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Questioning quality of hsing by son??
- This topic has 22 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 13 years, 6 months ago by
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Thanks everyone. I don’t quite know what to say either. My husband agreed last night to let him try the junior high school down the street from us in the fall. My son was rather shocked that we would agree to this but said that he appreciated letting him tryi it out since he knows how hard this is for me. He’s been asking questions about what time school starts in the morning, what “type” of work do they expect, is there bullying, etc. I tried to answer as best I could without being biased, but that was hard. We’ve discussed what he will have to give up (extracurricular act. that we wouldn’t have time for), but that I would still want him to join us in some of our read alouds/audio books, etc.
I feel like I’m trying to prepare him with the good, bad, and the ugly, but I think he’s still going to be shocked (I only hope he stays shocked and doesn’t conform). He is acutely aware of bad behavior/disrespect (not that he’s perfect) at karate and other classes he’s taken and has mentioned that he just can’t handle it. He is just a kid and does “kid stuff” but has this way about him…he is okay at watching other kids do “kid stuff” and may say, “They’re just being kids, Mom,” but doesn’t join in. Then there are times he is just appalled at disobedience. I pray he stays that way and rather than join in, walks away, like he does now. Mind you, he is not without faults, but right now he has an idea of how he doesn’t want to be (yet, is not a holier-than-thou kind of kid). It’s just his personality.
I’ve had hard times, but this is by far the hardest. Homeschooling offers such opportunity and I know he knows that, has experienced it, but just wants to know what it’s like in ps. Ugh. Maybe things will change by the fall. But, even if it does and he doesn’t go, I still feel as if he will fall back into that, “What if?” mode/mood sooner or later and we’re back to square one. This would have to be something that God would need to remove permanently from his mind/heart and embrace life as we have it. He’s so funny, he’s doing his math right now, well, just finished up and is now on to science. He’s been asking when we are going to read the Miller stories we are on right now. He has no idea that most kids in ps (don’t mean to generalize) are not desiring to hear those kind of stories. I think it’s sad that once kids get into ps they feel the need give up what they enjoyed to “fit in” with the crowd. Most kids, unless they are unusually strong in the Spirit, don’t have the courage to say what they enjoy even if it’s not a crowd pleaser. Maybe he will, I don’t know.
Pray for me, please, I’m am so stressed right now, I’m trying to lay this at the Lord’s feet, but finding it hard. I’m trying to see that my son has his own things to wrestle with, like the rest of us do, and this is really hard.
I can’t even imagine what my husband and I put our parents through…I should call my mom and apologize:)
You know, your son may still be wrestling with this. Or he just has a lot of questions, as any child entering a new school would have. If the questions seem to keep coming after a day or two, perhaps you could suggest that he write down his questions, and tell him that you will take a look at them and formulate answers to them. (Some may be simple answers, like “school starts at 8 a.m.” and some may be more complex, like “you’ll have textbooks for most subjects with quizzes and tests, but you won’t be reading books like ‘Wisdom and the Millers’ and probably not ‘_____’ like we’ve been reading for history.”) Then you can offer to sit down in the evening and talk about a couple of questions at a time in an open, honest way. Just keep the dialogue open.
Do you have an “exit plan” in place with your husband should your son decide he wants to come home again after he tries ps? That is a possibility–I’ve seen it happen–and you should be on the same page with your husband about this. Do you pull him out immediately? Do you insist he stay in for a minimum time period? If your son is unlikely to tell you that he does not like ps, he ought to know that you won’t be upset with him if he changes his mind after he attends. However, at that point, I would probably remind him about what James says about a double-minded man and tell him you will not entertain the possibility of attending ps again if he comes back home. But that’s just me….
That must be a hard thing to deal with and I feel for you – he may yet change his mind as he has a whole summer to think about it – but if he doesn’t keep your faith strong and his too. It may not last once he gets there – but perhaps he needs to find out for himself…I will pray for you all, and pray that if and when he is in the PS system that God protects him from the less desirable things that are out there – and of course he can come home again. You son does indeed have his own thoughts and desires to wrestle with and that is tough to watch – as with most trials that are set at our doors, we generally end up a lot stronger and the trials are not there to destrroy our faith but are opportunities to prove God’s faithfulness (someone sent me a card with that on it, and I think it is true). Through all the trials with my daughter’s health and other life happenings – my faith has only grown stronger and I have come to understand a lot. I wish you all well, and please let us know how it goes. Blessings, Linda
Wow! Thanks again. Sue and Linda you have given me great food for thought and practical ideas that I can’t think up right now.
And, to Suzikimom, I feel for your son and the “party” thing…my kids have experienced some similar situations (as you have read) and other than family, have not really experienced “friend” parties. They have gone to my husband’s coworkers’ kid’s parties…lots of apostrophes there. And, I have experienced bullying (watching and toward me) and what an awful feeling. Our kids should be able to feel safe, like they do at home.
Thanks so much ladies. I may need to vent more….I covet your prayers.
my3boys my heart is breaking for you. Your family will be in my prayers all summer and it will be my prayer that your son changes his mind! I really want to say though that I commend your faith and courage and your ability to give your son some lattitude on this. Recently I’ve really realized that I’ve been making homeschooling an idol – putting more faith in it and in my abilities than in the Lord. I’ve been parenting out of fear and not in faith and I’ve been stuggling SO much. The Lord has been faithful and patient with me, and so far no one has wanted to go back to public school but I can kinda smell it coming with my 10 yo son. You’ve been a good example for me here (and all of the other comments) and I hope if and when it comes up for me I can be as faithful as you are being. I can so imagine how you must feel and I will be praying for you dear sister.
In Christ,
Michelle
Oh and by the way – your description of your son sounds EXACTLY like my son! Such a pleaser, such a good kid, but I worry so much that there’s so much in his heart to which I am not not privy.
Oh, Michelle, thank you. I can’t tell you (and everyone else) how much I appreciate your words of encouragement and offers of prayer.
And, yes, this boy is a hard nut, I tell you. I have told him, as sweet as he is, he is going to make his wife crazy. He talks when he wants to talk and then you find yourself guessing the rest of the time. He doesn’t do it out of disrespect, it’s his personality. Now, my 8yo, will tell you everything, all day, every day, no matter what it is. My 12yo is rather private. (Little funny here)….Once, when he promoted belts (karate), he could not even muster up full blown excitement…he’d just done what he wanted to do and just couldn’t even get super excited. He told me that he may not act like other kids, you know, all excited/hyper, yelling, etc. but to trust him, he was yelling on the inside. I said, “Okay.” His dad and I are so verbal it makes him crazy. His dad is the type that has never met a stranger, but to my son, everyone is a stranger. So funny.
Now to faith…my husband is a different story and I have had to trust that people (my family) have to come to their own conclusions or it’s temporary. I have never been able to get my husband to do anything (permanent anyway) by just telling him what I thought (even respectfully). He trust me, I know that, but his personality (call it stubborness) has to do “whatever” and come to his own conclusions.. but, then I know it’s for keeps. Now of course he’s a grown man and is usually seeking God’s will, but I have wondered a time or two if the Lord is paying attention and if my husband is actually seeking. Patience…waiting on the Lord for “whatever” to come to pass and then “it” coming to pass has helped me to trust more and more. Not always easy, mind you, and right now my heart is breaking (I feel as if I have lost him already, our goals, etc.), but what else can I do but talk with him and talk with God and trust that God knows what He’s doing?? God is working things out for the good in my son’s life as well as mine.
I will pray for you, too, as you sort things out with the Lord. He’s so faithful and patient…He amazes me.
Hi – I responded yesterday to your post, but re-reading it made me think that I left it open-ended as definitely anti-public school. I wanted to tell you that I was not trying to make you feel bad – I just thought it interesting that people are willing and desiring to allow their kids to be in those situations all for a dance (Prom), when once you are out of high school, those things seem so trivial.
I really want to say that while you are heartbroken for him, you have taught him his values and given him a foundation that most people do not give their children. At some point you will have to trust him to know his heart, and let him experience some of the more worldly situations. It would, in some ways, be easier for him to experience some of them while he is this young and at home with you to cover his back, instead of when he is 18 and in college (this is just an example). If he were to experience some of this, he may decide to homeschool and appreciate all the more what you have given him.
I also have to say that I met my best friend at PS when I was 14. We still communicate weekly and visit occasionally. We are both Christian, although not the same denomination. She is awesome – maybe your son will be able to make that one good friend that everyone is anxious for him to have, and maybe he will just be able to touch someone else’s life for good. =) Just because he goes, doesn’t mean that you will lose him…based on your comments of his maturity, he might look at everyone and be suprised at the shallowness of jr high, and want to come home. (we can always hope and pray…)
I hope that you can get something resloved soon so you can know what to do to help all of your family. =)
@sheraz, I did not take offense at anything that you posted. And, I agree with you on the fact that I will have to trust what we have try to instill and that he has the Spirit to lead him as well. If I were talking about my 8 and 5yos…we wouldn’t even be discussing this, but my oldest is just an old soul. So different from most of the kids his age. I would venture to say that if he goes he will acknowledge that he just doesn’t belong, but maybe find that friend that he can be a good friend to (and vice versa) and he will have his curiousity fulfilled. We may even take a tour of the school and see how that stirs his insides:)
Thank you for your response….thank you to everyone who has offered encouragement and prayer. Please continue until we have peace.
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