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introverted child
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I have been homeschooling for 6 years with strong conviction. My daughter is 10 and is academically motivated, enjoys basketball, skating, and meeting people. My son is 8. He was a late talker-though doing well verbally now. He is developing beautifully at his own pace. We are making progress with reading, though at about a first grade level. He is an introvert and doesn’t enjoy new social situations. I am getting pressure from several sources that public school would help him the most. For the first time in my homeschooling journey I am weak and lost. I have done some research, and I have found many resources for “getting started” and “curriculum”, but not much about working through the difficulties or the middle years.
Any guidance or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Sincerely,
Kelli Berg
HI Kelli, I’m not quite sure what kind of guidance or suggestions you are looking for. Help with an introverted child? Are you thinking there is a problem with him? If he is truly an introvert, I really can’t imagine a worse place than public school for him. If he is just a shy child with no social skills, public school is certainly not the place to learn them.
But the good news is that you can work with him on that. Is there something more specific that you are wanting to ask?
I second the opinion that public school owuld be the worst place for a kid who hates new social situations. There is nothing wrong with being introverted. I think as he grows and finds his own interests he will become more comfortable with people. Forcing him into an environment in which he is always around lots of people will probably make him very miserable.
I wonder who the pressure is from? Unless it is your husband, I woudl ignore it. Even if it is a doctor or therapist. Tell them this is your decision to homechool him and if they can’t accept it, you will find someone else.
Nebby
Just wanted to ditto what the others said. I was an introverted, shy, somewhat socially awkward child myself and went through the public school system, and for me it was a social disaster. Just as Nebby said, being comfortable around people was something I had to grow into in my own time and not something that I could be forced into. (If anything, the attempts to force that type of development before its time only made things worse.) You know your son best, you can see that his is developing into his own person at his own pace, and that is what is most important.
Jen
Hi Kelli. Over the past 10 years of our homeschool journey, sadly, I have heard this (and the infamous “what about socialization” question) more times than I can count. If it’s a childs personality to be shy, he would still be shy if in public school. For those of you mothers who went to ps, don’t you remember that there were extroverts and introverts in your class? Its not like ALL those kids were extroverts. However, the extroverts were the popular kids, and sadly the introverts were less esteemed. PS would certainly not help him in this regard, but on the contrary would turn his personality into a weakness to be preyed upon. I’m sure you’re doing a great job with your son. May he continue to thrive and become all that God has called him to be. Blessings, Heather
I agree w/the above. Personality is personality, no matter what your school situation. I was public schooled and terribly shy…didn’t come out of it until college/young adulthood. My eldest was terribly shy at 3/4 yrs. old and we struggled to even get her to say ‘thank you’ to people. She is now 13 and loves to hang out w/friends, and has no struggles socially. My 10yo son is shy w/adults he doesn’t know well….gets a bit tongue-tied when asked questions. But he’s come a long way from when he was younger and once hung out in my bedroom crying when we had a homeschool Christmas party w/a few families and he was uncomfortable. He’s now very social w/his friends and enjoys going to homeschool classes, etc.
I read a book on shyness once that said 15% of kids are born shy. It’s recommendation (one of the them) was to keep exposing them to new social situations, slowly, talking it through. I’m so glad my son is not in public school. He’s struggled (more in the past, getting better) w/speech dysfluency and I think kids would have likely made fun of him and very possibly caused him to withdraw, rather than get more outgoing as he has lately. Just my .02:) Blessings, Gina
My oldest was incredibly shy and clingy. He went to ps for awhile and some of my worst memories (as a mother) is watching him suffer, for what?? To this day, I do not know what I was thinking. I will admit that hsing was not on my radar, quite the opposite, I really wanted my dc to experience ps and just figured they would eventually adapt.
He did eventually get used to the idea that that was what our family was doing but it was only because he’s obedient and nonaggressive (he’s shy and introverted). I pulled him out a bit later and all is well. He is not made for that type of environment (my other two may have been better suited, but they’re not going either).
I didn’t necessarily have anyone pressure me to send him to school, that was what my dh and I had planned all along. It wasn’t all bad, I’ll admit, but the time could’ve been spent in such a better way, especially now that I have experience with two dc without ps. My most biggest regret is not having the memories with my first son like I do my other two. I just wasn’t there yet or was being stubborn, not sure which, and that’s the truth. To add insult to injury, it took at least 1-2 school years to get myself out of the PS mindset in our homeschool. My poor baby really had to endure alot, and for that, I will always have regrets.
I know that this is not exactly what you were asking for, but for a shy/introverted child (adults are a different story), this would be so painful, not beneficial. And for what?? There are too many community opportunities (church, city classes, co-ops) to offer children with real people to socialize with, really socialize, rather than ps.
As far as guidance through difficulties and the middle years, I would just ask specific questions (I do) and the ladies on this forum will do their best to help you.
Blessings on your decisions.
I agree that public school is the worst place to learn social skills, particularly for an introvert. If you are concerned about your son’s shyness and ability to interact with other’s, there are much more gentle ways to develop those skills. Start with building relationships with one person at a time. My Dd is quite shy if there are more than one or two people she doesn’t know, but loves to play with friends if they are one on one. I have put a lot of effort into setting up play dates in our home, where she is comfortable and can welcome a guest into her environment. Dd is just like I was, so I can relate completely.
Joanne
Well, it seems like starting this fall we have had 2 situations in which his shyness has affected us(new teaccher in class at church, b-day party). Over the summer we were together a lot- mostly with family and familiarity, missed church due to out of town etc. My husband and I decided he needed more social opportunites, so we started him in soccer. The first practice was NOT pretty(tears), but we stuck it out…not forcing, but loving support- and strong encouragement…it’s slowly getting better. His soccer coach, and a therapist basically told me that he needed to be in school- AWAY from me and that I am coddling him…Yikes!!! It’s my fault!
My husband feels he is just a shy kid, and that we can help him best by providing him with more opportunities like soccer, baseball, Sunday school EVERY week, scouts, co-ops etc. This is also how I want to proceed. I have always felt proud and confident about my decision to homeschool, however now it feels like many of the people close to me think I am doing the wrong thing, causing a negative impact on my precious son. A CLOSE friend suggested that I am homeschooling because of my own needs and wants, and not considering what is best for my kids…YIKES!! Despite my husband’s support, I feel unsure of myself.
I was inspired by the book “For the Children’s Sake” by Susan Scheffer Macaulay. In my original post I guess I was just wondering if anyone had read anything particularly inspiring, or had some good advice to get you through a rough patch. Maybe I should read the Macaulay book again, I should definitely spend more time in scripture study and prayer about this issue.
THANK YOU ALL SO SO MUCH for your responses of support and concern!! I don’t feel so alone now!!!!
This is uncharted territory for me,and I guess I just need to work through this challenge… and get my mojo back- hee hee
OH my..homeschooling for YOUR own needs and wants?? Homeschooling is for your children and what is best for them!! Albeit, as mom’s we “want” the best for our children! HS is a sacrifice! Obviously, this friend does not understand why you or anybody would homeschool! To me if you didn’t hs you can be considered selfish. NOW I am not saying ALL people who send kids to PS are selfish!! But a lot of mothers can be heard saying, I couldn’t stand being w/ my kids all day. or I wouldn’t have enough time to do what I want to do.
Maybe sharing w/ your friend why you homeschool and the benefits of it will help her to understand. Or maybe you don’t need to be friends w/ her. Friends support and encourage each other! 🙂
As for the coach, of course many will be against homeschooling. Why? Because they just don’t understand and have been fed the lies of PS!!
My dh was shy and still is! PS didn’t bring him out of it! I was shy at first, became outgoing, shy again, and then outgoing. I was taunted and made fun of in school due to my weight. Looking back I was actually smaller than a lot of girls nowadays..but I was “growing” curvy as well as up top! LOL! So, I was teased a lot! That didn’t bring me out of my shyness! It made me very sad and wanting to not live anymore!! I hated going to school..what a terrible way to live!!
Now, I have a SPD child who is shy/scared in social situations. And will not try anything new! He is very talkative w/ others..but among crowds and doing new things he freaks out! We too thought soccer would help..it was a nightmare!! LOL He liked one on one w/ the coach..but would NOT play the game or practice w/ the team! Anyways, I know you have not said your son had SPD..just shy. And what you are doing to provide new opportunities is good!
I agree you need to read something to encourage you and your choice! And am glad dh is on board! I am sorry you are having opposition! Esp from a “close” friend!! Does she have kids? And I suppose they are in PS. Have you asked her why she chose PS? And I would like to know how she benefited from PS too!
Just some thoughts! You have not caused your shyness in your son! He was born that way! And there is a reason God made created him that way! 🙂
This is really the first critical opposition I have had about my decision to hs. I guess it was the combination of opposition in the face of not knowing how to help my son that caused turmoil for me.
When I was discussing this with my previously mentioned friend I said, “I guess I will send him to ps if that is what he needs, but it will be so hard for me because I love hs so much” Her response was for me to think about his needs not mine. I was feeling insecure about what to do and so I didn’t know for sure that continuing to hs was best for him, so I didn’t counter respond to her.
I think he might have a little something going on, I don’t know if it is SPD. He still transposes letters like b,d; He also has a hard time hearing the difference between the short vowel sound of “i” and “e”, and he sometimes confuses the sounds that the letters “y” “w” and “u” make. etc. Sight words used to be impossible, but he is showing significant improvement. He has never enjoyed learning to read, but is now making the best progress ever. His speech therapist was wonderful, and discovered some weakness in the areas of syntax and semantics, which she addressed and felt we didn’t need to return for further tx, we haven’t seen her in about 6 months. She told me to keep him out of ps. He is extremely agile and coordinated- rides bike, 4 wheeler, motorcycle, rock climbs, flips on trampoline like crazy…he is solid muscle.
I have always felt in my heart that he will come around in time academically as he matures. I am not a child development expert, so I don’t know if he needs some testing to determine if he is dyslexic or something.
This is in response to your last sentence. Have you looked at any of the signs of visual, sensory, or auditory processing disorders? They can be very helpful in helping you help your son. They have really helped me. We have at least 1 dd with APD (and I am pretty sure that another one has it, too) and these gave me directions to look when I had those vague questions in the back of my mind.
http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/sensory-processing-disorder-checklist.html – sensory processing
http://kidshealth.org/parent/medical/ears/central_auditory.html – auditory processing
http://www.ldonline.org/article/6390/ – visual processing
http://www.medicinenet.com/dyslexia/article.htm – dyslexia
http://www.ncld.org/types-learning-disabilities/dysgraphia/what-is-dysgraphia – dysgraphia
I am not saying that your child has any of these. I just referenced them in case you want to read them at some point.
I have to agree with the others about your son, your decision to homeschool and the reasons why you do what you have to to help him. It is not selfish, it is not going to harm your child, and you know him best! I think that your son is fortunate in his parents. 😉
0ne other thing I thought about was that if he is so painfully shy then throwing him on a soccer team might not be the best place to start overcoming it. Can you find another way for him to get involved in something that can boost his morale and give him confidence with less pressure on him from coaches or other adults? I am thinking of more independent type CLASSES like painting, photography, karate, or something that is still out in the public with a few classmates and teacher but where the focus is on the work and a lot less about forcing him to open up to a bunch of kids in front of lots of loud, sometimes agressive people? He can learn a skill while still learning to have confidence in his communication with others. Then at some point he may be ready for soccer on a social and communicative level. =)
I agree with all above, and I also say that soccer might not be the best option to work on shyness. something with individual skills, but with a group around might be easier, and a good step. I also like the idea of lessons… Swim lessons might be good. We also had group violin…
maybe Bowling? (only 4 kids on a team… mostly individual skill…) Karate might be good, although some of the class sizeds might be big (depending on the child if that is a problem or not…. might be if there is something like Auditory Processing disorder) Archery? Chess Club?
I guess I just see a team sport – with a large team to boot, and everyone running around, and things being fairly agressive – just kind of overwhelming for a shy child.
So grateful for the forum-suggestions and incite. I feel so much better already. I have never really used a resource like this before.
Thank you Sonya for making it available!
I didn’t read all the posts but caught your question about dyslexia. If you suspect dyslexia, go here:
and watch Susan Barton’s video “Could it be dyslexia?”. This is the best sight for dyslexia help I have found!!
But the good news is that you can work with him on that. 
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