anger that Prov. is referring to).
One confronts sin, builds (though our faith from which the righteous anger comes can be as a sword, too; Matt. 10:34) and affirms G-d’s Kingdom and the other destroys, strengthens sin, and builds our own kingdom.
just my 2 cents,
Rachel
Thanks 🙂 Still need more help! 🙂 what should we do when all they seem to do is argue and complain about each other. Fight and deni they have a problem. They start it, and blame someone else. I have already addressed what God says about it. I have punished them. It seems to be a reaccuring problem that never gets resolved. 🙁 I thought maybe it would help if I was more like Michelle Duggar. So I tried that and it seemed to make it worse. They were happy like things were good and they understood. They just seemed to try and get away with more. They would push the buttons and take more advantage of a good situation. Thoughts?
I’m sorry, but I should have included an explanation as to why I was posting this. In this thread, comments were made about how Michelle Duggar resolves anger biblically, as mentioned in her book, A Love that Multiplies. Someone asked just how one resolves anger biblically, and I said that, while I had not read the book to know how Michelle Duggar goes about it, I wanted to share my thoughts on the issue. However, I didn’t want to throw the other thread off track, so I started a new one.
Sorry for the confusion!
I really like the Boundaries books. It’s about personal responsibility regarding your own reactions. It’s not biblical to blame someone else for your own reaction to them. Also, it deals with the manipulations that we play on each other that cause strife. What I like about the Boundaries series is the emphasis on personal responsibilty and your own standing before G-d in your heart. G-d doesn’t give us permission to blame our reactions on others; we have the power of choice. Sometimes it’s yes, sometimes it’s no, but it’s about the motivations of the heart in those choices before G-d and and owning them when we do make the choice. It’s very self-discerning. Then following up on biblical confession and forgiveness.
http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Kids-Healthy-Choices-Children/dp/0310243157/ref=pd_sim_b_5
Also, as companions, the Tedd Tripp books, Sheparding a Child’s Heart and Instructing a Child’s Heart. As for the pusing of buttons; that can become quite habitual, so the sooner you can hear it, then nip in the bud, have them reflect on their behavior and they should have to repent in some way, serving the one whom they were creating contention with and/or whatever is approprate to the situation; then over time, new relationship habits can be developed.
But first I have to separate them, and myself, sometimes for myself to calm down because frustration can cloud my thinking.
Rachel
ps-I haven’t read the Duggar’s book either.
Yes, we have the Tedd Tripp books Rachel recommended (and also his speaking mp3 from a homeschool convention a few years back). He discusses how Christians should not use behaviorism, but the Bible and relationships, etc. to get at the heart of the problem. I have to constantly remind myself of how I should help my children along in this manner. My ds7 has had more of a complaining attitude lately. We already had Phil. 2:14 (Do all things without complaining and disputing) in the Scripture Memory Box and also verses on wisdom. We talk a lot about if this or that was foolish or wise from things they do or stuff we see others do on tv or out in public, etc. Tedd Tripp says to read a Proverbs a day to your kids and discuss them.
So I asked ds why he keeps complaining. I have tried taking away privileges hoping for a more grateful attitude, but that has not worked. So he says that he doesn’t know. We talk about it and he knows that it does not please the Lord and he knows it is wrong and foolish/not wise. I reminded him of the Scriptures. Then we prayed about it for the Lord to help him and give him strength to do the right things so he’ll have blessings. Then we hugged. I asked if it is okay for me to point out when he does it and have him to go to his room so he can pray. He was okay with that. So a few hours later, it happens again. I gently reminded him and sent him in his room to pray. I left him be alone and I heard some crying. Then a few moment later, he came out and gave me a hug and went back to working. I may have to do this quite a few times and I told ds that he may have to go and pray a lot to get through this, but that he will.
We did something similar to this with anger issues he was having months ago. The verse for that was Psalm 4:4 and we still have occasions come up where we pray together or I send him to his room to pray. I highly recommend Tedd Tripp’s books and Biblical methods, although I am still learning them.
I originally made the request of how to resolve anger biblically, so thank you to all who responded. I know many Christians like Tedd Tripp’s books, but I do not. In fact, I dislike most books about training children. I felt like I was the policeman in our home always looking for someone who is out of line, afraid that if I overlooked anything my children were headed for hell or jail! Now, I know that is NOT what the authors of those books intended, but that was how it came out in my application. The result is that I became an angry mom. I was not enjoying my children like I wanted. Yes, I know that raising children is not always “fun,” but I am trying to turn my perspective around.
To Chocodog – I think most of my children’s bad behavior is learned from me! When I hear my daughter scolding her little brother, it sounds like the same harsh voice I used with her! OUCH!! My husband also reminds me that children misbehave because of SIN! We have to teach them gently. I think some people just seem to naturally have a softer personality than others!!! 🙂
Without being too wordy, it would be wise to suggest that moms should pray and seek patience through the Lord for anger issues.
First, Michelle never said that using a soft voice will solve the problem. She basically said that practicing and getting into the habit of a soft answer (which the Bible says) is the way to calm herself before applying discipline. Sometimes it may help to have the child go and sit somewhere while the mom gets a handle on her own emotions. Then the discipline can be applied appropriately. This is NOT easy and requires alot of practice, and we all get practice opportunities.
Michelle teaches during school time certain bible passages for character training, including resolving sibling squabbles. For the older ones, she encourages them to apply these principles in their own lives. In the book she gives an example of her kids’ argument and how to show them to handle it. After doing this, she expects them to work out future arguments on their own, and if it’s brought to mom, it will be no fun. 🙂
I encourage those interested to buy or find the book via library. The Duggars go into more details. Although I don’t do everything the way Michelle does, it is good to find nuggets of God’s wisdom that personally speak to me.
Hope this helps!
P.S. The above is pasted onto the other post titled ‘ Duggar book encouraging. ‘
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