Motivation

We are doing a monthly “prize” if we reach our number of days goal. August it was going out for ice cream. September’s is making caramel apples. I don’t know what October will be. The trick for us is to find something cheap, something we can do/have as a family, and something all the girls want.

In the past, I’ve done a “game” similar to CandyLand – homemade, on the bulletin board. And each day, after each subject  was completed, they’d roll a die, move their game piece, draw a card from the pile of cards that was the color of the square they landed on. It said things like “ask mom for a quarter, give dad a hug, give mom a hug, go pet the dogs, get a piece of candy.” I did have some things in the cards like doman extra math lesson or run around the house three times, too. When they rewched the end of the game board, they got $1 and started over again. My younger girls really enjoyed that game.

Last year, we tried to do a prize every 30 days of school, and that was too spread out for us! So that’s why I went with monthly goals this year.

My oldest dd is the problem right now – she just isn’t motivated! The goal for Aug. was to get 20 days of school done. The prize was going out for ice cream.  The younger three girls worked really hard and met the goal. My oldest procrastinated and didn’t meet the goal (she’s still on day 17 of school).

She does have a heavier work load than everyone else, but my husband and I both think that what I’m asking her to accomplish is doable.

So, I’m following this thread just in bopes of gleaning some insight.

Charlotte felt that children should be motivated by curiosity and love rather than rewards and grades. She felt that the reward for learning was knowledge itself. In her books she tells of laying the feast before them and them falling in love with the books and characters.

I highly recommend to all moms that they read Charlotte’s own works to really get a grasp of her methods. I can testify that if you trust her methods and trust the process over the long haul, then your children will love to learn and will never need trinkets, prizes, or rewards.

^^^How things have changed since this was written. Children today do NOT have an unlimited ability to pay attention.

I’m just not sure how to apply that to our present-day lives.  We live in a culture steeped in rewards.  Even though I don’t want to have to give out rewards (bribes), everyone else does.  (Sunday School teachers, etc.)  My girls hear about it from their friends, family, etc…..so my girls “need” rewards too.  (Or so we think.)

And I LOVE prizes! I enjoy working towards a goal, meeting the goal, and then getting the thing that I’ve been wanting.  (a cup of coffee after drinking four cups of water; a piece of chocolate after washing a sinkful of dishes; a chance to sit and read MY book for a little, after getting everyone else upstairs and in bed)

To not reward children who’ve been raised with rewards (regardless of size or monetary value or frequency) and then withdraw the rewards doesn’t seem right.  Explaining it doesn’t make the hurt go away. Explaining it doesn’t automatically ensure that they will work for the joy of learning.

Depending on the personality of the child, they might not ever get addicted to the joy of learning.  I was always motivated by grades.  I love checking off lists and “accomplishing” things. Now that I’m a (mature-ish *L*) adult, I have found  joy in just learning for fun.  Nerdy joy *L*.  I still need a list to check off.  Or a list of the books I’ve read so that I can try to beat my previous year’s record.

My children do attend to their family-together lessons.  Three of them will work on their independent lessons without too much interference from me.

One of them has developed a large procrastination muscle.  NO prize seems enough to motivate her.  She’d rather be outside daydreaming or feeding calves (it’s not that she doesn’t like to work – she is quite the farm worker), but she putzes terribly at housework and at school work.  No consequence seems to make a difference (the standards: no screens, no talking on the phone, no dessert, no fun books, etc.).

When she decides she wants to do her school work, she does.  And if she doesn’t want to, she procrastinates, stalls, etc.  (All quietly – very rare is the emotional outburst or tears.)  For chores, she does them without complaint (but sometimes rather sloppily — which she has learned means a re-do, but still hasn’t learned to do it right the first time in every instance).

So what is there to do for that child? She’s my oldest, is a careful older sister (she sees danger before the younger ones do), is a fabulous uni-loader driver, she’s 12.  She has a heart for young children, loves reading aloud to toddlers and littles, wants to help out in younger Sunday School classes, and in Good News Club.  She’s sensitive to God speaking in her life (about everything except school *L*). She reads her Bible, memorizes verses without being asked to or told to.

I don’t know.  This was awfully rambly.  But I’m still not sure how to motivate people.  I’ve always been terrible at motivating students, even as a private piano teacher.  I have “fired” several piano students! *L*

I guess I feel like I’m motivated to do something, why can’t you motivate your self? If a student doesn’t want to practice, if getting a sticker on the page isn’t working, if the parent nagging isn’t working, what else is there to do? If me telling the student that they need to practice more, that it’s a waste of their parents’ money and time and of my time isn’t enough to make the student practice, then I don’t need to tie up my time with that student.  I can fill that time with another student. I just don’t know.

(and still she rambled on….. *red-faced* :))

2Corin57, I believe that Charlotte would say that every child has the possibility for attention up to their ability when considering medical or biological problems. She said that we need to challenge them without overwhelming them. Our expectations need to be appropriate for sure!

I was understanding by the OP that mom felt the child was capable of what she was asking but that the child just was not doing things for the right reasons. If we are not having too high of expectations and truly believe the child can handle what we’re asking then I believe that most often society has trained them in the habit of expecting a reward or prize for their behavior. IMHO it is our job as parents to retrain those habits.

Sorry if I misunderstood.

Following this, as I have a similar problem with one child, especially when it comes to work – school or chores.

I have tried several rewards systems and they seem to work okay at first, but do not last long (motivating).  I think Waynesweakervessel may be on to something here.  Maybe she needs to set a goal/reward instead of me setting it.  She is easily distracted too, though.

I am currently experimenting with Vicky Bentley’s Everyday Family Chore System.  It involves a system of clear expectations, a visual reminder, inspection (by mom), rewards, and consequences.