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Problem: dd is with estranged husband and he’s demanding records + more
- This topic has 7 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 11 months ago by
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Hi everyone,
I don’t want to go through the long spiel so, in a nut-shell, my dd had to be sent to a mental illness facility in April after a violent episode in the home: a culmination of her lying, deception, and stealing. The full account of events that led her there I’d rather not go into, but, without my inclusion in the decision making process, including after-care, my schizoaffective husband (whom we left in 2014 b/c of the abuse his disease caused, but I did not divorce) managed to get my dd moved to his house.
He is not including me on any decisions regarding her future educational plans, he’s not finishing her year this year (which ends in Aug) and he’s leaving me out of all decisions, reports, contact info for treatment therapists, doctors, etc; basically regarding every aspect of her life. I’ve caught him in numerous falsehoods over the past 4 weeks (the delusional part of the schizophrenia, nothing new). I have no idea what school he’s planning on putting her in next year. But I have to create records.
I am going to see an attorney to gain my existing legal rights regarding access to her records and decision-making power. Technically, I should not have been left out of the post-care meeting that took place (I wasn’t even told when she was being discharged by the facility) nor should her records, reports, doctor’s visits, therapy notes, etc. be kept from me as there is no legal basis for it. I have called in to set up an appt with the therapist who handled this and requested medical reports from the hospital and facility. But this is about “payback” and power for him.
Anyway, my question is about her 8th grade reports.
1-she’s not going to finish a few things. When I write out the the course descriptions, since it’s unfinished per his decision (and against GA Law), what else would I include? He’s already creating the narrative that I have let her down and done such a horrible job that she is so behind and a “social misfit”
2- there’s only 2 classes that she has any high school credit (speech and Spanish 1). She failed her non-credit spring sem science course and her would’ve been a full-credit comp. course due to her actions. How do I write all this out? I know how to write the pre-high school credited hours, but those classes she failed?
3- the issue that he is demanding all of this while withholding all info about her life really chaps my hide. I told him I need to know which educational locations he is considering so I can contact them myself about what they want. This he is not providing.
The only thing he told me is that he is considering the school that goes from 10-12th!! Good grief, she had LDs in math, at minimum. She could handle all the 9th grade subjects, except for math and she’d need extra help with writing since she didn’t finish that this year, but she’s a natural writer, just a disorganized thinker. Her grammar needs shoring up, too, and she’d have to have biology, since it’s non-mathy, but otherwise, she’d be fine. She has to take an end-of-course test for Spanish 1 since the government doesn’t recognize a “non-accredited” course (never mind that she was taught with Abeka private school curriculum by a NATIVE Spanish speaker!).
So, what info can ya’ll help on any singular or all of these points? The bare-minimum on the course descriptions and how to handle the unfinished subjects and the classes she failed and the fact that I have NO IDEA where these would go and what they themselves require. Yes, I’m a member of HSLDA, and have spoken to our attorney for the state. I’ve spoken to the 9th grade academy here and one private/hybrid school, but that’s it, but I don’t know what he has planned. Uugh!!
Thanks
First off, I know zero about legal matters and homeschooling in GA so take anything I say with that in mind. I write only what comes to my heart and my brain as the logical answer given the (academic) needs of your daughter. If you are concerned about your daughter’s ability to cope in the grade 10 class your husband wants her in next year AND given the fact that she truly did not complete 8th grade, I would do this: Write a very brief title and description for every course she was supposed to study this past year – every course that you had on her original plan for her 8th grade year – and indicate a failing grade for each course. I can’t think of a better way to make sure your daughter doesn’t wind up in that grade 10 class! Also, with a summary like this this in hand (one that shows she did not pass her 8th grade level courses), perhaps the teachers and therapists/counselors would have little choice but to insist to your husband that she remain in 8th grade. You might have some hope that your husband will follow what they say and not put her in a 10th grade school. And even if they do not insist she remain in 8th grade – wherever she does end up, it will be in her best interest that there be a document showing that she did not pass 8th grade. Her new teachers / principal will work harder towards getting extra help for her, placing her in smaller classes or with only the most qualified teachers, etc.
If you are worried about creating a document that shows that under your care she failed in school, my personal feeling would to try to put that fear aside. The legal people and counselors involved in your situation undoubtedly know that many kids hit a problem year or two in school, sometimes due to family/personal issues with the child and other times due to academic struggle. Hopefully most would agree that the responsible thing to do in the instances of a problem/challenging year (regardless of who gets “blamed”) is to simply have the child work a little longer at the grade level that she didn’t do well on….so that the most important thing is able to happen: having the child set up for success in the future and able to put the hard year behind her.
With prayers for peace in your situation,
Angie
I don’t have any advice to offer. I just wanted to say that you and your daughter will be in my prayers. I’m so sorry you are going through this. {{Hugs}}
Thank you both. That’s a good idea on how to handle these course descriptions. Thank you Melanie.
UPDATE: Well today, things hit the roof (again, but higher). My dd made false claims about her dad to her counselor, because he enforced consequences s upon her (a scenario I’ve dealt with multiple times and what lead to her stay at the facility). I was called and asked to take her back. I got to the counseling office, comfort my husband, and give my terms for her return, but she refuses to come back to our house.
We all (therapist, DEFACS worker, myself and son) agree that the accusations are completely false, but now it’s in motion and we will now have to deal with that. During this time we’re talking, she breaks her Sprite can and begins cutting herself (a bad/good thing) since it allows the therapist to call the sheriff and get her to the hospital and in mental intake.
So, that’s what happened and she will be going to another facility tonight and with my pushing and other stuff (psychologist, therapist, DEFACS, me, previous hospitalization) to get her in a long-term therapeutic center (anywhere from 3 mths, 6mths, 9 or a year). She will have academics there.
Please pray for this option to happen. It’s what I was pushing for the first time, but was interfered with by my dd’s manipulations of her dad and therapists, and insurance, of course. She should meet the “criteria” now.
Also, pray for her, me, my son, and my husband especially. I knew this was coming, I just didn’t know when and to what degree. The degree is horrendous; more than I expected. He is totally distraught (and that’s an understatement) over what she has done.
I still have to put together some type of year’s record for her, whatever happens. In the meantime, we’re supposed to be moving, too. Just too much…
I just read this and am so sorry you are going through this mess. I have no advice either but can pray for you to have wisdom and favor. HUGS
Wow, Rachel… May God give you the grace and strength you need to face what lies ahead. Praying for His peace that passes all understanding in these trying circumstances. Sending love and hugs your way tonight!
Your family is in my prayers this morning. My heart goes out to your daughter. The teen years are so hard in this day and age and I was a bit of a troubled teen myself once upon a time. I pray that she will turn to the Lord and know His great love for her and find in Him the peace that passes all understanding. {{Hugs and Love}}
Rachel, first of all, I have been on this forum for over 7 years now, so I have read many of your posts throughout your journey with your husband’s illness. I want you to know that I will continue to pray for you and your family. This is really tough on you, but I hope you have felt the arms of the Lord holding you through all of this.
I applaud your bravery in going against the norm and not divorcing your husband, even though you have been separated for quite awhile. I have been separated from my husband for over 10 years for many reasons (some similar to yours, although my husband’s illness is physical, but there was abuse in various forms against me and my children), but we have not divorced. He has only sought to divorce once but dropped that effort for financial reasons. It is hard to live as a single mom, and people don’t typically understand my reasons for not seeking a divorce. I have simply left it in the hands of God. He has provided for us.
In terms of your ongoing situation, I would definitely keep in contact with the HSLDA attorney and whatever other attorney you might have. HSLDA might step in should you seek to limit or terminate his parental rights so he cannot take your daughter from the facility she is in, especially since it involves educational neglect on his part (the way I see it).
As far as her academic records go, I would think if you provided a scope and sequence description for each class and then noted how far she had progressed through that, there would be some basis for understanding where she is with her coursework for any school that she might end up in. Then I would simply create a transcript for her middle school years that assigns a grade of I (Incomplete) for those courses she has not finished. Once August comes, you can either change those to F if you want, or if she ends up back at home with you and you can finish any of them early in the next school year, you could change those particular grades to the actual grade earned. (I hope I’m making sense.)
Blessings,
Sue
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