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I was a better mother before the internet
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Do any of you, in all honesty, feel the pull of the computer when you should be doing something otherwise? Do you find yourself drained after time on the internet? Do you have stress in your home due to poor time management with the computer? Do you feel your peace is stolen when your older dc & teens bicker over whose turn it is on the internet, if they’ve exceeded their time limit or not, which websites are allowed or banned, etc? Or….am I the only one?
I was reminded of an old post (can’t find it for some reason) from last year titled “I was a better mother before the internet” which included this article http://ebeth.typepad.com/reallearning/2008/07/i-was-a-better.html and was followed by a rich discussion.
That really got me thinking about the priorities of my day. We ended up canceling our internet last summer. Though I missed those comforts of the internet: easy access to book lists, forums, recipes, curriculums, library loans, online bible sources, ebills, etc., peace seemed to be restored to my heart and order to my home.
In the fall we reinstalled our service and have returned to the internet world. I’m weighing the pro’s and con’s. Schedules and time limits are a wonderful tool but so easy to stray from when “checking out that new book you saw in that latest homeschool magazine” is only a click away. I’d love to discuss if anyone’s up to it. The aricle’s a bit lengthy but, imo, worth the read.
Praying Gods will to be done in this “electronic age” in which we live! ~ heather
This has been weighing on my mind for a while too. I’m married to a computer guy by trade and heart and there is no getting rid of the internet anytime soon. However, I’m with you! We were a better family before internet. T.V. is not a problem in our house (less than 1 hour an hour a week if at all) but the computer sucks us all in.
‘I Was a Better Mother Before the Internet’ I believe is the post from last year that you’re looking for. I too feel drained after I’ve been on the internet, even when I can honestly call it ‘work’ (menu planning, book ordering, things to do with school and home) –let alone time I’m just surfing. I really go back and forth with this. Internet seems very helpful but I wonder if it’s training our brain to be lazy in a way; depending on someone else to give us answers and ideas too quickly without trying to figure it out ourselves first. And then the overwhelming amount of information to sort through (that effort of decision Charlotte talked about).
Or perhaps it’s a discipline issue on my part. For example, when I go to the grocery store I have the choice to stick to my list with blinders on or I can let my eye wander to products not on my list and stand there debating on whether I should get the non-list items that are calling for my attention. Likewise, I can set the timer for 30 minutes or however long and when the timer goes off, turn off the computer.
And yes, there’s bickering over internet usage in our home as well. Actually, over electronic usage in general. And I can tell a difference in their attentiveness to lessons on days that they know they aren’t allowed to use electronics. There’s no rush to get through the lessons to move onto better things, like computer games, etc.
So, no…you aren’t the only one!
No, you’re not alone. It is a bitter-sweet thing, if you ask me. When the computer is down I can’t bill pay, check banking, print, check emails/recipes/booklists, etc., which I rely on, heavily. It would be very difficult to function now that we are so dependent. But, it’s not just me. My hs group uses email to communicate everything to its members, some friends of mine only have time to email a short message at midnight, etc. So, if I didn’t have the internet I would not be communicated with very much in these two areas.
We do have a laptop so I bring it out to the living room with the boys so I’m still with them while they watch a movie or something like that. When we just had a desktop that was impossible:)
As of right now my boys do not us the internet. Well, my 11yo might 1x every two weeks. My 7 yo, never. They do have XBOX’s, thanks to dad, but we a NO XBOX policy during the week and they are good at understanding why and following it. I do encourage as much outdoor time as possible and so for now I feel they have a balance.
My husband is a big *gamer* and outdoorsman so my boys, luckily, have him to do things that I wouldn’t find so appealing. I do the library, read alouds, etc. and he does the reptilian field trips, teaches them to mow the lawn, plants the garden and makes sure we have snow trips, camping, sports, etc. available to the boys.
I have to say that when we go camping and I CANNOT get on the internet that that is some of the best times I have with my kids!!
Bitter-Sweet:)
I so agree. I feel like I’m sucked in by the computer – there’s always just one more thing to check or read! I think I could just an internet annoynomous group! I’ve thought about sending my laptop to work with my husband, so that at least during the day I can’t get on it and then he can “watch” me when he gets home at night to make sure I stick to whatever time I’m allotted, but I haven’t done that yet. I’ve also thought about making my 6 year old my accountability partner as I KNOW she would keep me honest, but again, haven’t done it. Sigh. You know it’s bad when your 18 month old comes and knows the best way to get your attention is by grabbing your hand off the keyboard rather than trying to say anything. So glad to have a place to “confess” and come clean about this dirty little secret of mine. Adding a fourth child to the family this summer certainly should solve my problem – right? Or make it worse!
Yes, I do feel a pull. However, I made up my mind a few weeks ago to get control and limit my time. I use the internet for so many good things that it really out weighs the bad temptation to be on too long.
1. I would not have the support that I have from all of you.
2. I would not have access to so many great resources for free.
3. I would not be able to help others in their journeys through homeschooling.
4. I would not be able to stay connected with family that all live in another state.
So, with the good out weighing the bad, I see my internet connection as a blessing. I just have to be wise and use some of those great habit training ideas that you all give out on myself! After all self control is a fruit of the spirit! 🙂
Funny you should bring this up as I have been trying to decide the best way for me to be the best Mum I can and still get my computer time in.
So at the moment I have decided I will do a quick check of emails, local Hsing support group and SCM at night after the children have gone to bed.
I will also not go searching for something I don’t really need or need to know! I know that sounds odd but when you get lots of advertising from homeschool resource providers you are tempted to look and it takes far too long – so I’ll either unsubscribe or be resolute to only look at what I need to.
I need to be tough on myself, because it is cutting into my wind down and quality reading time for me.
I feel it is definitely worth having but I have to be diligent in my use of it!
I totally understand about spending too much time on the computer.
I’m with you Heather, praying God’s will be done in our families. I am now determined to make this happen.
Blessings
Renelle
I say TOTALLY to all the above comments. For me it’s even a more drain because all we have is dial up and it takes about 4 min just for my computer to load the internet. A minimum of 5 min. to get to anysite, and if I’ve never been there or it has a lot of information it can litterally take 10-15 minutes. My family and friends do not seem to understand not to send me emails with pictures and if I’m not paying attention .. ahh.. that just freezes my computer.
Yes they can be a drag. But then I don’t know if I’d still be doing what I’m doing “homeschooling” without it. I wouldn’t have switched to CM (a God send) and I probably wouldn’t have the support, options I have with it. We do have to weigh the pros and cons. I know with Spring here it has helped. I’m only on in the mornings and eveings mainly now. HOping to find balance. That’s the name of the game.!~ Misty
Yes, I feel the pull.
At our house we try to have very defined times when mom can be on the computer (before 7am, during quiet time/naps, after kid bedtime). Also, no child gets online without me by their side (mine are 8 and under). My 8yo emails out of state and out of country family weekly.
I get a lot free from the internet for homeschool, and we use some fun programs to reinforce learning sometimes.
It depends on if you can control it/yourself.
Thank you MJ for finding the link and everyone els for sharing. As someone stated above I think what makes it so easy to overuse, is having a laptop. Also, with homeschooling, the possibilites are endless for internet use. When we turned our service back on, we purchased a filter software system called SafeEyes. This has helped with weeding out the profane, managing sites allowed, usage time, etc. I’m so stict with the kids time alotted but not so much with mine – not a very good example
.We don’t watch TV or video game systems so the older dc are motivated to complete their school work, get along with one another, do their chores , and wrap up any other responsibilites – in order to have their computer time. What a mixed blessing that is!
I do use the computer for so many good things. I know I have to find that balance. I’ve personally felt convicted about this and do not mean to impose that on any of you – forgive me if I’ve come across that way. Hope to keep this discussion rolling!
Thanks again! ~ heather
Heather,
I already posted my thoughts on this in the last thread a year ago and it still applies to me. It’s still an issue I struggle with. I’ve gone to “web only” with the yahoo groups I was a part of and weeded out my googlereader. I’m hoping as soon as our homeschool room is done we can put the computer in there with Safe Eyes. I always thought a laptop would be better to handle because you can close it and put it away. For me just seeing the computer screen on my kitchen counter right now pulls at me. I know it’s about self-discipline, it’s just that I am lacking this! How I pray about this issue. I look forward to hearing other replies and suggestions.
I think we all feel it is a wondrous thing but also an amazing timewaster if we are not disciplined in usage. I too appreciate the community on this forum, as a mum with older teens I am so encouraged to read the posts from the younger moms, and see how they are trying to raise wonderful Godly children – it gives me great hope for the future. I also pay bills, use the organizer, and stay in touch with people in Europe, friends and family via email, which is heaps cheaper than the phone. However, the downside is the time wasting if I am not dilligent, the disgusting spam that sneaks through the spam filters from time to time, and things like that. I try to limit myself to a quick period first thing in the morning, a quick check at lunch, and an hour in the evening, when my husband is also catching up on his work on the computer – then we spend time together. Today is different, I am having a computer day – yesterday I had a biopsy on my right hand (I am righ handed) and have stitches – so it is very awkward to do anything at the moment, it is very sore, and lifting even my coffee mug is a challenge – it is right by where my thumb bends. I did find though that I can read, and type with two fingers, so I am having a me day, and my daughters are doing their work, and helping me when necessary. Because of this I am trying to catch up on things, not all online, sorting my files, photos and stuff like that. Hopefully by Monday it will be hurting and pulling less – I get stitches out in 8 days time, so I can’t wait. My daughters only have a few hours on weekends for non school computer time, though for writing and schoolwork, they use it. They are actually better disciplined than I am, oh dear!
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