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‘I Was a Better Mother Before the Internet’
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I was lead today (Divine Providence, I believe) to this hit-home-hard entry and was wondering what you all feel about it. I thought I was alone in feeling this way, until I read this.
http://ebeth.typepad.com/reallearning/2008/07/i-was-a-better.html Try to get through it all; it’s very worthwhile.
The www, as I see it, is another one of those wolves dressed in sheepskin. It can be such a blessing, but also a destroyer – of time, emotion, energy, etc. Like many other things, it can really take away from our God-given vocation, don’t you think?
Your thoughts?
Wow-that was so perfect!!! I am always asking my 16 year old dd “where does all my time go?”. She is always so sweet and says you are homeschooling 4 kids now and driving everyone around to their various activities. But, I knew there was something different about where my time is going. Even when I had babies, toddlers, and young kiddies I was homeschooling, I still felt I had more time to bless my family and my home. I also feel a lot of times like my brain is on overload and I never thought it could be the internet. That article really hit home-thank you for sharing!
Blessings,
Danielle
I went ahead and read this article and it hit home completely.
I, too, never went on the internet until after age 30 and never visited blogs or posted on forums until age 35- just over a year ago (oops-I gave my age away).
Anyway, with that said, I do think I had more peace before the internet and I’ve questioned why. This article has really got me thinking and praying. My dh and I have talked about getting rid of the internet all together because of cost.
On one hand, I would miss it and on the other hand, I think I would feel free. Does anyone know what I mean by this? There are so many torn feeling because I’ve gained so much valuable information and insight from having access to the internet but also may have lost so much time and energy.
To get personal, how do you all manage your time on the computer? How much time do you spend daily? Is anyone willing to be open and honest here? For me, I go on first thing in the morning before the boys wake up and I’ve felt guilty about this…knowing I could be taking this precious time to read the word, pray, journal, exercise, clean, etc………
WOW.. now I want to log off. How do we decide how much time to spend on this machine? Do we set a timer like I do with my boys on other things? Do I allow only certain days? Boy now I have to think.
Getting rid of it completely? I don’t know about that there are so many uses for this that does save me sanity and money. Like renewing books from the library or requesting them. Like looking for the best deal on used books to save on money. Ordering things for gifts as not to leave the house with 6 kids in tow. Or something so usefull like the organizer here that has saved me many hours of doing it by hand!
There has to be a balance and that is something we all need to find for our selves. What’s mine?
Misty
Misty, you’re so right, the internet has saved so much time! We’re so blessed to have a library very close by that has internet access, so if we do cancel, we can hop on over there once a week or so when we need to search the catalog, do some book shopping, or visit SCM 🙂 . My mom also has internet and she only lives a mile away.
May we all seek the Lord on this one, knowing what is the right balance for each of our individual families……
This is such a hard call! I was also over 30 before I “discovered” the internet, and I often justify the time I spend–no likeminded homeschoolers in the area, need the ideas and information for school, etc. But I began a blog a while back, and spent a lot of time reading the blogs of others, and began to discover that for me, this was one of those “take back the time” situations, that the whole blogging thing was taking my attention off of others who needed me and putting it on myself and my “self-expression” Now this may not be true for others, but I had to “de-blog” LOL I’ll still read a few occasionally for information purposes, but I had to make a real change. I do set a timer for my “e-interaction” in the morning, and I am ten minutes over. LOL
Michelle D
I completely agree – there are SOO many good ways we can benefit, but overall, it seems so draining (to me). My dh and I have been discussing this for the last week and for me, it’s so hard to determine what that balance is. Sure, I can SAY what I need to do, but I confess, it literally calls me and I come. I’m not on forums (this is the only forum I frequent) or blogs, or anything else but with homeschooling suggestions/recommendations, books, or products. (I was actually taken to the blog I linked while searching for ways to do catechism as a family, instead of the separate age-level studies.) From the start, I’ve had that “looking for the perfect book/curriculum/etc.” for my dc and one sure has alot to see online. Before the internet, I was a bit crazy around the time of our hs conference (ONCE a year), now it seems I’m anxious and uneasy all the time. My problem is going to the computer every time I have some “alone time” as the blog post mentioned.
Yes, I use the computer for putting holds on library books, and making bank transfers, and ordering a book on-line (all time-savers) – BUT, this means I’m not getting out of the house as much as I used to. Is this a good thing? – I ask myself.
I’ve truly been battling lately with ‘unplugging’, but then I begin to think that I can defeat this and keep it under control. Can I? Hmmmmmm.
I, too, would like to bake bread, peacefully, and play a game with my children, peacefully, and make special meals more often, peacefully, or read the Word, more often and more peacefully. My mind is ALWAYS thinking about something that leads me to the computer – even for just that “quick check” that always ROBS me of MUCH more time than I had wanted. Sadly, everytime I go to my computer, I pass our family altar and I feel guilty. I can only imagine how much closer to our good God I would be if I only spent my computer time with HIM, whether it be in prayer, or more faithfully living out His will in my life (my vocation), or in the beautiful outdoors – His creation.
There is so much that I would miss (like this forum and the organizer), but is it time to remove what may be an ‘occassion of sin’? It may sound extreme, and these are MY feelings and thoughts, but if this is robbing me of time with God, my family, and inner peace – is it truly a good thing????
Again, these are MY thoughts and I appreciate your being open to listen (and for your sharing). I’m just trying to come to terms with this and am truly hoping to find a way to let the www serve ME, not the other way around. 😥
I think it’s all a matter of the heart. The internet can steal just like any thing else that distracts us from the life God has for us. It’s important for us to distinguish between guilt and conviction. Guilt leads us to ‘throw out the baby with the bath water’; something God may have intended as a benefit to us gets thrown out because we’ve misused it and then we feel like we should punish or deny ourselves of that very thing. Conviction leads us to refine; to be good stewards of all the good gifts He gives us.
And right now I’m thanking Him for the gift of SCM, (which happens via internet); there have been many days in our home education venture when the only thing that kept me from crawling back in bed, pulling the covers over my head and praying to God to beam me up was the connection I have with you guys here at SCM. Sure, we have family and friends that support hs, but NONE of them are quite sure that this ‘gentle art of learning’ is “enough”. So, you are my hs community, even though we live in different parts of the world.
I’m praying for us all to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit’s leading within each of us to spend our time as God would have us to and that we would be a blessing to all whom we come in contact with.
mj
P.S.
By the way, I’ve known plenty of moms who wanted peaceful time with their families, time to bake bread and all these things we’re talking about, but their ‘committments’ to the church and community kept them so busy that they too felt anxious and stressed alot of the time. Would we advise them to quit going to church altogether or to never volunteer in their church or community?
Just a thought.
“My mind is ALWAYS thinking about something that leads me to the computer – even for just that “quick check” that always ROBS me of MUCH more time than I had wanted.”
Rebecca, you said what I could not put into words. Thank you for giving me clarity for how, I too, have been feeling.
I hear your heart and know that you truly want Gods best for you and your family. I believe he will lead you as you seek Him in this. If it is God Himself convicting you and revealing what is unique to you, then I don’t think you are being too extreme. He must have something greater that is awaiting you – sounds to me like He may be calling you closer to Himself. This is the greatest homeschooling gift you can give to your children ~ intimacy with the Lord; “Seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness and ALL OTHER things will be added unto you”.
I do believe that there are times in our life when God asks us to give up things -even so called “godly” things to test our love for Him. I was deeply involved in ministry a few years back and God convicted me that the ministry was indeed coming before Him, my husband, my children and my home; it was becoming an idol in my life. I set it aside for a season and He blessed that obediance.
Now, I’m not saying that Gods asking you to give up the internet; maybe He is, maybe He isn’t – only you will know as you seek Him, but God is so personal with each one of us. He only wants our hearts and not just part of of our heart but ALL of it.
Jesus reminded us of the first and greatest commandment. “You shall Love the Lord your God with All your heart, all your soul, all your mind and all your strength.”
A question to ask yourself, as I too ask myself often. Is this thing in my life, even this “good” thing, taking away from the first commandment being a reality in my heart, life and family- if it is, then maybe I need to re-evaluate, step back and put my priorities back in place where they should be.
“My beloved spoke, and said to me, Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away…..” ~ Song of Solomon 1:10
I started posting on message boards about 3 days after we got our first computer (with internet) as a gift from my fil. That was 8 years ago, I was 25. I do feel like those years were time stolen away from my children. In the Fall of 2007 my husband and I decided to disconnect the internet, which we did for a year. And because we have no tv the only thing to do was, do what needs to be done and spend time with the girls. LOL I suddenly found myself so motivated to sew and bake bread and knit instead of always wanting to hop online for “just a minute” – that always turned into 2 hours, to check a message board or my email. I did go visit my mom once or twice a month and I would do any research I needed on her internet and save files and information on a cd to bring home.
We decided after a year to get the internet back again. I went back to my favorite message board and even after a year of not posting I was still on the first page of most frequent posters. 😯 I found myself doing just what I’d done before – only know I *knew* the delightful feeling of being with my children and enjoying them, and not constantly wanting to go “check the internet”. I also was able to stop the cycle of asking for advice about something before taking action. Whether it was kefir or kombucha or *anything* practically I’d get online and see how others were doing something before I tried it.
So I wrote to everyone I knew and told them I had to leave message boards. I want to be an “Intentional Parent” – like the other website says. Then I found SCM, LOL. But 99% of the time I’m using this for homeschool purposes, and once I get more organized and sure of myself with this whole curriculum I’ll be on here less.
I’m awake for about 3 or 4 hours before my girls get up and most of the time lately I am on the computer the whole time right now – but I’m almost done with my homeschool and gardening research. And not all of that time is spent on the internet. I’m addicted to making forms in Word!
The internet does not have the pull on me that it did before. I think I needed that long break from it to realize how refreshing it is not to be drained by it. When we got it back and I felt the same “pull” I realized how out of control I felt with it all and I hated it. In the year without it I learned so much more about the Bible, and fell in love with my girls again, and just really enjoyed their presence, instead of always saying, like before, “I’ll be off in a minute!”
It’s really telling when your kids say “I’m so glad we don’t have the internet anymore!” 😕 There will probably come a time in the near future when we will cut it off again, in the meantime I’m saving as much Charlotte Mason homeschool stuff as I can.
Oh, Michelle, if I could only have the will-power that you do. You found a happy medium (it sounds) and are able to enjoy both worlds. How I long to find this.
I thank you for your words, csmamma. I must meditate on Matthew 22:37 as I discern what to do.
Thank you soooo much, Rene, for your honesty. Your experience will play a BIG part in my decision.
At this point, I am writing a list of pros and cons of having on-line access at home. I have also decided to make a belated lenten promise starting tomorrow which is to limit my time on the computer to one hour or less in the evening (not to include our organizer activity).
My problem I believe is twofold: lack of 1) self-control and 2) trust in the Lord. I must keep Phil 4:13 in mind always “I can do all things through Christ who stengthens me.” I need to lay down the rail and also trust that when the next school year approaches, God will lead me to what we need to use for our dc. I can’t fret about missing some good advice/wisdom – I must trust that I will be led to it when I need it. Afterall, we’re only hs’ing because He called us to it, and allows it. He will not abandon us.
If anyone else can share how you handle the internet and keep it from consuming you, please, please, please do so. It would truly be appreciated.
Living2inspire, the main thing for me is staying away from those things on the internet that will give me feedback – if I post on a message board I want to hop on and see if there are replies. If I send an email I want to see if someone emailed me back. If I post on my blog I want to see if there are any comments. It’s crazy! So as much as possible I limit what I do that will create feedback.
It’s also helpful to make a list of things you need/want to do on the internet so you don’t get sidetracked and spend more time online than you need to.
And I don’t know if anyone else has this problem, but my right shoulder and the right side of my neck and back were always tight and in pain. In about 3 days after disconnecting the internet and not being on the computer the pain went away completely. Whenever I’m online (or even just on the computer) too much the pain comes back and I take two or three days off. 🙂
Rene,
You are so correct! I feel understood.
In these days during Lent and my discernment, I will take your advice and make a list of things I would like to do during my one hour of internet time and stick to that, with no side-tracking (it’s those links that get me! 😐 ).
My wrist (mouse) is what I’ve had a problem with.
Again, this board has been such a blessing. 🙂
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