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I just need help. Been stuck for many years.
- This topic has 11 replies, 11 voices, and was last updated 11 years, 2 months ago by
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There is no way to really ask for the help I need without being brutally honest. And I feel so ashamed, I am literally tearing up as I type this. I have 6 kids, my oldest is 12. I have homeschooled from the beginning and really did pretty good for many years. I don’t “bounce back” from having a baby, so things would slow more than (it seems) it does for others after each baby, but we’d get back on track. Until. The last 5 years, I’d say. My last 3 babies have had so many health challenges, school just really took a back seat. I do NOT have a supportive or helpful husband, try as I might, encourage as much as I do, he just won’t lift a finger to help with anything around here, school, house, nothing. I have no support system at all. Because we’re moving, I will have to find homeschoolers in the area we’re moving to. We haven’t attended church for so long because DH disagrees with everyone’s theology so no church is good enough/the “right fit”. This past year we have lost everything – his business, our home, everything. I can’t even describe how hard it has been, but We’re doing okay. I have tried to keep my focus on joy in the midst of it all with my children. I fully believe that even if they’re “behind” in their education, the best place for them is with their family.
That said, though, I am really dealing with guilt/shame because my oldest is 12 -6th grade and I have so much catching up to do. I feel so lost and don’t know where to begin. I am so very thankful that he WANTS to learn. At least I haven’t lost that.
So, here’s the practical. We have had lots of stops and starts with history, but never really gotten through any time period. Through all this stress and chaos I have kept them reading good books on their own, we do daily bible readings. They do flashcards to maintain their math skills, if/when I am not teaching anything “new”. My oldest is starting Delta level math-u-see, so a couple years behind there. We have done some science. But just nothing consistent. And beyond the basics of reading, writing, math, history, science – no, we haven’t done much of anything like art, music, etc.
I just don’t know how to get on track and where to start. I was thinking today that my focus needs to be my oldest because he is the most behind and I have the least amount of time left with him, and then kind of folding in the other kids where it makes sense. ?
I guess I really just need some encouragement. I am afraid of admitting where I am because of the disapproval of others, but I really just need help figuring out where to go from here.
Sorry it’s all so disjointed. lol
Welcome! I’m so sorry for all you’re going through. No disapproval here…you have a tremendous amount of responsibility without much support. I don’t know if I’d be doing so well!
For practical ideas, I think you’re in a good spot to start the SCM modules next year. Your oldest will have 6 yrs to complete them and do a full history cycle. I highly rec the history/geo/Bible handbooks sold here. They’re inexpensive and easy to use. Really helps me to keep on track, and u can teach the whole family with one guide. Kids orally narrate lessons. Fourth and up can start to do written narrations when comfortable with oral.
We use MUS. You still have time to catch up. There are only 30 weeks per year scheduled, so that gives 6 extra weeks in an avg school year. You could have him complete A and if he gets 95 percent he could skip to DEF. He could do a page of two per day over the summer. If u stay consistent he’ll catch up just fine. This is not a CM thing to do and it will be a first for us, but tomorrow my kids are having Math Marathon Monday. They’ll do math 30 min of math followed by something fun for 10-15 min all day, with treat meals. We’ll see how it goes:)
Hope that helps u feel a little better. He’ll be just fine! I would try to solidify the main subjects then slowly add in the arts one at a time (great ideas on this site). I would also try to create a good plan for your oldest with a checklist so he can complete a lot on his own. The kids having their own lists helps me tremendously! Blessings, Gina
No reason to feel ashamed here!
You’ll recieve plenty of love and encouragement here. The ladies here are wonderful. Kids are like sponges, so as long as the desire is there, you are golden. I suppose, if I was in your situation, I’d start off on a light schedule, to gently ease our way into a full work day. I don’t know about you, but if I try to take on too much too quickly, we tend to crash and burn! If it were me, I would add in things like Music study, Poetry, and Picture Study now, to have some lighter more enjoyable things in the schedule. You cannot possibly make up 5 years worth of work overnight, and if you try to, your children (and you) are more likely to burn out and be weary very quickly.
Also, maybe trying to come up with a household schedule if you don’t already have one. So that way, everyone helps out and the burden isn’t all on you.
And is your husband against you and the children going to church? Maybe if you could find a good church in the new place you are moving to, with a good amount of homeschoolers, that would be helpful.
I’ll be praying for your situation and that the Lord would give you the wisdom on what would work best for your family and your situation!
I hope you can find a good circle of homeschooling friends. I realized this week that I need to be w/other adults once in while to keep my sanity!
I don’t know if you need to worry about being behind, go forward, do what you can, I am sure they will get more out of the experience than if they were at school.
My oldest is almost 12 and we had to restart Delta because he was just not getting it. If I compare w/other maybe I could worry about him being behind but I know for sure that if he was still in public school he would have to move ahead w/out really getting it. We need to keep the big picture.
12 kids, I can’t even imagine, may God bless you, give you the strenght and wisdom you need!
I don’t have a whole lot of advice for you but want to give encouragement and support anyway. I think almost everyone has had a child behind in something at one time or another. My oldest was a grade behind in math and we have been working hard all year (summer too) to get caught up. So with patience and hard work I know you can do it! I would start concentrating on the thing that bothers you most. If you are most worried about math then start with that. Then add in writing or whatever. The art, music, poetry, etc can come once you get the basics going good. Then start mixing it up. I love science but we only get to it once a week but then in summer we do unit study type things in whatever interests the kids while we have summer break. The SCM history guide are really helpful in planning what you need for history and geography and bible.
And like someone else suggested, can you find a church that you and your kids can go to? It is so edifying for us to have a church and fellowship with others.
I don’t have a lot of wisdom to add. I just want you to know that when I read your post my heart resonated with you in many ways. Our circimstances are much different but the bottom line is that life has been extrememly hard for our family for a very long time. I too am walking through some of the same guilt and shame and I know it is a hard road. But thankfully there is much grace. I hope that many of these great women here will help you develop a plan to move forward. I too am working on mine. My prayers are with you and I applaud your honesty. When we shine light into the darkness of our lives it take the power away. Most often I find that just speaking the truth brings such freedom. Baby steps!!
Amy
http://www.urthemom.com/Self-Learning.html
This link was given to me on another post. I think it would help you out a lot and lift some of the burden you are feeling. I hope this helps you in some way.
Just want to say that God sees your love for your family and your faithful heart. He will not dissappoint you. Please know that He is on your side and wants the best for you and your kids. He will do above what you can ask or think!
And keeping up with reading, writing, math, science and discipleship is a great foundation for your kids’ education! God is not condemning you, and no one else here will either!
If your children still love to learn, then you can add all of the ‘extras’ from now on…you have kept the main thing!! They are not receptacles to be filled up -they are living, eternal souls who will continue to grow throughout their lives. You have taught them the most important thing – to LOVE to learn!
Be blessed in His peace…and know that He is King – even of your husband’s heart and your dissappointments. Find your peace in Him – He is trustworthy!
<Hugs>
Ladies, thank you so much! I felt so lost and alone this morning, and while I haven’t really “done” anything different yet, I just feel better after your encouragement. Thank you!!
Gina – thanks for the suggestions. I think consistency is key, and yes, I need a checklist for him. He loves checklists, too. He’s a really good first child! Which is why I hate that I feel like I am failing him.
Laura.bora – thanks for the reality check. I definitely *want* to make up for 5 lost years over night, but, no that is not reality. (bummer) I do have a household chore schedule, the kids help a lot, just not the husband. I honestly don’t know if he’d be okay with me going to church without him. Will have to pray about that before talking to him! I think it’s a good idea though, I am definitely feeling the lack of community has a negative impact.
petitemom – thank you for the encouragement. I agree, I need some friends! 🙂
Kristen – thank you. It is nice to just know that I am not alone in my feelings. I think the idea of focusing on what I feel like we’re most behind in is important. I think it’s math. But history and science are close contenders! How do I decide?! 😉
amyjane – (((hugs))) I’m sorry you’ve had challenges for a long time too. It is exhausting to be in crisis mode for several years. I will pray for you, as well, thank you for your prayers!!
ruth – thanks for the link!
ServingwithJoy – Thanks for the reminder. These hard years I have often told myself they are learning lessons bigger than they can get from books for this time….it is a season. One that I hope we are coming out of. Thank you, your words really spoke to my heart.
Breathing a little lighter. 🙂
I am sorry to hear what you have gone through. I pray all works out well.
I think it will be easy for you to catch up on maths if you like to use the ideas either from William Milne’s First Lessons in Arithmetic, or Ray’s Arthmetic. My children caught up quickly with these.
For Science & History, why not do both? By doing both, you can also spend more time on one subject which you think is more important than the other. For science, how about choosing a book and then doing oral or written narrations?
Take one step at a time, start from the beginning. Sonya Shafer has a very nice planning guide, which can ease some of these issues for you. (Read about: The Big Picture)
Best Wishes
God has known from before He began time that you and your family would go through this and come to this point. He is using all of it for your good and the good of your children. You needn’t worry about the time lost. Admitting that it’s gone will give you the courage not to “lose” anymore time. Dependence on Him is a true blessing.
You have plenty time to cover history and science. Most of us missed out on so much of this type of learning during our school years. So, we are filling in our “gaps” as adults. Those areas in which your children find a need to learn after they have completed their education at home will be fascinating research as adults.
Don’t think of them as behind, but equipped to begin. I’ve just finished a book on the Homeschool Librarians reading list and jotted down a quote by Wendell Berry. “When going back makes sense, you are going ahead.” That reminded me of the times when we’ve had to go over and over math concepts or other topics that we’ve studied before, but have need of a reminder or more practice. Forging on ahead with math or reading levels when feeling behind actually gets you farther behind because it causes frustration and anxiety due to an unstable foundation. Going back makes sense and then springs them (us, too) forward by great leaps and bounds in an “all of a sudden” manner once things click.
You are all children of God. You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. You ought to take up this challenge as a redeeming adventure. You will be blessed!
Be encouraged by this forum and the lovely discussions that will help carry you through this time.
My prayers are with you,
Becca<><
I couldn’t add much else to the conversation that wasn’t already beautifully articulated by the other ladies. But, as a MUS user myself, I can tell you for a fact that it’s absolutely possible to “catch up” using the program. For a variety of reasons my kids generally have to do 2 MUS books over a 12 month period. You have to think of it as a journey that doesn’t end until the last day of 8th grade when the high school adventure then starts. You have a 12 month period, not a 9 month period to get things done. Many times the first 10 lessons or so of MUS are very easy and the kids fly through them anyway. If not, just take your time and know that it will all be okay. The work will get done and accomplished by the end of 8th grade. Maybe some of your kids will take Algebra 1 in 8th grade, maybe not. Some of your children kids might be doing Pre-Algebra in 8th. It’s not a crime to have a child that’s not ready for Algebra before high school! Relax, concentrate on mastery vs. keeping up with some artificial timetable. Maturity in children helps a tremendous amount as well. I am amazed at how much more work my oldest teen can now do in comparison to the difficult days we had previously. Finally, don’t compare yourself with the families on magazine covers or those highlighted in various blogs. Might I recommend a book? It’s titled Lies Homeschooling Moms Believe by Todd Wilson. It’s fabulous. Also, Homeschool SuperMom: NOT! by Susan Kemmerer of Schoolhouse Publishing. We’re all in this together and need each other for support.
You’ll recieve plenty of love and encouragement here. The ladies here are wonderful. 
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