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Independence in Habit Training?
- This topic has 6 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 13 years, 10 months ago by
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I was wondering how to train my kids to be independent (and quicker)in their habits. They brush their teeth, take care of pets, make beds, do chores, etc. but it’s nearly always with me reminding them. I’ve given them lists, put them on their bedroom door, but it’s almost always forgotten. The hang the card around your neck system would not fly here—-kids are nearly 8 and 11 and think it babyish, I think.
I would like them to do their morning routines quickly without reminders from me. Anybody had success with this? 🙂 Thanks for any input. Blessings, Gina
We do use the “hang it around your neck” version here although it’s actually a name tag holder with clip. They ALL wear them even if they think they are babyish. I’ve told them that after they can do their chores WITHOUT any reminders from me for a month, they may go without the badge. This may seem mean to some but I figure if they can’t remember to do their chores, they are acting “babyish” so wearing the “babyish” (to them) badge is appropriate. They CAN earn not having to wear it. That said, my kids don’t seem to mind as it does remind them what they have to do and to get it done (they have to check off with us when they are done). Their favorite part of the badges-there are NO surprises-they know exactly what is expected and when they are done they are done.
We have chosen to set a timer and they have to be done within that time or there is a consequence (for us it’s an extra chore-15 minutes of extra weeding in the planters for the summer). If they get it done, there is a reward (mid-morning snack which we usually don’t do). We decided to put the reward and consequence on it to increase their desire to do it. We will gradually fade it out after the month is over.
HTH, Rebecca
OK, that sounds like a neat idea. Is this in CM’s books that I haven’t read yet?
I REALLY have to read these books! LOLI think I might have to try this with our kids. Both a “name-tag” type thing and the timer to get your stuff done on time. Now to think of a consequence and reward….. Thanks for the idea!
No it’s not in the CM books that I know of. It just works for my kids so that’s what we do : ). I still need to read all of those books too and finish watching the All Day CM Seminar and Laying Down the Rails on DVD.
The name tag thing is actually from Managers of Their Chores by the Maxwell’s (haven’t read the actual book just lots of write ups on it).
For consequences, we almost always use extra chores (if you can’t work, you get to practice : ). For rewards, we use extra snack (healthy), staying up 15 minutes late or a special activity with Dad in the evening (one reward per meal since we have packs for each meal).
Using consequences — both good and bad — and setting a realistic time limit that assumes no dawdling are both mentioned in the CM books, yes. (But I don’t recall her mentioning a timer.)
Another concept that Charlotte explained seems applicable here too: Why nagging doesn’t work. This is not to say that you are nagging, Gina. We could easily say, Why reminding doesn’t work. The basic concept is that when we constantly remind, we are actually forming a habit in our children of “wait until mom tells me to do it.” So taking a step away from Mom reminding and toward “me remembering on my own” is a great idea.
If you want to read more about this concept, you might check out the post Why Nagging Doesn’t Work, or you might download the free e-book Smooth and Easy Days, which includes that little chapter on nagging.
One more little tidbit to consider: would it be easier for your children to transition into remembering for themselves if you work on only one chore at a time? For example, the first week you might focus on making beds without a reminder. Tell the children what you expect and what the consequence will be; warn them that you will not remind them. Then follow through until they are making their beds consistently on their own. Once that habit is in place, you might move on to the next one. It’s up to you. If you would rather tackle all the chores at the same time, the badge with the chore cards in it would probably be the way to go.
Courage! It will take effort for a few weeks, but OH it will be worth it for smooth and easy days . . .
Thank you Rebecca and Sonya. You make it sound so simple:) Great ideas. The name tag idea doesn’t sound so bad anymore, think I need to do that. I imagine earning the right to take it off might be all the reward they need:) Thanks for the nagging comments. It will save a lot of irritation for me and smoother days if I can just get some of these habits in place. Thanks for the advice:) Gina
I REALLY have to read these books! LOL
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