Obviously I don't know what I'm doing

Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • November 14, 2011 at 3:42 pm
    suzukimom
    Participant

    while she [a mother] who lets their habits take care of themselves has a weary life of endless friction with the children. All day she is crying out, ‘Do this!’ and they do it not; ‘Do that!’ and they do the other” (Vol. 1, pp. 135, 136).

    I have been trying to instill good habits in my children since my oldest was 3 or 4… so about 5 years.  I am obviously doing things wrong, as I and my children fit CM’s description above.

    I am so worn out that I don’t think I have the effort to try any more (not like there is a choice).  

    November 14, 2011 at 4:06 pm
    dmccall3
    Participant

    {hugs}

    I’m sorry! What a hard thing disciplining our children is! I have been trying to learn a lot in this area lately. I have quite a stubborn 3.5 year old son! What I have found to help has been:

    Unemotional, matter-of-fact speech (as opposed to sounding mad, impatient, frustrated)

    Consistency

    Follow-through

    Positive reinforcement

    A book that has helped me is, “Have a New Kid by Friday” by Kevin Leman. I don’t agree with 100% of it but applying the principles of stepping up as the parent along with those I listed above has been wonderful. The basic premise is to use natural and logical consEquences. I can’t tell you how different life is here for us these days! Not perfect, of course, but a ton better. I don’t know the last time I cried because of the disharmony in the home and it used to be a daily event.

    I pray the Lord gives you “wisdom and patience in parenting” (what I pray for every day)!

    Blessings,

    Dana

    November 14, 2011 at 7:18 pm
    Sue
    Participant

    Sometimes I feel as though I am too weary to keep consistency in my habit-training and methods of discipline.  And I pay the price, as my children and I could be poster children for Miss Mason’s quote above!  I second the book by Kevin Leman.  It has worked to a degree, but I have not followed through 100% of the time yet, and so we are not reaping the benefits we could be.  This weekend, I ended up in my room, covering my ears to keep out the noise of my children’s arguing and yelling, and heaving great sobs of despair.  I realized that, even though they were being disobedient and disrespectful, I had not dealt with it properly.

    I do not want this to be the norm for the remainder of their growing-up years, so I am glad that God’s mercies are new every morning.  It gives me the strength and determination to try again.  Another helpful thing has been memorizing and reminding myself of Proverbs 17:27.  It talks about having knowledge and sparing your words (I lecture too much, with no results) and having understanding with a calm spirit (I feel better–physically and emotionally–when I ask for God’s wisdom; then I remain more calm).

    November 14, 2011 at 7:49 pm
    simple home
    Member

    Take heart Susukimom, we are all in the same boat! Our children are weak, and so are we. But through these weaknesses we must trust that God is working His purpose.

    Here is a quote from Nancy Wilson’s Femina blog that I hope can encourage you. I know I need all the encouraging words that I can get because I struggle too…

    “God does everything the opposite way of what we think. At the end of the day, it’s not prestige and a paycheck that rise up to call you blessed. Those things burn up. The things that last, the eternal things, have fat faces and messy hands.”

    Hang in there, pray, and seek encouraging resources and books to fire you up! This forum is a great place for that. 🙂

    November 14, 2011 at 8:11 pm
    Misty
    Participant

    I feel with you.  I am constantly saying those words.  I try to be patient, and I really do.  But then I say why God do you have eveyrone fighting/bickering/yelling at the same time, you know I get fustrated/stressed/overwhelmed.  And then I can’t discipline, I just do the same back.  Can you believe I just wrote that.  I’m ashamed.  But it’s the truth.

    You are not alone.  Sorry today is a rough one, hopefully tomorrow will be better or even better this afternoon.  I have no good words of wisdom.  Books?  Well I have read this one mentioned, and many others. Non has really hit a cord with me, or made me have my “ah-ha” moment.  They all sounds great but how to apply, what is good and what isn’t.  Its to much.  I like simple.  But God’s idea of simple and mine are very differnt.

    I just PRAY a lot, ask for a LOT of patience and HOPE for a good “xyz”.  And then do it all again in a few minutes.  Love  Misty

    November 15, 2011 at 1:28 am
    suzukimom
    Participant

    Thanks everyone – it wasn’t that today was being a particularily bad day or anything…. I am just worn out from it being constantly a problem.

    Today I actually decided to tackle the girls’ bedroom, as it was making me mad everytime I went by it.   I did some thinking, because most of our school is family based, so not very independant.  I didn’t want them to not do school to clean up the room (and it was past having them help me clean it….  it would have just got me frustrated with them.)

    So – with some thought….  we did

    handwriting – I helped them with the new letters, set the timer for them to do the practice page, and I did a bit of work….

    foreign language – I setup the First Step Auf Deutsch video and let them watch it.., while I did some cleaning

    math – I got them to play “Go to the Dump” from RS for a math game day instead of doing a lesson

    devotion – just did scripture mastery today

    Science – had them watch a video from the Periodic Table of Videos website

    Reading – had them pick a book to read to themselves or to the baby

    PE – turned on Wii Active Life Explorers and let them run/jump/etc like crazy.

    occasionally Delta (boy – 8) or Echo (girl – 5) came and helped clean for a bit.

    Their room is clean, school was done (although different from normal) and I am feeling a bit more sane.  Now to try to get some orderliness habits going.   Maybe tomorrow I’ll do it again, and do my son’s.  It drives me crazy every time I see it too….. but it is on a different floor so I don’t see it as often.

     

     

    November 15, 2011 at 2:50 am
    simple home
    Member

    This may be of help for getting a cleaning routine established that actually works….

    After a few trial runs, I think I found my family’s best routine yet. It’s very simple: on their chore assignments, I have it categorized morning and then evening. For their evening category, ‘Cleaning rooms’ is to be done either before supper or directly after supper before playing. If there is one child that doesn’t get busy with this chore when it’s time, then they have to do it all by themselves without siblings’ help.

    It is sooo nice to go to bed with clean rooms and wake up the next day for fresh playtime.I don’t worry about their rooms during the day anymore because I KNOW it will get cleaned later in the day. Easy peasy. 🙂

Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
  • The topic ‘Obviously I don't know what I'm doing’ is closed to new replies.