Name: Teach Them Diligently (Branson)
Start: 2025-05-15T00:00:00-05:00
End: 2025-05-17T23:59:59-05:00
Location: Branson, MO

Tagged: Laying Down the Rails, obedience, respect

This topic has 46 replies, 17 voices, and was last updated 11 years ago by jill smith.

Viewing 15 posts - 31 through 45 (of 47 total)

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February 26, 2014 at 10:35 pm
lovinghomeschool
Participant
I strongly second the recommendation to purchase Raising Godly Tomotoes by Elizabeth Krueger. You can google it. She says everything in her book that I would say if I could type that much on a forum.
I have been following your thread, and I agree that you know your children & family best.
A few things stand out to me. Your husband is gone a lot, which is going to make your job more challenging. You mentioned early on that your kids are out of control. You also mentioned that you let little things go. The challenge there is that when we let little things go our kids see it as giving them the right to do as they please. Give an inch and they will challenge you to take the mile. Over years it can add up to kids being out of control because they aren’t feeling you 100 percent at the helm. They can only go so far; but kids will test to see how far.
I think the Tomoto Staking book could really help you. She talks a lot about your Biblical God given authority that you have over your kids. If they don’t sense that you believe that you really have that authority they will power struggle until the authority issue is determined (yours or theirs). I don’t see your challenges as chores or school but gaining peace through them coming to respect you as mom who has the right to lead them in big and small.
I think taking toys into time out can help with kids submission. I do one at a time for not doing something as simple as saying yes mommy when I ask them to do something and with prompt obedience & a good attitude. Time out for a toy is a month. This may sound too strict to a lot of people. With 4 kids though we have to stay at the helm or chaos can reign.
You are starting a process that takes a lot of time and work. Stay with it and see where you are in 3 months. Happy, peaceful kids with imaginations that test – but not all the time – is what we need , and if you do too just stay the course.
God Bless,
February 26, 2014 at 11:11 pm
LindseyD
Participant
I just caught up with this thread again and realized I never answered Shannon’s original questions (assuming they were directed toward me). Sorry about that!
I’d love to hear exactly how you went about taking all the toys away. Were they there when you took them? Or was it overnight/when they were out with someone?
My kids had been arguing and being very selfish with one another for days and days. I was at my wits’ end, trying to figure out what started the behavior and how to stop it. I spoke to my husband and brought up the idea of taking away all of their things. He agreed that they had not heeded the warnings and corrections we had given them, and that most of their arguments were about who got to play with what, what belonged to whom, etc. We agreed that the next time there was an altercation between them, we would do it afterward. I did wait until evening, when my husband was home so that we presented a united front and I wasn’t the only “bad guy”.
Did they know it was going to happen and exactly why?
Yes, we explained the behaviors and selfishness and told them that they would be losing all of their things since they couldn’t seem to work out disagreements, choose to share, get along, etc. We did it right in front of them and actually made them help.
What did you do with the items you took?
We had a guest room we didn’t use often, so we piled everything in there.
Did you take their bikes also?
Yes. We took everything from them except their clothes, beds, and Bibles. All of their books, stuffed animals, dress-up things, puppets, Legos. Everything.
Was this also a complete ‘no screen’ time for them?
Absolutely! And the screen time was the last thing they got back.
What about art supplies?
Yes. When I say “everything”, I mean EVERYTHING.
The only options they had for “entertainment” was to play together, without toys, do chores, read the Bible, take a nap, or help me with whatever I was doing. They could go outside and play tag or hide and seek. During this time, we were re-doing part of our fence, so they spent two entire afternoons hammering nails into the old fence pickets. They collected bugs, squashed ants, picked flowers and weeds, played clapping games together, I Spy, and more. If they didn’t want to work and didn’t want to be bored, their only option was to play with each other.
Honestly, I would do it again in a heartbeat. I actually got sad when we started giving toys back. We went on a week-by-week basis. If there had been signs of thankfulness, obedience, generosity, good attitudes, peacefulness, we would allow them to choose a couple of toys to put back in their rooms. Little by little, they earned it all back. Well, all except the things they decided to get rid of/donate/re-gift as they realized they had too much stuff anyway.
Here’s the blog I wrote about the whole process: http://todayindietzville.blogspot.com/2012/05/life-without-toys.html
I hope I’ve answered some questions. And I hope you’ll all read the blog and see that doing something drastic doesn’t mean you’re not being gentle too.
February 27, 2014 at 12:02 am
lovinghomeschool
Participant
I wanted to agree with LindsyD that doing something drastic can be gentle also. Loving as well since it focuses on their real needs instead of their wants. It is so worth it to take the time and focus on those elements of character and attitude.
February 27, 2014 at 12:17 am
chocodog
Participant
Hi just rolled in and cant stay long but I caught your thread and thought I would add what helps for me. We had meandering around the house. So I made them get up and do animals first. They were getting breakfast first but then it could be 10 am before they go outside. So animals first. then it was wandering around aimlessly looking for things. Pencils paper…. The list could go on. While they were trying to get ready for school. So I said Math at 10 am no matter what. We do our Bible study at breakfast. So, I decided that if they got their Math done before 11am they could take a break. If not they didn’t get one. If they didn’t get up when I told them at 8am and didn’t get dressed, animals fed, themselves fed, and Math done then they could eat during their break AFTER MATH and before 11am. This way they are looking forward to this break. They are realizing that it is their fault if they don’t get it done. After Math we do Spelling/writing @ 11:00. this pulls them back into school. I usually don’t have a problem after that. We then do our Grammar, Geography/history, and maybe a few other things before they get lunch. They don’t usually notice the clock and we just keep working until we break for lunch. I use to have a set time for it but then it would drawl their attention away and we would be back to where we started after lunch. If they got restless or I had to take a phone call they could do their chores. Otherwise they had to finish up what they were working on. I also forgot to mention. Our bedrooms are upstairs. It is off limits during school hours unless your day was to clean your room. So after lunch we finish up chores and before they can have a snack all chores and left over homework must be done. this snack doesn’t have to be cookies and milk. More like apples and bananas. Maybe oatmeal. DD loves oatmeal. Anyway, Then they can go and play after that. It makes my day run more smooth. Oh I almost forgot. I also plan Library days. Everything must be done before we go to the Library. You wouldn’t beleive how excited they get. I had parents comment to me how they couldn’t help but snicker about how excited my kids got over it. We also do this for Ice Skating, beach day, ice cream, even going shopping.. LOL yes we live quite aways away from the stores so this is a big deal. Even if they get to go over someones house and play with kids. So, if they get rewarded by these small things then they will do just about everything they can to do it. Now everyone must do their chores to go. They also must be to my specs. in order to go. So their day can go quite fast if they are done with their math even before I get up out of bed. 🙂 It does happen. You just have to find out what motivates them. Sometimes it is just a walk, the park, or looking down the road in the ditch for tadpoles. You would be surprised. Just remember what makes them go Ooooooooo!
Blessings!
February 27, 2014 at 1:26 am
jill smith
Participant
Thanks ladies!
My 11 year old has been so rebllious lately and it makes me want to scream. I read all your encouraging words but I feel like what more can I take away. He hhas no toys no kindle and I mad him do extra chore like sweep the floor 3 times becasue he kept on complaining. It doesnt help.UGH!!!!! I feel lkie just throuwing in the towel and let them just have it all back and be done. I am worn out.
February 27, 2014 at 5:43 am
lovinghomeschool
Participant
I pray that God will give you the strength to not throw in the towel!
The older they are when we decide to help them turn around the longer it will take. I encourage you to keep going. Try to think about it not so much as taking away things, although you are obviously getting through to him loud and clear by doing so, but about reaching his heart with a desire for obedience. At least that is my 2 cents.
I think you have had a lot of good input. I would just encourage you to keep going.
You are making a clear point though if he is rebelling more. He is trying to find out if you really mean it. If you give up then you will lose more ground than you had prior. The only choice now, since you started to try and change things, is keep going and be consistent and show him how much you really want the change.
You can do it with God’s help.
March 1, 2014 at 1:06 pm
jill smith
Participant
Started laying down the rails for chidren yesterday. Putting some strict rules in place and the kids are doing pretty well today. Thanks for all the prayers. I started with the first time obeidence and saying yes mama after they have been asked to do something. Its slow but I think it will be a better week over all.
Question? Do you switch up the chore for the kids or do you all keep them the same? My daughter 8 is getting sick of folding laundry. She’s been folding it for over two weeks. Last night she actually sobed because she is tired of doing it. my heart feels bad. We have sooo much laundry. Opinions please. 🙂
March 1, 2014 at 1:44 pm
missceegee
Participant
I have 4 kids – 4,6, 10, 13. When I did everyone’s laundry, all kids folded while I read aloud. Now I only do my husband’s and mine. Dd13 does the girls and ds10 does the boys. Dd6 (no help) and ds4 (with some help) fold and put away their own. In fact, I am about to teach dd6 the whole process and then she will do her own start to finish. I assign the girls a day and the boys a day and they wash, dry, fold, and put away on that day for themselves. For something like laundry, I’d either take the team effort approach or the do your own approach. We do this with dishes too. Scrape and load your own dishes, everyone else does the jobs in the kitchen as able. Initially, I had one kid on morning dishes, one on lunch, one on dinner and same for clearing, wiping, sweeping. For the kitchen, we’re finding the all pitch in method works well. I figure we’re all responsible for dirty dishes and dirty clothes and those are BIG chores that I as an adult do to wish to tackle on my own, so my kids won’t either. They are capable and will do it alone if needed, but mostly we work together in the kitchen.
March 1, 2014 at 1:47 pm
missceegee
Participant
With other chores, I would keep them at it long enough to really learn to do it well, otherwise you will be retraining more than necessary. Tristan has hers keep chores for a year and has done a great blog post on that. I am similar in my approach, but switch a little sooner on some things. My approach is to teach the youngest capable child to do each chore.
March 1, 2014 at 1:48 pm
Wings2fly
Participant
Most chores stay the same for 6 months or a year so they get really good at them. But for laundry, everyone helps all year. Chores are good for their character and training. I follow many tips from Vicki Bentley. I am sick of folding laundry too. I have been doing it for over two decades, as I’m sure you have too. But I am used to it and usually multi-task with my share: return phone calls, listen to a child read, listen to music or audio story, watch a movie when appropriate. It Isn’t so bad.
Tristan’s blog post: http://ourbusyhomeschool.com/operation-chore-training/
I was a fool and used to count to three. That only trained them in delayed obedience. We are still working on prompt obedience…we have our moments. Sometimes I clap my hands, something Michelle Duggars wrote about in A Love that Multiplies. It is a training in self-control.
Keep up the good work.
March 1, 2014 at 9:35 pm
lovinghomeschool
Participant
Yes, keep up the Great Work!
April 9, 2014 at 1:05 am
Shannon
Participant
Hi Lindsey, I read your reply when you posted it last month but I just never got around to replying myself. In the time between when I asked the questions and you answered…no, about 1 hour after I asked 🙂 , I did my own toy removal. It has been almost two months and last week they got some items back (Hot Wheels and HW track)…but it has been a disater already and they are returning to the closet. I don’t know if I’m being too strict or too ‘me-focused’ but everything seems better without toys. I have allowed certain things to come out for an afternoon a few times but they have to be returned. The Hot Wheels have been out for about five days and they are all over the house, I’m constantly asking him to consolidate them and they distract him Every Single Minute of the day. I am constantly telling him to do what he was working on and he can play afterwards. It causes too much conflict for us so I’m putting them away again tonight. He does do great play with them, creating new ways to put things together, attaching them to the porch, playing with them in water, etc. It is good solid creative play and I love that. But I think after a few days the play is less creative and the items are just scattered all over and the down-side to toys begins.
You are welcome to look at my blog post about it (if you can forgive my dinky little blog):
http://www.quetzalacademy.blogspot.com
Lindsey, I think I’d like you if we lived near each other. As it is, I appreciate your voice on this forum. 🙂
April 9, 2014 at 1:31 am
LindseyD
Participant
Your blog isn’t dinky, Shannon! I think what you’ve done is fantastic! I wish there were more parents who were willing to take those hard, drastic steps with their children, instead of feeling guilty that they’re abusing them or depriving them of their childhoods! I don’t think it’s “me-focused” at all to notice that life is better without toys. I happen to agree with you.
We had yet another garage sale Saturday before last (our 4th in less than 2 years!), and got rid of even more toys. I clean out so much that you would think I just keep buying stuff and bringing more into the house, but that’s not true at all. We just keep finding more and more that we truly can live without. My children have fewer toys right now than they’ve ever had in their lives, and it’s wonderful. Their current favorites are Legos (which they don’t fight over, thankfully), stuffed animals, Nerf guns, and books. That’s pretty much it. Our ds has some stop motion animation stuff, but his Lego figures are the characters in the movies he makes. The few toys they have are very organized and easy for them to put away where they belong, so evening clean-up usually takes less than 15 minutes–unless the tent was put up or a blanket fort built.
If I may make a suggestion about the Hot Wheels…perhaps you should move them to an alternative location so that they’re not distracting your ds during school time? I know the school room is also the play room, but it seems that you don’t mind the Hot Wheels except when they’re creating a distraction from school. Maybe put them in a bin or something on a shelf during school, and then he can get them out at an appropriate time.
Great job! I think we’d be fast friends, too.
April 9, 2014 at 2:32 am
jill smith
Participant
Hi ladies,
Well, I gave back the toys and it went well for awhile, now all they do is fight and the diobedience is back. My daughter 8 has been having melt downs alot lately and my 11year old boy has begun to be very ignorant. To say the least, I am beyond this whole mess. I give you woman credit who have connection for support outside of this forum. Pretty much on my own with homeschooling. So my husband and I need to figure out what the next step is I guess. Myson loves to build so his legos are his thing. My daughters really dont play with half Iif whatthey have. My 6 year old dd has a kitchen, which we bought her for Christmas for pretend play. So I have a hard time taking that away. We are doing laying down the rails, which I have slacked on as far as the reading goes. I need to get back at it.
On another note, has anyone used Queens curriculum for languae arts? Im looking into some of their products. Any suggestions?
This is ohr tentative schedule for next year:
Module 2
young ones: out door secrets
science apologia for oldest Marine Biology
Math u see for all of them
copywork: ?
Latin/ spanish
spelling wisdom?
Liturature good living books
Music
art ?
Am I missing something?
Is anyone having issues with kids complaing about doing school? I cant seem to make it fun enough I guess. What do you all do for Geography, besides what comes with the modules?
Sorry so much at once. Is any of you in Michigan on this site? Just wondering.
April 9, 2014 at 6:20 am
Wings2fly
Participant
jrs5kids, I am sorry you are struggling. How are the chores coming along? Do you have a good schedule for each of your children to follow each day? What are your days like? I want to encourage you to keep going and keep enforcing your rules and schedules.
Did you get rid of any toys before giving them back? Though I have taken away some, I have never taken away all of their toys. When, how, and why did they get them back? How do you know if there has been a change in their hearts or if they are just being good so they will get their stuff back? Are they fighting over toys now? Should you take them away again? For longer this time? Or do you not think that works for your family? How are you able to get to the heart of the matters?
If they do not play with half of what they have, why keep it? Do they know that all chores and schoolwork must be completed satisfactorily before any free play time? Which habit are you doing in Lay Down the Rails? Are you still requiring prompt obedience? We must be consistent as children always test the boundaries. You can do this, but they must respect you and take you seriously. If you are slacking in a subject like reading Laying Down the Rails, schedule it early in the day, if not the first subject.
The school books look fine. We have really liked Spelling Wisdom. We tried grade 2 Queens Language Lessons, but did not care much for it. I know it has worked for some though. What about personal development books? http://simplycharlottemason.com/planning/curriculum-guide/personal-development/
Scripture Memory? Very important for character training and only 5 min. per day.
Poetry, hymns? These can be done once a week for 10-15 minutes.
Sometimes for geography, we watch Rick Steve’s Europe and other travel shows on pbs stations. They find the country on a world map. We are not in Michigan.