introverted child

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  • October 12, 2012 at 1:19 pm
    HollyS
    Participant

    I’m introverted and I get really tired of people treating it like it’s a character flaw.  I get easily overwhelmed in larger groups, but when I meet someone one-on-one, they have no idea how quiet I am.  Many extroverts have a hard time talking one-on-one.  It also takes me awhile to open up to new people.  We’ve moved quite a bit over the years, and it takes me a couple years to make friends.

    I agree with trying a different sport (and one with a helpful coach wouldn’t hurt).  I’ve never had a coach tell me my DC should be PSed.  I think that’s completely innapropriate.  We have done gymnastics, t-ball, piano, HS co-ops, and all my DC have done well socially.  I have one child that is very outgoing (but has her shy moments) and a very quiet child that easily opens up in the right environment.  My other two vary so much each day, so I’m not sure where they’d fall on an intro/extro-vert scale.

    I’m thinking your DS just hasn’t found the right enviroment.  Do you have any HS activities?  I go to a mom’s support group and it’s great to talk about these issues with other HSing moms.  It’s hard to discuss HS problems with non-HSing moms because they will tell you to just enroll them in PS and be done with it.  

    October 12, 2012 at 3:44 pm
    pslively
    Participant

    I haven’t had time to read through all the posts, so please forgive me if I’m repeating anything.   There is a difference between being an introvert and being a shy person.  Being an introvert can’t be changed.  It is who you are and it should be embraced.  Being a shy person can be worked on.  You can role play at home, give more exposure in social situations, etc.  One of my children is very shy, but is not an introvert.  One of my children is an introvert, but is not shy at all.  Here are a couple of resources I shared with my husband to help him understand me better.  The second one is a little less serious, but still just as true.  

    http://www.thomrainer.com/2012/08/eight-things-to-help-you-understand-introverts.php

    http://twentytwowords.com/2012/08/29/a-simple-explanation-of-how-to-interact-with-introverts/

    Regardless of all that, one rule I give my children for any social setting is that they can’t do anything that would hurt someone’s feelings or make them feel awkward.  For example, they are not allowed to use shyness as an excuse to be rude by not answering someone who has spoken to them.  That is simply rude and I expect them to answer whether they feel shy or not.  Another example, if they buy something, they are expected to speak to the clerk, whether they feel like it or not.  If they meet a new child, they are expected to speak to them so as to avoid making the child feel awkward.  If they can’t do those things, then they are not mature enough to be out and about in social settings, in my opinion.  I hope it goes without saying that this is not an excuse to put them into awkward situations in which they are not comfortable.  Each situation and each child is different and allowances must be made on an individual basis.

    We have been involved in HS groups for several years now.  They have provided great opportunities for my kids to practice social skills in welcoming and non-threatening environments.  I highly recommend being part of a small group of other homeschooling families if you have that option.  

    You know your own child better than anyone.  If he is making progress and is not using shyness as an excuse, then I really wouldn’t worry about it.  And if he’s an introvert, praise God for it.  Many of the best minds have been introverts!  And as HollyS said, it’s not a character flaw.  

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