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obedience or forgetfullness or something else?
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Anyone have any thoughts or ways to know if a child is just disobeying, being forgetfull or something else.
I have many who need to work on this and I think it’s a bit of both. But I’m thinking right now on my 13ds. He can’t remember to do anything to the end. Forgets to finish something or doesn’t do it at all.
Example: get home from shooting at the archery range, mom says take your bow out and put the stroller back in. Bow comes out stroller never gets put in. Next: Go close the garage doors, one gets closed the other does not. Just a lot of that stuff.
He’s 13 I think I should be able to very easily ask him to do MORE than 1 thing and do it right, or am I just expecting to much? Please help.
Thanks Misty
Misty has he always been this way? Or is it more recently that he has become forgetful? I’m thinking of the effect of all the hormones of puberty … I know that at about 13 my oldest (who had always been VERY reliable) all of a sudden became much less able to remember anything.
ETA that now, at 14, he is still very forgetful…
You should be able to ask him at least 2 things and have him remember I would think. I don’t however, think it is disobedience, but more likely to be a habit of inattention to what mom is saying. He hears you tell him “take the bow out of the van” and stops listening. He’s already thinking about where the bow needs to go and then what he’ll do when he gets in the house and probably, being a teen boy, what he’ll eat next.
I would try focusing on attention first. And I have to ask because I know I’M guilty of this – are you stopping what you’re doing and looking in his eyes when you tell him to do something? Or are you saying it over your shoulder as you get a baby out of the carseat and he’s climbing out of his seat? I so often forget I must be sure I have my child’s attention before I start giving directions, especially with one of my children, but a good bit with a few of them. I have one child who you can literally see their eyes start wandering and I have to keep my words short/concise, and make sure they’re looking at me.
Looking over my should, from another room, between 7 children yep pretty much LOL
OK so get attention 1st thing!
He has gotten more forgetfull lately. So maybe a puberty thing, but if so I don’t want it to go unchecked if you know what I mean. So how do I make sure we are not going down a bad habit road or keep it from going that way?
What if you have him repeat the directions back to you and get him to tell you how many things he is fixing to do? My husband does this when he is running to the store for a few things. Instead of writing a small list he will mentally say “coffee, toothpaste, bread – okay, 3 things”
If your son tells back to you what you want from him then you know he has listened and knows what you want, and maybe if he knows “how many things” he is supposed to do he won’t lose track after doing the first thing.
My 9YO is exactly like that. It frustrates my DH so much. I don’t have an answer for it, though. It’s comforting to see he’s not the only one. We jokingly call him our “absent-minded professor”. He’s so, so bright but he is SO forgetful.
Our dd has an auditory processing disorder and is frequently forgetful. We were told to use the following info and found it very helpful: Get his attention, make eye contact, small simple steps (but not more than 3) have him repeat back to you. If it keeps being a problem, work out some sort of silent signal that you can use to signal that it is very important to pay attention. It has helped some of our frustrations with this issue. You all are scaring me about the puberty thing!!! LOL =)
I use “There is something in the garage that I asked you to do….” or “Can you look in the bathroom and see what is not done…” so that they start to respond to seeing things that need to be done and that being the trigger for taking care of things rather than responding only to my direct questions. I now can shorten it to “Kitchen…” or even just look and point to a room. Remembering back to my brother as a teenager, yikes! Not a picture of remembering anything other than making sure he had enough food inside him! He is now a married adult, holds a real job, is attending college while working, and owns his home. Is he as responsible as his wife? Probably not! But he is a real grown up, it just took him a few years longer than it did my sister and I! Keep on top of it but my guess would be a combination of attention and maturity.
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