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Masterly Inactivity vs. Raising Godly Tomatoes
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I’m trying to decide which of these to read/apply (first?). Those of you who have read both…are they compatible or rather opposite in approach? I’m intrigued and will probably read both this year…but trying to decide which will benefit me most/first to start with. Kids are 1,4, and 6 (and three more older ones). Would love to hear your thoughts!
Masterly inactivity is when a parent steps back and allows the child the freedom to play within boundaries.
I haven’t read the Raising Tomatoes book (but which I understand is teaching your children obedience and family rules in a specific way) – but my thoughts are that if you take the time to train your children the rules and expectations, then masterly inactivity will be sweeter for you to enjoy because your kids will know the rules and you won’t have to interfere with their interests in the afternoon when they are pursuing them.
Masterly inactivity in my home is when the kids are being creative in their play and learning from it – like making sheet forts with the chairs and sheets. They can do it, they learn from it, but they also have to clean it up and put it away. Another thing is when they have an interest in something, say like stop motion animation (see the other thread) and you allow them to pursue it to their hearts content within the boundries you set (time limits, mess, chores or school work done prior to), etc. Those are the coolest masterly inactivity days!
So with that in mind, I’d start with habit training.
From the intorduction of Masterly Inactive: “Both words-Masterly Inactivity-are important. You must have control of your children and have your authority in place first (masterly) before you can practice wise passiveness (inactivity) in allowing them breathing room-room to explore, learn, and grow within your boundries.”
You need good discipline to set the bounderies that your children will stay in. Once they are in place you can let them have some freedom within the bounderies you have set.
Thanks for the input. It looks to me like RGT has some good “how-to” on training in the area of authority and maybe beyond. So, I think I’ll start there and then ove on to a more methodical appication of Laying Down the Rails than I’ve done in the past. Now I just need to decide on the priorities/specific areas of focus so I don’t smother them in the process. Anyone else struggle with that??!
The main point in RGT is to get your children to be obedient in all things. When your child will do as you ask, you can focus more on the habits slowly so as not to overwhelm them. But getting ones child to listen and do as told when asked takes some time. I followed RGT loosley 2-3 years ago and am now at the freedom within boundries and habit training phase. I still have to work on obediance from time to time as my children test thier limits, but once I make a correction and am firm (but loving) they understand that the bounderies are still in place.
From RGT: “When we start with just one thing, we don’t have to do much else. What could be more simple? Once your child understands obediance, everything else is pretty much taken care of. Henceforth, you can simply ask him to come to you and he will. You can ask him to pick up his toys and he will. You can ask him to get ready for bed and he will.”
Love it. My grandpa told us years ago when our first was born, “Let your yea be yea, and your nay, nay.” Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? So simple, but best advice we’ve ever been given. However, I’ve still floundered in the “how” b/c I have no real role models. I don’t personally know anyone that I can have any regular contact with that is really trying to apply this. So, I was so glad to find mention of RGT here. I feel like it’s the missing link for me. The practical “how-to” I’ve been missing.
Isn’t it funny how the simplest things can be the hardes to implement? My biggest problem was, and occasionally still is, consistancy. You really have to correct them EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. In RGT she does give some great example of how to deal with various situations, describing what exactly she did.
Okay, needing a little specific help with implementing RGT. All RGT veterans are invited and encouraged to chime in. Ruth? Christie? Lindsey? Misty? Suzukimom?
We will be “starting later” with our two dds, 9 and 6. Should I start with one and then focus on the other after things are stabilized with the first? Which would you start with? Or can/should I handle them both together? Should we (dh and I) introduce our new reality with a family conference or just jump in? Any other tips?
This is going to be major boot camp for all of us, especially mom. I want to make sure I’m heading in with a clear idea of steps involved and the best chance for success, even if it takes all summer. Or longer, heaven forbid.
But I am in it to win it! 🙂
TIA, gals.
Jenni
Jenni – I had to laugh cause we just talked to the kids last night about their behavior and about going back to full ‘tomato stacking’ if things don’t improve and STAY improved before Sunday. Things are shapping up but we’ll see. I go in all the way. I never did just one cause it was hard to tell one this is not ok but the others where doing it also. All for one and one for all around here. I would just pick one main thing to work on and the other things were still dealt with just not with as much indepthness to it. If that makes sense. Spring I think is bringing things out in us that we all need to clean out Not just with our kids but with ourselves. So many are saying they are leaving. I wonder about that also. But I am hoping I can just reprioritize things and set limits for myself. If not I guess I will take a break also. But for now I’m ok. Good luck, consistent, happy obedience that’s the ticket to a happy family isn’t it? Or at least it’s a good start. Prayers
Jenni, I would do both at the same time and know going in that it will be hard. With older kids, ESP I would talk with them about what you will expect going forward.
Can anyone recommend any resources for much older kids? Say 10, 12 and 14? I’ve read her book and visited her site but I never can get a grip on the older kiddos.
For the older kids you might want to try Kevin Lehman’s book – Have a New Kid by Friday. He has a more hands off approach than Raising Godly Tomatoes, but I think it would probably be pretty effective with kids your age. I like RGT A LOT and think it’s a fabulous way to get the littles under control, but will probably go more with his approach as my kids reach their teens.
Rebekahy – I don’t know that book, but will check it out. I like having a varity of tools in my parenting tool belt.
I read over the first 3 chapters this morning and had many “Ah ha” moments. I tried some things today with my dc but did not do any tomato staking really yet. It was very helpful so far. I had the same questions as Jenni. My biggest concern is for my dd6. Things are going to be different around here.
I’m copying the link for the free book from the other post.
The book is here online to read…
http://www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com/
If you look at the left, there is the table of contents for you to click on to read different sections of the book…
Thank you so much for sharing it. I can read it on my kindle touch on the experimental wifi browser. I am also keeping lots of notes in my paper notebook. And I can keep in touch at this forum by kindle so I can keep the computer off and better manage my time and spend my time “watching” my children.
Do you want to share how it’s going and support one another on this? I love your attitude, Jenni.
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