socialization/park/etc.

How old is your dd? I think that makes a big difference in “needing” social stuff outside of the home. If she has four little siblings, in just a few years they will be her playmates and best friends. I have learned that what I “thought” my child needed was really just that..what I thought. 🙂 Now that my kids are older, circumstances and life have changed and relationships outside of family have evolved over the years. Park days and little social outings are great things, but for our family it was not easy to keep doing that after the kids get older and I kept having babies. I am not saying we shouldn’t socialize, but just keep in perspective that in the long run it will be mostly our family members that remain our closest companions. If, by God’s grace we can help our children establish that closeness in their sibling relations, what a blessing that will be for them in their adult years!

Hope this helps! Blessings to you!

Very sound advice from simple home.  I just want to chime in that I know what you mean about the bad influences, even at church.  I don’t know the answer for you, but we had a similar incident at the park.  Ours doesn’t sound as harsh as yours, but I used it as a learning experience and told my daughter that the other girl had the wrong attitude.  We need to be kind to others, even when they are not kind to us.  I told my little girl that God made her special and that the other girl is missing out on a good friendship by not wanting to play with her.  Even in the adult world, I still encounter that girl at the playground who doesn’t want to “play”.  I wouldn’t let it stop my park days, but be sure she knows how loved and special she is, even if that little girl doesn’t think so.  At this young of age, most kids make friends at the playground easily.  There is that one or two you have to deal with…and, unfortunately, always will.  These kids at the park probably aren’t going to turn into lasting relationships, but it’s nice to enteract with other kids.  As simple home said, closeness in sibling relations are very important for a lifetime.

I agree with all of the previous posts.  I especially like what SarahPA said about letting your child know how special she is, and that the other child is missing out on a special friend. 

I do want to add, however, that I do not think it is blowing our Christian witness if we correct a child who is mistreating our child (or another child).  When I say correct, I mean saying something like, “That’s not a very respectful way to speak to someone, do you think you could speak more kindly to _____?  It truly honors God when we treat one another with kindness.”  This happened at the park with us about a month ago.  My kids were playing nicely together and some other bigger kids came running up on the playground.  One of them decided it would be funny to spin the carousel and not let my youngest (4) on.  I mean purposefully, when she’d try to get on the girl would turn the carousel then stop, mine would try to get on and the girl would turn the carousel and stop.  The third time I said please don’t do that, she’d like to get on.  The girl looked at me, terrified that I’d even spoken to her, and let my child get on the carousel and then played with her on the carousel nicely.

I share that to say, I know we can’t rescue our children from all hurtful things, but as representatives of the One who is the Defender of the fatherless and the widow, I think it is okay to speak out when we see something wrong or when we see someone, anyone, mistreated.  In so doing, we teach our children to do the same.

I wouldn’t let rude children deter us from using the fun playthings at the park. I would simply remind my children of what is expected of them and that they always have the choice of how to respond. They may play something different, politely ask to be included or simply ignore the rude behavior.

I whole-heartedly agree with Heather. I have NO problem correcting other people’s children in love and have done so many, many times. Typically the offending child responds well to being corrected by an “outsider” while occasionally the mother of the offending child gets offended. An example would be use of the slide. I’ve never allowed my kids to climb the slide at the park, but they must climb the steps and slide down as intended. Other kids frequently climb the slide while mine wait patiently at the top. I will then gently say to the slide climber, “Could you please use the steps, other kids are waiting patiently for their turn.” This usually fixes the problem. 

If another child is being mean and saying hurtful things, I would address that child with his parents. Perhaps the mom is unaware for some reason like being out of earshot. Even if she is aware, being called on it can have a positive effect. In my opinion, ignoring the poor behavior is a bit like enabling. There are times to avoid and turn away and times to confront – all in love, mind you. This isn’t to be judgmental, but rather a good witness for the Lord as we set a good example to those around us. I should say that I’ve had both positive and negative reactions from parents when I’ve done this, but nevertheless, I’ve done what I felt the Lord would have me to do in that situation. A negative example – at the local pool, a child was “sharing” my dd’s toys and when we were preparing to leave, I asked the little boy to return the small toy (nothing special). He protested LOUDLY! His mother proceeded to say something like, “Little Johnny really likes that toy. Could I buy it from you?” To which I responded, “No, I’m sorry. You many not.” The other mother was annoyed and said to her son in a very sarcastic tone, “Johnny, the lady wants her toy back so I’m sorry you have to give it to her.” He threw it down and they both stomped off. This became a teachable moment for my kids of exactly what rude behavior looks like and why we don’t want to behave that way.

I find that many of today’s parents want the easy way and they mistakenly believe that allowing their kids to behave as they please when they are young will miraculously change as they get older. Our family has chosen to be intentional in how we raise our kids. We choose the hard work now of correcting and training so that we may enjoy these small people as they grow. 

In the case of modesty, this one is extremely difficult to deal with at times because unless you are a hermit, you will be exposed to it. I’ve taught and continue to teach my kids that they must guard their eyes as we cannot control what others choose to wear. This works better in some situations that others. It is difficult to guard one’s eyes at a public pool, but that is when we discuss WHY we choose not to dress a certain way and remind the kids that other families are responsible for their own choices before the Lord. This one is never fully resolved as there are even children at church dressed inappropriately by our standards. We’ve simply chosen that we will uphold our standards by dressing in ways that meet them, turning our eyes away when possible (ads, tv, billboards, etc) and setting examples where we can (at the pool, for instance). It simply isn’t possible to avoid all immodesty. A side note, if this were a child whose family I knew well, I would probably have a frank discussion with the parents about the choice of clothing, too. 

Blessings,

Christie

Obviously, this is a hot topic; we all deal with it because we live in society, not caves LOL.  I usually stay away from this subject in large groups because I have very strong opinions on the subject.  Here are my bullet points:

*We are not responsible for anyone’s actions but our own.  Therefore, we cannot make someone be kind, but we can choose to be kind. 

*If a child (or adult-another HOT topic for me) is rude or threatening or downright mean to my child, I will say something.  I’ve been in a situation where I did not say something to the person who was rude to my daughter (the offending person was an adult in that situation) and I felt that I wronged my daughter…it left a huge impression on me, one that I won’t forget.  These are our children.  We are to steward them as our most precious responsibilities because, well, they are! 

*I will not correct another person’s child in their parents’ presence unless that child’s safety is at stake.  If I see something the mother doesn’t that includes my child, I will make him/her aware of it, and hopefully we can fix it.  If they choose not to correct, I will remove my child.  This is personal to me, and I won’t “dissertate” on it, but I feel very strongly about this point.  As mentioned above and in other posts, our children are ours to steward, and their children are theirs to steward.  

*Modesty is an issue of the heart; it starts inward.  Therefore, when we are around others who flaunt themselves or who fall into the category of “bondage to the masses” as we call it, our first order of business should be prayer for the heart of that person, and secondly for the Holy Spirit to move in their lives, prompting them toward holiness and pleasing their Father before man (or society, as it were).  Many times it’s not willful disobedience, but ignorance based on blindness because, well, “this ain’t Eden”.

*We have to choose our battles.  If you know the child and/or family well, consider their place in life spiritually.  We cannot reasonably expect new Christians to act like mature Christians any more than we can expect our children to behave like well brought up adults, ‘cuz they’re still in the bringing up part.  Simplistically, I work from Macro to Micro.  Big, obvious issues first, and gently, and move from there. 

Blessing to all of you.  We’re fighting the great fight with our children.  That’s our job and our privilage, and these battles are tough, but standing for and with our children allows us to be the champions they need us to be for them in this stage of their lives. 

Please take these “bullets” as another opinion, not condemnation to any opposing views-this community is precious to me, and I’m so glad we get to work these things out together.

So….as Forrest Gump would say, “…that’s all I have to say about that.”

Jo: I love how you used the Little House characters to explain it to her! 

Great points made by the rest of you.  Great topic.  Thanks.

Great minds think alike…I used Laura and Nellie as an example too the other day with my 8 year old dd! Must be a CM thing or something. Lol. 🙂

If I had to choose one thing to say about an unruly child at the park, it would be to remember the proverb “A soft answer turneth away wrath.” Pleasantly and gently acknowledging a behavior problem is not wrong, and sometimes it is needed if someone’s emotions is getting out of hand.