Raising Godly Tomatos

Our oldest is 7. We do not allow him in others houses, just outside in the field in front of the house.  All the houses face the field and most of the kids are the same age as him.  We use to allow him in some houses, but since he watched a movie there he is no longer allowed.  He is not willing to speak up and say I cannot watch that please turn it or just say he has to go home, so we feel he is not old enough to play at others houses in that case.  We do allow the neighbor kids at our house, but they are sent home if they do not follow our rules.

We do use a wooden spoon.  I try very hard not to ever use my hand. There do come times when it is necessary though.  I just wasn’t sure if I was misunderstanding what she was saying.   She does say specifically the hand, but I am not of this opinion. Hubby and I agree that hands are for loving.

I may have overstated the “at all” part of my husband not helping.  He has given a spanken here or there. He just so easily raises his voice and threatens the spanking instead of just doing it (which I consider the opposite of help).  He does feel that there should be much less for him to do as he is tired after a long day and that if I have been doing my part all day they would be more obedient. No matter how gently I try to encourge him to help it hasn’t worked. I should just make it a bigger priority in my prayer life is what it is!! 

I will not say I don’t ever raise my voice, but today I tried very not to raise my voice and to even lower my voice when correcting the children. I think it worked because he (hubby) did not raise his voice 1 time!!  Also I gave the babies a large snack right before I made dinner and they were not fussy at all.  That helped a lot.  No one wants to be greated by fussy babies and a busy wife. Plus once the babies get fussy the rest tend to follow.  It was probably the most calm dinner prep has been for 11.5 months!

We talked through a lot of the Pearls book together, but since then he has not been interested.  (quite a long time ago) We did not agree with much of the techniques used by them, but we still gained valuable information from them.  I just “wish” I had this book years ago!

Anyhow thanks for the reply. I will keep reading. I too love the tomato staking and though I did it with the younger 3 already I see the value in doing it will all 5. We really had a great day and I feel encouraged to do it all again tomorrow!

Stephanie

Sara,

The tension between husband and wife over differing parental opinions can certainly be, as you said, annoying.  It has been a great problem between my husband and me as well.  But one thing you said really stood out, and it caused me to see a real blessing in your situation.

You said, “He has even said to me that I should go out sometime alone and he’d watch the kids.  But he HATES watching the kids, especially the baby.  I know that, he knows that, we both know that.”  What I realized, as I read that, is that your husband has made a very, very sacrificial offer to you.  Simply put, he is offering to do something that he hates to do–for you, for your benefit.  Wow!  If he would follow through on that offer, what a blessing for you!

We wives are told in Ephesians 5:22 to submit to our husbands, and in verse 33 to respect them.  Husbands, however, are told to love their wives (v. 25) as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her–the ultimate sacrifice.  For your husband to offer the sacrifice of watching the kids while you go out–that’s showing you his love for you!  Perhaps this thought will help take the sting out of the annoying times of disagreement on parenting techniques….at least a little bit.

Blessings,

Sue M.