Questioning quality of hsing by son??

My daughters were in public school until 5th grade and then we removed them to start homeschooling.  We are nearly finished – just over a year to go, and they would tell you – their learning only took off when they started to homeschool and that they regret they were not homeschooled all along.  I know this is not what you are asking – but it gives a perspective of what two older teens feel about PS and HS.  They have frequently told me, that though the schools seem to have more to offer at times, they also don’t every allow you to have time to pursue the things that really interest you – that you have to be like a sheep and do everything everyone else does.  They don’t feel they would have missed anything – and that there lives are much richer for homeschooling.  I think your son’s desire is common, the grass is always greener kind of thing – but sadly the grass is not always greener.  I think it is great that you are taking his feelings into consideration, what a great mom you are – it is important that we hear our children, and then talk to them about the worries and concerns they have including wanting to go to PS.  Of course we are the grown ups and make the decisions of what is best in the end – but hearing and discussing his concerns is really good and he will appreciate it.  Does he say what he thinks he is missing – is it sports, band, friends – all of those things can be accomplished in a hs setting?  My daughters hated textbooks for a time when they left PS, then embraced them for some subjects as spines and for math and science, but in the main they love the freedom to choose the living books and the easy gentle method of learning.  Most important of all they appreciated the time to do their own studies on the things that interested them and take field trips when they wanted etc.  Good luck with this, I don’t think it is unusual..but that grass is not always so green – he just does not know that yet.  Linda

This really strikes me as a real “Prodigal Son” scenario in some ways.  Like the story in Luke 15, there seems to be a great longing for something else or at least something new.  Unfortunately, those types of longings often come from the voice of our adversary, Satan.  He just loves to plant seeds of discontent, and he’ll water and feed them until they grow huge.

One way to help overcome this is through keeping our minds on things from above.  We can better do this if we are spending daily time in prayer and reading the Word of God.  Now, I wouldn’t recommend going up to your son and telling him, “This public school notion is pure nonsense!  You need to take those thoughts captive, so go pray for an hour….and before you do that, read your Bible!”  However, if you can subtly inquire of him, “How’s your time with the Lord going these days?  Are you reading the Word and talking to Him every day?” and mention it apart from any discussion of school, you’ll be setting up a solid foundation on which he can sort things out more reasonably.

Furthermore, you might consider sitting down and reading the Prodigal Son story with him (again, apart from any mention of the schooling issue), and see if the two of you can foster some good discussion about what the son expected to find and what he actually got through his experience.  Then, you can bring up the fact that you are concerned about how he perceives public school and what the realities of such a situation are.  It’s fine to express firmly that the final decision rests with his parents and that you will not likely waver in that decision, but you can let him know that you are open to discussion as long as you all are prepared to “agree to disagree” and end the discussion after a time.

I will keep this in prayer and hope for a gentle, agreeable outcome for your family.

Sue

my3boys, all your children sound wonderful.  I wanted to offer some wisdom from Sally Hohnberger realizing that no situation has a one-size-fits-all answer and we must be open to hearing God’s voice. 

The situation was different but her twelve-year-old son was questioning the judgment of his parents.  After some prayer they realized that reasoning would not help and told him that it didn’t really matter what he thought or what they thought.  What mattered was what God thought.  Since he was twelve and a young man preparing for adulthood, he needed to take responsibility to know God’s will for his life and study the topic out for himself until he knew the will of God in (this case) parental supervision for him.  Then he could order his life to God’s will.  

They then gave him personal study time for this.  After a week, their son determined that 10-18 year-olds “still need God-fearing parents giving guidelines and input as we grow in Him.”  Interestingly, in the end her son’s real issue was not parental supervision but trust and fairness. Remembering a previous post of yours, I’m wondering if there is another issue (it was loneliness, right)?  Anyhow, God knows and we are praying.

I’m referring to Sally Hohnberger’s book “Parenting Your child by the Spirit” Ages 5-12.

Best,

Richele

my3boys, oops, I meant that study to be a Bible study if I wasn’t clear.  He will never leave us and the door is always open for us to lay our burdens at His feet.  -r

Well, I know you know this type of thing, and that it sounds like he isn’t able to take your word for it, but public school definitely isn’t a guaranteed source of friends.

I was the “picked on kid” from about grade 4 to grade 10 (and that was through 4 schools, in different areas of our city.)  In grade 11 and 12 I finally had friends again.  I did have a friend in a few of those years, but it was otherwise me having my life made miserable by my “peers”.    I had “fantastic” experiences… like when my 1 friend at school told me that she wasn’t going to be my friend anymore because people were bugging her because of being my friend.  I cried all weekend.  A couple of weeks later she was my friend again because other people still didn’t act nice to her…  

Anyway – I know he doesn’t want to hear it and probably wouldn’t… but not everyone at public school has friends, and the bullying, ostracising, and just general meanness is a definite possibility.

That said – there are days I ache for my almost 8yo son who has NEVER been invited to a birthday party (except for family).  

I hear what you are saying Suzuki mom.  My daughters were bullied and picked on for not being into the things the other kids were – they were into nature and animals and things like that, and the other kids could be brutal.  We actually took them out of school for academic reasons but the bullying and lack of help from the staff to address is was another reason. 

My girls were never invited to a birthday party either, but they say that it has not bothered them, they say the parties, the prom and the cheerleading are just things that play into the popularity contest attitude prevailing in the schools, and makes it even harder for some kids to fit in – they said they don’t see any of those  things mattering in the big picture of life, they are just at the time feel good things for the kids involved and no-one else.  I agree when I was in school in the UK many moons ago, we did not have proms, cheerleading and the like, and I never felt like I missed out on anything at all.  You would be surprised how many moms have said to me “oh but your daughters will miss out on the important things like baton twirling and the prom” this always amuses me, because in a lifetime of living, these things are totally unimportant and just puff people up.  So though at times I felt sad that friends were not easy to come by, at the end of the day, the girls are very grateful for the way they have been raised and if they could do it again the only thing they would do different, is homeschool from the start.    I will continue to pray for you all, but I know that God will work this through and it will be ok – keep the faith and just be there for him, pray for him and with him and I am sure it will all turn out right.

You know I sometimes think we as mums and dads feel worse for our children because we perceive them to be unhappy about something when perhaps they are not.  I think at times we all have pangs of what if I could do this or that, but for whatever reason we cannot do it – I imagine for children it is the same – I bet though that sometimes we worry too much about things that are not concerning the child as much as we may think.  At the end of the day, we have to follow God’s Word and our own principles and not shy from the responsibility of that.  The days of innocent little birthday parties, the type I remember as a child, with wholesome games and playing outside, are long gone – now they all seem to have themes and some wildly inappropriate themes in my book – and I would not want to be a part of that.  In our street recently I overheard a mom talking about her 8 year old daughter’s Lady GaGa party – I nearly fell over having had the misfortune to see this woman on a news show a while ago – why would you want to encourage a child in that is beyond me.  Still difficult as it can be God and family values and principles come first in our family.