Name: CHEC Rocky Mountain Homeschool Conference
Start: 2025-06-12T00:00:00-05:00
End: 2025-06-14T23:59:59-05:00
Location: Denver, CO

This topic has 18 replies, 9 voices, and was last updated 11 years, 2 months ago by Karen.

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March 21, 2014 at 12:30 am
MissusLeata
Participant
So, Charlotte taught that mom should “get out to play.” What does this look like for you? Do you try to implement it?
March 21, 2014 at 2:10 am
LindseyD
Participant
Time to myself is probably the main way that I recharge my batteries. Just going grocery shopping alone is enough to do the trick for me! Also, I enjoy watching movies alone that my husband or kids would probably not enjoy. I do like having coffee or lunch with a friend or two, but mostly, time alone is how I really “go out to play”. Or a date with my husband. I consider being alone with him to be equivalent to having time to myself, and it’s very refreshing when we can do whatever we want without worrying about the kids.
I don’t really having any hobbies that I turn to. I blog, cook, and enjoy book shopping online, but those don’t necessarily seem like playtime to me. Well, maybe the book shopping…
It’s just really important for me to have quality time alone, doing whatever I want to do. My husband is much the same way, so he and I work together to make sure that we’re giving each other that time frequently.
March 21, 2014 at 2:45 am
Kayla
Participant
I am a lot like Lindsey, a grocery trip by myself can do wonders. I do like to go out with a friend occasionally for coffee, maybe 1 time every month or two. I also go to Bible study at church every Thursday, which gives me time with adults while the kids are in childcare.
March 21, 2014 at 12:10 pm
Shannon
Participant
I need time alone also, but don’t get it very often. Lindsey, how often do you get time to yourself? Do your children just stay with your husband when that happens? Do you leave the house or do they? I really would love to figure out how to have time to myself more often. I crave it! Actually I’ve been needing it so much and not really getting it that I’ve let my kids watch way more videos than I feel comfortable with. 🙁
Other than that, I love to write, mountain bike, learn, chop wood (I’m not kidding!), I do Crossfit which I consider ‘for me’. My husband and I watch one show together but most nights we hang out and I rub his back and we just enjoy being together without children around. We both really need that. I guess I don’t do much that is really ‘play’ for me. My youngest is turning 8 this weekend and I think it is time for me to start ‘playing’ a bit more!
March 21, 2014 at 12:22 pm
Sara B.
Participant
I am one of the more rare ones who doesn’t *need* time away, but I do enjoy it. In fact, my dh still doesn’t believe me that I don’t need to get out more. 😛 But when I do get the chance to do something alone, often I choose planning school, doing some sorting/decluttering, talking on the phone, or if I get to go out, it’s usually to a booksale or a very, very quick shopping trip. I take my embroidery to my dd’s Catechism class at church, & once a month my SIL hosts a craft night at her place, but I take my 2 oldest so they can craft for a little while & then go play with their cousin. But they are 11 & 9 and don’t require much supervision at this point. LOL
March 21, 2014 at 12:25 pm
Sara B.
Participant
Oh, was going to mention, Quiet Time for an hour in the afternoon & an hour or so with my dh after the kids are in bed are my daily “alone” & “date” times, & those are enough to recharge me on a mostly daily basis. Which is odd, because I’m an introvert… I do consider being home in general, though, to be recharge time from social situations such as church, co-op, get-togethers, etc.
March 21, 2014 at 1:19 pm
Bookworm
Participant
I actually always thought of this as kind of just getting outside. I love to take walks, notice the birds and the trees and the flowers and the butterflies. And I loved to be outside with my children. I took this literally and loved to PLAY with them outside. They were so inventive. We made daisy chains and built forts for army men out of rocks and curled dandelion stems and chased butterflies and played games with the squirrels made baking soda and vinegar rockets and played frisbee or badminton or just kicked a ball around. Blowing bubbles. Who doesn’t love blowing bubbles? WE played tag and caught fireflies and just had fun.
March 21, 2014 at 2:24 pm
MissusLeata
Participant
My kids are ages 6,4,2, and 1 and I’ve started feeling trapped and resentful (just occassionally). I don’t live near family so grandma and aunts can’t help. Shopping often includes all the kids. I seldom have a cup of coffee with a friend. I don’t get enough brain space to plan for school. And I start feeling like I’m just one of the kids ‘cuz I’m with them all the time and seldom have adult conversation. :-/ So, I just made arrangement to have a weekly babysitter so I can go out and shop by myself so I can think!! 🙂
March 21, 2014 at 3:14 pm
LindseyD
Participant
Shannon, I hate to hear that you’re not getting the time you need to yourself. My husband is at work from 9-5 M-Th, then off on Fridays and Saturdays. Of course he’s at church from 8:45-1:00 on Sundays, so that’s considered a half day for him. He is with the children if I need to get away, so I just do it on one of his days off. Or, if we have weekend plans that won’t allow me to get away, I’ll go during an evening after he gets home. The store I shop at is an hour away, so I do get plenty of time. My husband is so willing to do this and has never been resentful about it. Probably because he is very similar. Both sets of grandparents live close, so our kids will typically spend one Friday per month at one of their houses, giving dh and me a chance to have a date day. If you and your husband can’t align your schedules so that he has the children while you have time to do what you like, I love MissusLeata’s idea of hiring a babysitter.
Do I leave the house or do they? Typically it’s me because I enjoy grocery shopping alone. But there are times when dh will take the kids to the park or something so that I can stay home alone. It is impossible for me to take naps, so I avoid being home alone too much, or I don’t rest. I’ll clean or cook instead, which defeats the purpose.
A lot of people we know are in the opposite situation as we are: grandparents aren’t close so they rely on sitters. We have grandparents, and we have never hired someone to watch our children. But if you have someone you trust and can afford it, absolutely do it!
And please don’t feel one ounce of guilt about this. If you love playing with your kids and being outside with them and playing, by all means, do it! If that energizes and refreshes you, then that’s how you are hard-wired. That isn’t the case for me. Maybe it’s because of where we live and our weather and the fact that most of the time it’s brown and dead here, but I don’t enjoy even being in our yard. I’m not an outdoorsy person, unless I’m working in the yard or gardening. I’m hard-wired to feel refreshed by having time alone, and I don’t apologize for that. My son is the same way. Having three introverts in the house is sometimes hard for our extroverted dd to understand, but we all meet her need for “people time” too, and she respects when her brother wants to play by himself. I just have had so many moms tell me that they crave some quiet time alone but say, “Oh, I could NEVER do that to my husband! He goes crazy when he has to take care of the kids for more than 30 minutes!” Honestly, that drives me nuts! Why should mothers feel guilty for their children’s father being with his own children?! He’s their daddy, for crying out loud! Ok, I’m stepping off my soapbox now.
Bottom line is that you need to prioritize time to yourself if that is something you crave and need. There is nothing wrong with you, and you should not feel guilty. Also, when you do have that time, use it wisely and do something that really does refresh you. I’m always tempted to spend time on the computer, but that actually drains me and makes me irritable, so it doesn’t work toward the goal of energizing and refreshing me. It may sound crazy, but grocery shopping is great fun for me, and I really do love doing it. Knitting something would have the opposite effect and make me pull my hair out, but if that’s something you enjoy and find relaxing, by all means, do it.
Have fun!
Lindsey
March 21, 2014 at 3:46 pm
LindseyD
Participant
One more thing: maybe Charlotte did mean for the mother to literally go out and play. If so, that’s something I personally need to work on. 😉 I realize not much emphasis was placed on mothers having time for themselves to rest and recharge back then.
BUT, it’s still important for us mothers to not always put ourselves at the bottom of the list.
March 21, 2014 at 8:16 pm
Sara B.
Participant
I have to disagree to a point, Lindsey, about dads. My dh is not a baby/toddler person. He just isn’t. Loves his children dearly, is excited to be a daddy, but he just cannot do the baby/toddler thing. A lot of dads can at least handle it for a little while. My dh literally couldn’t. Not that he doesn’t know how to care for a baby, he can change diapers with the best of them, but leave him alone with one for more than 20 minutes, and he would go berserk. It’s nothing wrong with him or selfish of him, it’s just the way he’s built. Drove me nuts at first, especially when other moms would tell me what you just said, but then I realized, this is who he is, and I shouldn’t try to change who he is as a person but rather to work with it.
March 22, 2014 at 1:18 am
MissusLeata
Participant
My hubby doesn’t “do the baby thing” really well. He loves them, but he doesn’t lactate so the babies get upset. 🙂
I think if a mom couldn’t “do babies or toddlers,” we’d think something is wrong with her and expect her to adapt. I totally get that it’s a stretch for some personalities. And there are people who really can’t (or shouldn’t) be left in charge of infants. My dad is like that. He loves them. But he’s so absent-minded I’d worry he’d forget he was watching them and go to the store or something. That said, I agree that dads don’t babysit…they are the parent!!!!
March 22, 2014 at 1:56 am
missceegee
Participant
I see this thread as two distinct issues.
On recharging personally – I do understand that not all men, or women for that matter, are baby/toddler people. My husband greatly prefers hanging out and playing with the kids after they’re 2.5 or so. However, his preference for an age doesn’t negate his responsibility as a father to be available for EVERY age. In my opinion, it is a cop-out to say one can’t be with babies or toddlers for any length of time without a reason like being absent minded. I couldn’t leave my kids with my dad because he’s borderline narcoleptic and they wouldn’t be safe. However that is a far cry from their father not wishing to watch them on his own for a while because of his preference. I don’t particularly love the teenage years in general, does that mean I get a pass on having to be present and active during that season? Of course not. We’re a family and we work together and support one another and that does not mean we always get our own way. Quite the opposite actually. If I’ve had a hard day, week, month, or whatever and could benefit from more alone time doing ________, then the first person I expect to help meet that need is my husband. That said, I respect his need for time or space as required, too. I figure we made these 4 beautiful people together, so we will work together to ensure we raise them to the best of our ability while preserving our marriage and individual personhood. I am certain this looks different in different families and whatever each family works out is fine, so long as there is agreement and needs of both parents are being met. What I don’t think is ok, is to give one spouse a pass based on preference. I’m sorry, but I do see that as selfish. Also, I recognize that single parents get the shaft no matter what. I was raised by my dad and I know there were times he could have used some space, but didn’t get it. He simply bucked up and did what was necessary. We all need to do that at times, but in marriage we need the give and take on each side not give, give, give on one side and take, take, take on the other. I’ve seen several marriages like that end up in shambles. No thank you.
To the OP – I have taken these ideas from Charlotte’s writings to mean the same as Bookworm. Get outside to play, wonder, and discover with the kids. Leave the rest for later.
March 22, 2014 at 5:52 am
marmiemama
Participant
I got to go see Casting Crowns in Newark tonight with some girlfriends from church!!!!! How incredible! Was my first Christian concert! We had a wonderful, refreshing night out that I won’t forget.
Other than this very rare event, I do try to get out maybe once a month to a coffee shop with my girlfriend. When the weather’s warmer, I like to sit out in the yard in a lawn chair with a cup of coffee and some good books to peruse.
As for date nights: totally wish we had more of them. Just always seem so busy during the week, and then weekends we’ve usually got something going on as a family. But maybe I can add this a mental wish list.
March 22, 2014 at 11:36 am
Sara B.
Participant
I’m sorry, missceegee, but that was terribly insulting. My dh is not selfish. If you knew him like I do, you would realize that. He is not all take, take, take, while I give, give, give. We have an incredibly wonderful marriage where we have learned what makes each other tick, and we avoid those situations. I am newly pg again, and our youngest is 4. He’s finally to the stage where Daddy loves going places with him and doing Daddy/Son stuff. And I will have the baby for the next 3-4 years again. And that is perfectly ok with me because it’s how we work. I happen to absolutely adore the baby/toddler stage, so it actually works out quite perfectly. If I need a break from Baby, I can make a quick grocery run. He’s good with a really short amount of time. And bonus, this time around our oldest 2 will be 11 & 10, and my 11yo especially loves babies & toddlers, so they will be a big help to Daddy.
Just please do not assume to know that all dads must be selfish to not watch their own children. I once believed those same lies that other moms kept telling me – they all thought he was being selfish – and it literally almost cost me my marriage! Once I stopped listening to the lies & worked with his personality, our marriage has only gotten stronger with every passing year. So please be careful about what you say to new moms. I know I’m not the only wife on earth who is different from the norm. Besides, I also consider it as my duty letting him lead our family. And when other moms were telling me he was selfish, it made me usurp his authority, something we are still dealing with the repercussions of now, even with a good, strong marriage.