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Maybe I'm burnt out
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Maybe I’m just burnt out right now.
I am tired with having to make my kids do things. Time for school! Stomp, stomp, stomp… refusal to do stuff… so my son has to go and sit and do nothing while I work with my daughter… once she is done, he is finally agreeable to do his work.
It just seems like no matter what it is, I am getting stomps, whining, work 1/2 done, stuff undone, and I don’t want to deal with it anymore. I ask someone to do something… taking their plates off the table. Something they supposedly have been doing for years… and I’m having to remind them. And then if I’m not watching carefully, it doesn’t get put into the dishwasher… so I have to make them come back and do it again. I can’t follow all 3 of them around making sure they are doing what they asked.
Violin practicing is suffering, homeschool is suffering, rooms are suffering, chores are suffering… because I just don’t have the energy to make them do it anymore. And I know that this is just making them “win” (not really… but they surely feel that they are) and I’m sure makes it worse.
I tried the practicing 5 times making the bed if they didn’t make the bed in the morning… but I got sick of supervising 15 makings of the bed each day (3 kids times 5)….
So, I know it is a combination of Heart training, and habit training, including my habits.
We tried Accountable Kids… and it just didn’t work after a while.
My husband just says that this is how kids are… but I don’t think they HAVE to be that way…. I just seem powerless to train them… Some habits we have worked on for years, and I’m just sick of it.
Surely something mus work, other than them growing up and moving out and having their own house to keep….
This is my house today! I also have a migraine today and that just made it worse–my yelling didn’t help!
I wish I had the answer. I had my 9 yr old daughter scrubbing floors on hands and knees today and then she has to do every dish in the house for 2 days. Still she thinks everything’s debatable!!! I suppose I taught her (them) that, but now I know better. Boy, I wish I had known then what I know now. Now she’s been in her bet since 6:00, and still it’s “all my fault” because I’m so “mean” and I “don’t care” about her feelings either.
All I know is that the more work we put in now, the better it will get. It just wears me out before I get to the better part!!
I so hear the tiredness of it all…every single night at bedtime my 11 yo throws the biggest hissy fits over brushing her teeth and going to bed. It doesn’t matter what time it is, how tired she is, what a great day we had (or terrible) and then it drags over into the not reading in bed, or whatever. Sometimes I just want to sit on her. =) (i wouldn’t of course!) The only thing that I can say is I’s sorry you’re so tired and worn out. Have you tried to get away for a morning or evening with out the kids? I find that a few hours can really help.
Also, did you see Sue’s response to the Chores and Attitudes post from this morning? I thought it was great – I printed it and plan on hanging it on my cupboard to remind me what I am doing. Maybe it will help my urge to yell or give up???
Alright, this must be a God thing, because within the last 30 minutes, at least 4 of us have had the same experience. My kids are all outside now because I just couldn’t handle it all inside anymore today. HOW DO WE DO THIS? Our oldest is 8 and, boy howdie, if she can’t throw a knock down, drag out fit to rival the feistiest of toddlers, I don’t know who can. And it’s about all the things ya’ll have listed as well. The most frustrating part is that, obviously, we’re not neglectful parents! We spend time training, and teaching, and praying, and trying to motivate, but there are days when it seems as though these children are aliens in our house, and have never met us or been introduced to the “rules” before. Maybe we need stronger coffee? Anyway, I’m so thankful that this wasn’t just MY house today. Must be in the air…
I read Sue’s response today, even commented on it. The scariest part about trying out that system, is that I can see blowing it real soon in the game because I’m so fed up. SO, ladies, how do we fix ourselves? Question of the day…
I’ll be happy to see some responses to our “so-irritated-we-can’t-see-straight” issues today.
Here’s hugs and prayers for ALL of us!
Lindsey
HA HA! I feel the same way! For some odd reason, my kids are forgetting to do things that they have normally done. Such as clean up after they eat. Put some things away. And other things! I am like, Why do I have to tell you to do these things? You have been doing them for a while! Now you have forgotton?
Something must be in the air??!! Or maybe it is just Spring Fever! My son was so upset tonight about things he should have been doing but didn’t. At least he finally felt bad about it! But does that mean he will remember tomorrow?
Throw them all outside! LOL!
I have to say, I (and my husband, btw) feel much better having “chatted” about this with you ladies. Ya know, this IS my homeschool group right now, and I’m so thankful for all of you. My husband just said “I’m glad you have them, I just wish you could physically get together!” (Yes, yes, he’s a good man…) So I think there should be future plans for a SCM Forum Retreat. Just a thought! I’d love to meet you all, and give you hugs for being my support. You’re all awesome :o)
Lindsey
Yep. I agree, “Throw them all outside!” I think some of it’s Spring Fever. My oldest gets me; “Mom, it’s beautiful outside, aren’t we supposed to spend hours outside?” Sometimes we all need to put it aside. Drink a cup of tea while they’re outside, pray, listen to music and refresh yourself. You all might be ready again. It’s obviously happened here!
Well, right now I’m hearing the “It’s spring fever”…. earlier this year it was “cabin fever” (maybe part of the same thing? stuck inside for months… now they can get out?
Yeah, I didn’t bother to try to do violin practice and the kids spent hours outside today…. But my son (and I suspect his teacher) really wants to finish Book 1 of Suzuki by the end of this year, so he will be with the book 2 students next year… and my daughter wants to be another song or two along so she will be sure to be in the book “1B” class next year instead of the Beginners and book 1A class again…. and if they are going to do that, they really need to get practicing… expecially my son who has to polish Minuet 3, memorize Happy Farmer, and Learn Gavotte in a little more than a month!
Mine have spent the last few days/weeks outside – you’d think that bedtime wouldn’t be such a big deal! =) I’m tired by now. =) Anyway, I was laughing to myself just now, on the rare night like tonight, she only threw half a fit because I am letting her read her leisure book, which I put on the organizer just so I wouldn’t forget to count the time spent in it. She thinks it is an assignment so she was putting it away while sighing that it was in the best part. She thinks she’s getting a treat and I am getting peace and quiet…. ahhhhhhh! I did remind her that she is free to read as much as she wants.
They made me smile today. I checked out a bunch of books on Egypt to go with module one, I have them reading them as additional history assignments. I gave one to my 10yo dd to start. My 11 yo dd saw it and read to herself and then to the family last night. Then they were reading it again today. Just before dinner they were playing that one of them was Pharaoh and one was the servant and making up all kinds of storylines. (They know about God and aren’t doing the false god thing)…We just started mod. 1 – if they keep this up we’re skipping to mod 2 and finding another book =) They’ll teach each other so much. How fun is that??
Suzukimom – I am so impressed by your perserverance with the music! What an incredible gift to give your children – and think of what satisfaction they are getting out of it. You just mentioned that they are learning to set goals for themselves – what a blessing that will be someday when they wake up and realize that their ‘Mom rock” isn’t there to remind them of all the things they need to do. They’ll have that foundation to build on. You’re gonna make it! =)
Anyway, just wanted to say that you are my support group now too and appreciate the encouragement and support that I feel and see everytime I read. It is amazing to me and such a help!
I know this won’t resonate with everyone on the board, but it might make sense for some of us.
If you have read any of the news items in past months concerning parental rights, you certainly know that the family is under attack. Of course, that is really nothing recent; the family unit has been under attack since the evil one took the form of a slithering animal and used deceptive tactics to tear down the good relationship Adam and Eve had been building up.
Now, I think it’s fair to say that those of us who choose to homeschool have a very high regard for families and what they mean to society. Many of us base our decision to homeschool, at least in part, on matters of faith. If our faith is so strong and of eternal importance to us, that same evil one that went after the first family on earth will certainly declare war on us….and not just homeschool families, but all families that are trying to put God first.
We are, in a sense, building a traveling temple of God as we raise our families–a temple that can go out into the world and carry what we believe to others. We parents are not perfect, nor was King David (but, boy–could he repent with a song!); yet, his heart’s desire was to build a temple for God. The Lord honored that desire, but the building project was passed on to Solomon–another imperfect vessel. The resulting effort was a beautiful temple, but we read in 2 Chronicles of all the time and effort it took to build it.
So what did Solomon do next? He dedicated this temple….because he knew that even though the building was completed, the people of Israel needed to know that God was invited to dwell there. And his prayers indicate that he knew that God’s glory and presence would outshine anything that was a part of the physical building itself.
As I read these posts (and saw a lot of my family in them), I felt drawn to 2 Chronicles 7:14, which you can read here. In it, God reminds Solomon that if we pray to Him with humility and repent of those nasty, sinful things we do, He will listen, forgive, and heal our land. For us homeschooling moms, our “land” is our family, our home.
I simply felt like writing all of this to suggest that when things seem to be just too frustrating and our “land” is not producing the crops we’d like, it might be good to take a period of time (an hour? a day?) and encourage “our people” to humble themselves in prayer. The beds will be there to make tomorrow, the lessons left waiting to be done will not keep our kids out of college, and a very simple meal will free up more time for prayer and worship. And, the evil one will be so aggravated (which is an almost delightful, smirk-producing thought).
There is a reason Sonya entitled her book, “Smooth and Easy Days” and not “A Smooth and Easy Life.” The process is ongoing, and seeing the fruit takes time and can be seasonal. Retooling through prayer is one of the best ways I know of keeping the process going.
Oh do I feel your pain! For us, we had a grandparent living with us after an accident.. things have gone progressively downhill from there as abiding by our normal schedule and rules were tougher when a loving relative would interject with “But…” or “He didnt mean to..” or “Oh, don’t fuss with them..” Um.. yeah, not so much.
The problem is, I’m aware that I am reaping the fruit that I planted. So I’m taking five steps backwards and updating our “If Then styled chart” which is basically where I list the offence {all forms of it}, list heart probing questions for the offence {to make the child stop and think}, scripture to back up why the offence is wrong. Verses to encourage them in the correct attitude/behaviour, & finally the consequences of their poor choices.
I’m equally aware that once I finish the chart {no later then this weekend, sooner I hope} that dh and I will have to follow it through. I think it will be “tough” at first, but we’ll slip right back into our normal happy home and we will be so much more grateful for it. 🙂
If you’re okay with a Christian perspective I’d highly recommend the book Don’t Make Me Count To Three by Ginger Plowman. It’s a terrific book and is always so refreshing to read. In the mean time hugs and consoling thoughts to you..
Oh, and did anyone here ever read the little blog post/article by Journey Into Unschooling? Yep, it was about a 6 week Homeschool Bootcamp. I don’t know if she really did it or not, but the idea was taking 6 weeks off of normal studies in order to get attitudes back inline. Not sure of the exact address, but bet a quick google would bring it up. 😀
You are NOT alone. I have 6 to follow after and I just don’t think I should have to with a 12 & 11 yr old. AHHH, what I have taught or not taught them? How do we get back on track? I get to the point I either do it my self, yell or just plan forget about it.
Just wanted to share you are not alone we are all in this together so here’s my hug {{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}} Misty
Sue, I thought your post was beautiful and came right from the heart of God. It really helped re-orient my thinking this morning. You are absolutely right. I think I will take your advice, make a simple dinner tonight and spend the evening abiding with the Lord. My husband has a class tonight, so I will have some quiet time to myself. I know when I go back to the Lord and find my strength and encouragement there, that I will be truly lifted up. thanks for the reminder. You have a lovely and mature spirit.
Hugs to you! We all can relate in one way or another! Keep praying as God will you grace and the joy you need to press on, and give new inspiration along the way. You can do it, through HIM. Blessings to you and your family!
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