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kids out of control!
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First off i don’t want to say that my children are naughty alll the time its just that we are having issues with obedience and doing school. its like our house is out of order and i don’t know how to get it under control. I am about ready to scream. Is laying down the rails good for this kind of thing? I am struggling with rude behavior and stuberness. They do nothing but cut each other down and yell at each othe (right now in fact). I am really considering putting them in school. Ive tried the chore chart they ignore it. Ive tried time out and extra core, early bed just nothing seem to get through to them. My 11 year old is been acting out and he usually is pretty obedient. I cant seem to get through to them that school is school and they just want to rush through it to go outside or to play. Any suggestions. We don’t have the problem of vidieo games i have put my foot down with that just other issues. Also taking care of ones toys, books ect.
Thanks,
jrs5kids
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I only have a minute right now, but A few things come to mind – consistency over the long haul, not just sporadic. I mean every single time for months. Take everything away – they can have clothes, food, Bible, school. Absolutely nothing else would I give until order and peace was restored. Make a schedule and stick to it so they know what to expect and when.
Might I ask where you live, basically is it super cold now or not? And how is your food been?
The reason I ask this is usually an issue for us if one of these two things are off. 1st the weather – we live in MN if the weather just really doesn’t let up and they don’t get out for a day or two (and in the last month it can be ‘days’ in a row) things just get bad. My oldest 5 are boys they need to run, exercise and play tough. They need to burn off all that extra energy when they don’t it gets let out in ways that are not appropriate.
The 2nd is the same type of thing. I don’t care what you eat, I’m not even talking about that in general here all I am saying is has anything changed? More white/whole wheat flours, sugars, treats, special foods, food with die in them?? Basically has anything been MORE than usual? This can affect even me in a bad way. Example we eat very well for the most part, but if I have say a special coffee at the gas station (meaning one of those terrible push the buttons or even the flavored cream) I know that all that sugar is going to make me tired and crabby (so why did I do that to myself?? LOL cause at Thanksgiving they have my favorite Pumpkin spice
). This is the worse thing for my kids. It’s like a monster come out! My dh hates the holidays for this reason, we have to keep saying NO to all the family things cause we have to take them home to ‘detox’.those are just my two thoughts that for us make our kids do they type of things you are mentioning.
then I would agree with Missceegee. Take it away, it’s not needed! I have done this before and it really is an eye opener. Good luck!
Sometimes I need to send them to the “principle”. DH will talk to them or step in and do more than talk. You didn’t mention that so that is why I mention it. I agree with the long term consistent issue to. Its hard but so worth it!. Hugs and good luck.
Thanks ladies,
Misty, we live in Michigan and it has been a cold winter. They do go outside alot we have a ice rink in our yard for them to burn that energy. The food thing hasn’t changed though we are working on no gluten and healther choices.
Boy, you guys sure have had the bitter temps there. We have good friend from MN.
Kristen, My husband works 70 hours a week and he does do some hard punishments but it only last for a day or so and they are right back at it. I think taking things away will be a good wake up call. Its all the disobeidence that get to me. FOr example: I asked my daughter who is 8 to clean her room and what I hear is ” I will” and then I have to hound her to get it done.
MIssceegee, Thanks, I just kon’t know where i would go with all their stuff. I do have a schedulre for chores and its hanging on the refrigerator being ignored. I sure wish we had a support group here. Is laying down the rail a something i should read and is there a family one to get everyone involved? DO I take things away when they disobey or just when they don’t do chores? I don’t want them to feel like they have to lose all their stuff for little things they do. I will put into action today some of these suggestions.
I would suggest taking everything away for a LONG time, weeks to months to perhaps permanently. Box it for the attic or give it to goodwill. Children need very few things – a small amount of clothing, a few good quality open ended toys, a couple of games. All else is superfluous, esp. If they aren’t taking care of their stuff or minding their chores. Less is more and margin is a very good thing.
With chores, have they been trained with you by their side for a good while? If not, that is step one. If so, the next step is to give one chore and inspect it immediately. Gradually move to a list. Do not expect what you don’t inspect every single time for a long period. I will is the wrong answer. The only correct answer to a parental request is, “Yes ma’am or yes sir.” followed by immediate obedience that moment. I agree with Charlotte Mason that tardy, unwilling obedience is hardly worth having(paraphrasing).
I would take drastic measures and gradually grant more freedoms and privileges as they are earned. You may be interested in the book Raising Godly Tomatoes. I found it full of practical helps. Also make sure you are being present and aren’t distracted by things less important like internet, phone, friends. (Speaking from experience.)
Do not grow weary. God has and will equip you for the tasks before you.
Blessings,
Christie
OK ladies, this was the hardest thing to do. I boxed up all the toys and only left their stuffed animal they sleep with and thats it. Wow, im tired! I am beginning with obedience and i chore per kid to master then we will move on. PLease pray for us that we will see God working in our home and our hearts. Thanks for all the help and i will keep you posted on our progress.
Hugs and blessing to all,
JIl
I know that was so hard for you, but GOOD JOB! Taking away everything our children owned for over a month was one of the BEST things we’ve ever done as parents. It really put life into perspective for them, and they became a lot happier, willing, and just easier to be around. With all the toys and stuff gone, it was easy for them to want to do chores, play with each other, help me with cooking or whatever simply because there was NOTHING ELSE for them to do! We even took all books away, except what we used for school. Now stick your guns, and don’t cave next week just because things get a little better. Forming new, good habits takes weeks, not days. I can almost guarantee that after the first 48 hours, this will be much easier than you expected.
Hang in there,
Lindsey
Yes, good job! Slow, steady, consistent training will go far. I will pray. Parenting isn’t for cowards that is for sure!
O.k. after taking away toys my daughter 8 years old still throws a fit when she is told to fold laundry or do any chore. HELP!!!! I do not have the laying down the rails book yet. I plan on purchaing it soon. What do I do? Thanks ladies.
Sometimes, we have a week of just instilling good work habits around the house. And what I mean is that they don’t have school (other than reading) and they don’t have toys. What they have is plenty of good old fashioned work.
The older, well trained children take it in stride and do a good job. The little ones (who need the structure and practice) do sometimes cry and complain. My kids don’t throw fits – if you mean down on the floor type fits – but sometimes they do whine about it.
Your goal is to pleasantly ignore them and force them to get the work done anyway – without losing your temper. If she is throwing herself on the floor crying….pick her up, put her in a safe, isolated place, and move on with your happy life. She isn’t allowed to join the family until she can pleasantly do her chore. And as soon as she gets out of that room, she MUST do the work before eating, playing, anything else SHE wants to do.
Eventually, she will get the message. It may take a day, a week…but you will be a No Drama Mama, and that is a blessing that lasts a lifetime! Not to mention what it does for your child’s character.
I have been confined to bed for 2 weeks, and I cannot tell you how many times I have thanked the Lord above for all the work we have done on habits and regular scheduling. It is enabling our family to keep going at some degree of ‘normal’!!
You may not have to take a break from school, but the principle is the same for any whining, complaining, crying. My kids get put into a boring, alone space until they choose to come back to the work and do it pleasantly and well. If the work is intentionally sloppy – they do it again.
Don’t give up – just be consistent and you will see results. Try to make their daily chores and schedule as consistent as possible and eventually they will actually steer themselves into those good habits.
Yes, agreeing w/ ServingwithJoy.
If my children complain about any work, planned chores or spontaneous odd jobs, they have to “practice” working with a cheerful attitude for the rest of the day. This has only happened a couple of times because it is such an effective consequence. If I tell/ask them to do something, and I get any eye-rolling, complaining, whining, etc., I simply say, “Well, it looks like you’ve forgotten how to do your work with a cheerful attitude and without complaining! I guess you’ll have to practice by working with a good attitude for the rest of the afternoon. Here’s a rag. You can start on the baseboards. And remember you’re practicing a working with a cheerful heart.” They HATE it! But it reminds them what the consequence is for working without a good attitude.
There’s no sense in you and your child getting all worked up. She can have her fit, attitude, or whatever, but that doesn’t mean it has to ruin your day. My children have never kicked and screamed on the floor, if that’s the type of fit you’re referring to. I’d honestly hate to think what would happen if they did…
It may also help if you have some sort of chore or job schedule displayed for all to see so they know what to expect. For example, my children’s chore lists are hanging on their walls in a glass frame so they can use a dry erase marker to check off the jobs they’ve completed for that day. They know that every morning they need to make their beds, get dressed, and check to see if the dishwasher needs to be unloaded before doing anything else, including breakfast. My son knows that every Monday after school, he is to vacuum our wood floors. My daughter knows that every Thursday after school, she is to dust and vacuum her room. It’s displayed for them to see, and they have been shown how to correctly complete each job. They also know that once their jobs are completed that day, they are free to play or do whatever they like for the rest of the afternoon. Win/win!
My children are 8.5 and 10, so what I’m describing is certainly doable for your child. Like ServingwithJoy, I’m nearly on bedrest. I am so, so thankful that I took the time and energy to train my children to do their work consistently and with a good attitude. They are probably taking care of the home more than I am right now! It is a blessing to have such helpful children, and I promise it will be worth it if you’ll buckle down and do it. And certainly do NOT give her toys or anything fun back!
Blessings,
Lindsey
Hi ladies,
She is certainly not throwing herself on the floor, (would not happen in this house or tougher consiquences for her). She just plain screama nd cries. I will triy the issolation idea. I do put her in her room (at least 4 times today). she is so strong willed.(wonder wher sh get’s it from):) any ways, I did have a chore chart for all the kids but it was being ignored so I went to a single chore or two for the older ones and its the same every day. My 5 year old is doing good. My 10 year old boy asked tonight when they could have their toys back and I said not for a while and he says” what are we suppose to do” Then I replied, ” What do you think the kids in Africa do, they play with marbles and stick and each other.”
So funny how kids now days think they need all the electonic to keep them happy.
So soryy to hear you are both on bed rest. Prayers for you both for complete healing.
If I may ask where do you both live? Has anyone done the Laura Ingels Wilder tour for better words? Our family is considering it. Thanks again for your support.
Blessing and prayers,
Jill
I live in the Texas Panhandle. I would love to do a Laura Ingalls Wilder tour someday! Sounds like fun!
Maybe your children are becoming bored with doing the same jobs everyday and varying it a bit would give them something to look forward to?
We also have a Bored Jar. It works wonders when someone is complaining of boredom or just walking around with a general lack of motivation to do anything productive.
). This is the worse thing for my kids. It’s like a monster come out! My dh hates the holidays for this reason, we have to keep saying NO to all the family things cause we have to take them home to ‘detox’.
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