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OT: Does anyone have experience with OCD?
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I’m so extremely worried and frustrated with my 8 year old son, and am not sure where to turn-so I thought I’d start here just to see if anyone has any experience with this. Over the last few months, my son has developed a constant and continual need to ask these kinds of questions- “Is it bad to do such and such?” “Could I get arrested for doing this?” “Is it okay to do this?” “Is this inappropriate?” Examples range anywhere from shutting a door too hard, eating grapes before eating a sandwich-just really minute things. Despite reassurances, he will.not.stop. When I say continual, I mean literally every few minutes. He also will not answer a question with yes or no. It’s always, “I think so.” or “I’m not sure”. Even obvious yes or no questions. I don’t know what to do. I’m nervous about seeking medical help, because I feel like he’s too young to be medicated, and I wonder if it will make it worse if I force him to talk to a stranger about it. I can’t really tell if it’s true worry and anxiety, or if it started out that way, but snowballed into a habit. Any thoughts or suggestions?
My experience is with a special needs child with similar anxiety-type symptoms. My first question to you is did anything trigger this? Something even like an ear infection, illness, traumatic event…etc. Not that I have a solution it’s just something to think about and possibly share with doc if you head down that road. Sometimes I’ll probe a little farther than just answering the question. So if he asks you a “silly” question you can put it back on him and ask him what he thinks. It sounds like he could use some direction in thinking things through. Could you play a game with him and try to come up with scenarios together and see if you can both think them through out loud? Obviously stop if it makes it worse. I think with things like this it usually comes down to trial and error. One other thing to note is what he is doing while these questions come up..did he just finish watching tv/computer, is he going out, anything to note before/after his questions. I hope that helps some.
-Leslie
My son has some sensory issues. Almost 3 yrs ago, my boys and I went to house sit for my dh’s brother for a week. Now mind you, then and now, we travel a lot. And I have taken the boys places for the wkd w/out dad. But for some reason when we were ready to leave, my ds did not want to leave dad. He really broke down. So it took a little while before he was okay, but he got over it. When we got to the house he started being OCD about washing his hands. I mean literally wanting to wash them all.the.time.!! He couldn’t function because he thought he was going to die from germs. Where did this come from? Well he did read a book on the way about the body, but my ds is a very smart boy and at that time been reading for a long, long time everything. He knew about this kind of stuff. But for some reason, it really got to him this time and I think it had to do w/ leaving home.
I had plans that week for us to visit things around that area. And had to cancel them! He did not sleep but a few hrs a night. I tried praying over him, we prayed together, tried to get him outside, to watch movies/cartoons, something that would get his mind off of this obsession! He and I were basket cases! By the sixth day, we were finally able to go to a park. I thought I would have to take him to a doctor..right then and there.
Now since then and really before that time too, he has had a several OCD moments that can last 1-5 days. I told you of this one because it was THE WORST one of them all. He is getting older, so thankfully it is getting better.
Some of the other episodes have been, OCD about dying, about heart beat, about not being able to go to sleep, believing he is the worst boy, thinking about 1 thing over and over and not being able to get it out of his mind. Now I know a lot of people do these things..but when it is OCD it is a constant obsessive thing that one cannot let go of. And can literally make you sick. They will worry, fret, not be able to function to do other things.
I agree w/ maybe something triggered it, like us leaving dad. Or in other cases reading about something. Also, does your son show any signs of sensory issues?
We haven’t got any help for this. We have just tried to learn to deal w/ it.
I haven’t helped any, but wanted you to know I understand!
I’ve wondered myself if something could’ve triggered the problems. We did have one incident where we were meeting some family at a resturaunt. When we got inside, my sister asked where my son was. My heart dropped, and my husband raced out to the car-where he found my son, who hadn’t gotten out with the rest of us. He was crying and we aked him why he didn’t get out, and he really didn’t have an answer. He seemed fine after a few minutes, and the obsessive behavior didn’t appear until months and months after that. The only other thing I considered is his older brother had a very brief period where he wasn’t sure about his salvation. My younger son is somewhat reserved and shy and leans on his older brother quite a bit-and these behaviors were definetly closer to the hard time his brother went through. I just continually find myself at odds-if he needs professional help, I don’t want to deny him that, but I don’t want to make things any worse for him either. My husband says he can remember being compulsive when he was little-saying “amen” repeatedly, turning off the light repeatedly to make sure he got it right-but he said it passed and that he always figured it was related to his (very) traumatic childhood. Could it be a genetic thing that’s manifesting itself? It’s just very exhausting and emotional-I thank you for your replies so far-it’s a comforting feeling to have the understanding of others.
2flowerboys-You mentioned that he’s getting older, and it’s getting better. Do you think this is because he’s growing out of it or because of specific things you’ve done to help him deal with it? What things seemed to be the most effective? Distraction? Talking and praying? What made you decide against taking him to the dr? (sorry for so many questions…)
Leslie- I have tried turning his questions back to him-I’ll say, “Do you really think that’s bad?” He usually answers, “I don’t know, is it?” and we’ll go in circles. Sometimes, I’ll answer a “silly” question with a “silly” answer and he laughs and then moves on-this is what really confuses me as to whether or not he is really experiencing anxiety.
I don’t want to seem like I have a fix all answer for this problem, but @ 2flowerboys, I could have written this part of your post about my own 8 year old son… “Some of the other episodes have been, OCD about dying, about heart beat, about not being able to go to sleep, believing he is the worst boy, thinking about 1 thing over and over and not being able to get it out of his mind. Now I know a lot of people do these things..but when it is OCD it is a constant obsessive thing that one cannot let go of. And can literally make you sick. They will worry, fret, not be able to function to do other things.”
My pastor’s wife’s told me about a child in her extended family of whom this was also characteristic of. The child was in counseling and was about to go on meds until the mother discovered Dianne Craft and learned much about nutrition and psychological links. I took one part of advice from that conversation and started giving my son probiotics which I got at vitacost and within 3 days, he never mentioned any of this anxiety again. There has been no more crying about his heartbeat, fear of dying, not being able to sleep for worry, etc. It has been a life saver for both of us. I know all families are different and I don’t want to brand a one answer fits all on this complex issue. I just wanted to share what has worked for my son.
Hi Heather,
I had thought about food allergies triggering something in the brain. We were taken probiotics but have been off for a while until recently. We steer away from dyes, sodas, and a few other things. He eats a lot of raw veggies but he does LOVE his chocolate…just like his dad! Thanks for sharing!
@threekidsmom, yes I think it has to do w/ growing older. He is growing out of a lot of his sensory issues. And some he has just had to get over them himself. My dh is determined for him not to have issues. He said he had to get over a lot of stuff growing up himself w/ no help. I do and have tried to talk to ds way too much in the past. Trying to help him understand how if you are breathing and we have checked your heart you are fine. Or germs are everywhere, we wash when we eat, there are good germs and bad germs, you are most likely not going to die from this terrible bacteria that not many people get. I can talk, talk, talk him to death!! LOL In my mind, I think he is so smart, why can’t he get over this logically!!
My dh says I talk waaay too much! And for some reason dh can approach certain situations better than I can. I failed so many, many times. All those times it bothered dh that ds was saying and doing these things, so I handled it. Until the episode w/ saying he is such a bad person. After I had failed for hrs dealing w/ it, dh took him and asked him questions why? Do you do act like this…? some other questions I can’t remember. I was like, hey I thought I did those things already!!! But, I think I was probably TELLING him no, you are not so called bad. And well we ALL are bad in such and such way and none of us are perfect, only God etc.. After talking w/ dh for about 20 min he was fine.
So I think 1) For me,Don’t talk to much! LOL! 2)for some reason as close as we are, dad sometimes can make him “see” or understand something 3) he is getting older and growing out of it…although we still occasionally have something come up such as the other night..it only lasted for a few minutes..and I thought oh no here we go again.
My sister in-law’s son had/has sensory issues too. And she has had to deal with a few things he became obsessed over. He is 16 now, and is much better w/ things. I don’t think all sensory kids grow out it, but some do.
I think if the situation continues for days and days at a time, then I would get some help. I believe if the hand washing thing went one more day, I was going to get help!! I was crying so much during what was supposed to be a fun time! It hurt to see ds go through that and not be able to get through to him. By the time we left on the 7th day, he was fine.
Bless you, and I hope you can get some answers!
I wonder if you ask your question again with a different subject line if you’ll get more responses that it could just be normal behaviour. Definitely follow your gut, if you think something is “wrong” with him – Mom’s know their kids better than anyone, but I’ve had both of my girls go through something similar.
I’d say around age 6 both of my older girls have had some hyper-sensitivity to sin in their lives. My oldest would come to me in tears multiple times a day about some sin she’d committed and we’d pray about it (and sometimes they weren’t even sins) and I’d reassure her and praise her sensitive conscience and then encourage her to pray the next time by herself. We got to the point where I had to make her “save” all her confessions for the end of the day because she was driving me batty! Then at night she could confess whatever she wanted, but throughout the day I had taught her the steps to dealing with it on her own. I ALSO went through a phase like this when I was young, so I just felt it was normal and she’s a lot like me, so I wasn’t too surprised. She’s grown out of it now and sometimes I WISH she were more sensitive to her sin! This happened again with my second DD at about the same age – so now I just view it as normal, maybe just a coming of age type thing where they need reassurance and love and to be taught how to deal with it on their own for the most part. My oldest has also had trouble with indecisiveness and I did too at that age – I always wanted to do the “BEST” thing, which of course is subjective and both things might be equally good (going to the store with mom or staying home with dad).
So, you might want to reask your question with a different subject line, because I almost didn’t read your post sense I never considered myself to have had any experience with OCD, I just clicked on it because I had a few extra minutes and was curious what was going on over here, but other moms may not and they might have similar stories to tell without considering themselves to know anything about OCD. (and certainly improving diet could never hurt).
Blessings,
Rebekah
@Heather-Thank you so much for sharing that-I will look into that option for sure-and I’m so happy that it was effective for your son.
@2flowerboys-thank you also for your suggestions, those are helpful and gives me a place to start
@Rebekah-You make a compelling point, and I will consider another subject line. One of my fears of taking the professional route was that he’ll be slapped with a label and medicated, and I didn’t even realize that I’ve sort of labeled him myself. I guess I used the OCD term, because I couldn’t really think of any other way to describe it. Your experience with your daughters really reminds me of my older son. He went through a phase where he was very sensitive to doing something wrong, and continually and tearfully wanted to “confess” things to me. Through prayer together and talking him through each time, it would appear that he has moved past that issue. My younger son though, has a totally different feel, and it’s not just several times a day, it’s several times within a 5-10 minute period all.day.long. It started around the time my older son was going through his phase though-and this makes me wonder if it’s a “real thing” or just a habit. He is fairly dependent on his older brother and I wonder if watching him go through uncertainty, caused some in him as well? Some of the things he asks me are the same things his older brother did-he’s just very repetitive. Anyway, thank you for your insight.
We have experienced most of what was written here and a bit more too with our oldest daughter. She’s reaching her early teens now and it is much, much better but this *whatever it is* is still around. Lurking. We are able to laugh now at where it might pop out next! But not a full belly laugh mind you. Just a giggle of relief because we’ve been at this a little longer and have learned how to handle it a little better.
I’d list all the ways and hows of our situation but I think it is so personal that I just can’t. Plus it would take forever and I’d be explaining our whole lives and no one would read the post! Knowing your child is important. Finding what works in your lives is the way to go. It just won’t be what works for everyone or anyone eles. Diet is great – whole foods, no junk, no fake food, water, exercise. Openess and talking are great. PRAYER is just the cats pjs!
You can google the DMSV definition of OCD to know what it really is or entails behavior wise. I can’t read those descriptions …. I’m one of those people who read about something and instantly have ALL the symtoms!
IMHO we all have some label that could be applied to us. But I strongly disagree with the trend to do so. Or at least if we must to use a pencil to write the label so that it can be erased when things change! But that is for a whole different/long post on another day!
We did finally take her to see a doctor (she was probably only 5/6) when we just couldn’t take it any more and we started feeling like we were missing an opportunity to do something that might help her. He was smart, gentle and non-alarmist about the whole thing. He asked some questions about her early childhood (potty training experience, general temperment, nursing history) and he listen to why we had come in, then he said: YEP, SHE IS TOTALLY FINE. And I reacted by saying WHAT?! THIS CAN NOT BE FINE. WAIT, I’VE GOT MORE EXAMPLES. He smiled. He explained a lot to us that afternoon and we never went back again. Although he offered to see us if we felt we needed it or if we wanted to.
You do not have to do medications. You can see a doctor and make it clear you are not interested in medications. That’s an option if it will help ease your mind or give you new tools. I think that was all it did for us. Just let us know there was no emergency and that no one was in dire trouble.
My daughter is amazing! A very creative, intense, artistic, curious, stubborn personality. Very in tune with the world around her and what I’ve always heard described down South as “an old soul” even from birth. All that blessing has helped me stay calm and keep going when something comes up. Even when i think I’ll need medications by the end of it! Anxiety/OCD is a terrible thing to feel at any age. God’s grace and our faith in Him is a wonderful tool in our parenting toolbox.
My prayers are with you and I just wanted to share my personal story in hopes you feel less alone in this struggle.
I think I really misread your question. I am so sorry that I rambled on about OCD! Hopefully, someone else will glean from my long post!!
BTW, my son is just like your daughter, Claire!
Thank you all so much for your responses! I’m feeling much more encouraged about the situation now, and you’ve given me some direction and suggestions that I can start with instead of feeling hopeless and lost. I am so grateful.
I know this thread is older, but I just wanted to pop back on and give you a quick update.
For Heather especially-after you shared about the probiotics idea, I happened to have a conversation with a family member of mine who is currently in law school. He mentioned that around finals time, he always takes probiotics to help with his stress levels. I started my son on them a few weeks ago, and I have to say his anxious questions have dropped significantly. What used to be a continual constant is now just an occasional. Anyway, I appreciated all the encouragement and suggestions..
We struggle with the obsessive questions also. Just a thought: If anyone’s child seems to have a sudden onset of OCD type symptoms or if they have times that are relatively better than others, google P.A.N.D.A.S. It stands for Pediatric Auto-immune Neurological, something-something I forget. But my son was diagnosed (by me) at 2, and then by a neuro at 5. It is an antibody reaction to strep bacteria where the childs immune system mistakes protiens in the Amagdala (or Basal Ganglia, I forget)…brain tissue, for the protiens that are on the strep and it attacks itself. The NIH is finally doing studies on it. Or you could youtube P.A.N.D.A.S and OCD and some great videos come up if youre more of a video person. Blessings for all of you 🙂
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