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Rejection
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My heart is heavy tonight for my ds 7 1/2. We went to the park this evening. The park is part of an elementary school campus, and this school was having its open house this evening. My ds was VERY excited when we pulled up because he saw all the children and said he was going to make some boy friends. In the 45 minutes we were there, I watched him ask 5-6 boys around his age to play and/or be his friend. None of them ever blatantly said “No”, but they would run off and play with the other kids instead of playing with my ds. By the time we left, ds was holding back tears. He was so rejected, and he feels like no one likes him. I explained to him that those boys all went to school together, so they already know each other and that maybe they don’t know how to let new boys play. A few of the kids asked my ds what grade he was in, to which he responded, “I homeschool, I don’t go to school here.” At that, the boys lost interest in him and ran off.
As a mama bear trying to protect my baby, my heart hurts so badly for him. I know how he feels, and I wasn’t even homeschooled! How do you handle these situations? I don’t want him to think that all kids will treat him that way, and I sure don’t want him to think it’s his fault or that there’s something wrong with him.
Of course, I’m going to use this as a teaching opportunity to help him see how it’s very important for him to ALWAYS include others so as not to make anyone else feel the way he feels right now.
How can I help him navigate this situation and his feelings in this situation? I know this probably isn’t the last time this will happen.
Blessings,
Lindsey
So sorry that happened and I know you will work through this with the Lord’s help. There is another post about a park trip from few months ago. I’ll see if I can find it.
I am sorry Lindsey. I feel for your son, and you too. You are right, it is a learning opportunity…(even though that doesn’t help us feel better:)
Sometimes these things hurt us moms more, and our kids generally bounce back sooner from such situations. I would address the issue gently, pray about it, and move on. I try to prepare my kids that this is part of life, no matter how we school. Just think of the poor kids at school that are rejected EVERYDAY. So sad. We are very blessed to be home with our precious kids, and help them through these things when they are young.
Hope your son has a better day tomorrow! Keep up the faith.
My daughter went through something similar 2 DIFFERENT TIMES a few weeks ago. The girls wouldn’t even look at her when she talked to them….and she repeated herself and I could hear her so she wasn’t speaking quietly. There are no girls her age around our house so meeting kids at the park is her only “kids-her-age” social opp she has right now.
A few months after I pulled my son out of public school our SMALL town was having a fall festival and he was so excited to be able to see his school friends again. We walked up to the church just down the street, which had bounce housses galore, and my son’s smile was growing as we got closer. He saw some of his friends, ran over to them, and said “hey guys!”. Three of them looked at him and commented about how fat he had become since leaving school. My son was totally crushed…these were his BEST friends in school and all they could say was “you got fat!”, which he had a bit of body weight due to that awkward time but he was not FAT.
He asked to go home. He and I watched a movie while his dad and sister enjoyed the fall activities. Broke my heart to pieces to see that saddness in my little man. He was 8 years old and this was 2 years ago….but my heart still hurts just thinking about it.
We go to a co-op in our area for some classes and monthly activities so he does have some friend time. We also found a good church again. He has some friends but none that are local to us now. Sometimes being in a small rural town in Texas is great, sometimes it is the worse thing in the world.
Thanks, everyone. We had a nice family discussion last night about the evening’s events. We told our son that he needs to just keep on being friendly to whomever he meets, whether they choose to play with him or not. We also made sure to emphasize his feelings and that he would never want anyone else to feel the way he felt. He understood how important it is to always include others so that he is never the cause of someone else’s feelings of rejection. As much as it hurt my heart for him, I’m kind of glad that it happened. It opened up a real teachable moment that we wouldn’t have had otherwise.
Kids are mean, sometimes meaner than adults. It’s a hard pill to swallow when you realize you can’t protect them all the time, even when they’re 10 feet away from you. This was a good learning experience for me as well.
Blessings,
Lindsey
This happens on a daily basis in our neighborhood to my son. It’s hard! I’ve encouraged him to “pray for his enemies” because they don’t know Jesus. 🙂 It’s VERY difficult!
No advice…things like this just break my heart! It’s one of the main reasons I want to homeschool because while you can’t always be there, at least you are there the majority of the time and you can see when things like this happen and use it to teach your children just like you did instead of having them keep these things to themselves and have them start to think something is wrong with them and act out or try to gain acceptance by doing things they shouldn’t…
It is very hard to see your children hurt, but it is not all bad. They can identify with our Lord Jesus Christ in his rejection. My husband credits much of his mental & emotional toughness to the fact that he was picked on and rejected as a child, because he & his family were the only Asians in town. Believe me, he has emotions, but he is way tougher than me.
A few years ago, we were rejected by close friends, who were fellow homeschoolers and fellow church members. Relationships built over years were dropped, including our children’s friendships. That was very painful for me personally and to see our children lose some of their best friends. However I can see God’s providence in the whole situation. God has changed me in my view of friendships and given me more of a ministry outlook.
Remember that God cares deeply for our children and is working in their lives to mold them into glorious lumps of clay. I read in a blog link from this forum about God working in us through the homeschooling of our children. Perhaps one way is a call to prayer not just for our children but for their friends … even the provision of them, and of leading us to them, maybe helping us connect with others who need a friend.
This is always a hard situation for a parent to watch. Since we have recently moved to a new area, we are encountering those situations quite often. It’s good to keep in mind that the children aren’t necessarily being unkind. I am having this same scenario with many adults as well. I try not to think of it as people rejecting either myself or my children, we all just naturally gravitate to a more comfortable place. Meeting new people and trying to include them requires effort. It’s much easier to talk with and play with the people you already feel comfortable with. I hope you can use this as a good learning opportunity for both your children and yourself to remember to make the effort to include others. I think it’s been a great benefit to my children, even though it’s hard.
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