I am also having an issue with this. I just bought the “Laying Down the Rails” bundle with the children’s book. My husband and I are excited to learn and implement, but I admit to a feeling of irritation when I read, “6. Don’t resort to nagging; expect . . .prompt obedience after one quiet yet firm telling.” I’m not irritated with Sonya Shafer or even Charlotte Mason. I see this same wording everywhere. Blogs, parenting books, comments from other parents, etc. Sometimes (not always) it’s accompanied by an example of a particular behavior or habit that is pretty simple to “expect” without nagging. More often there isn’t any example at all. Simply, “We expect” or “We require”
HOW????
And I mean with EVERY habit. HOW???
Even Charlotte Mason gives that story about the boy and the door, and the mother reminds him constantly at first. How is “reminding” not the same as “nagging”? Either way you have to continually do it without the child learning to do it on his own. Isn’t that what we’re trying to avoid?
For instance this morning. And this is only one example of one problem with one child during one hour. Imagine 5 children, all with various bad habits and weaknesses, from morning til night. I told my 6 year old to go upstairs, close his door, get dressed, put away his pajamas, and push in his bed (he sleeps on a trundle). No this is NOT the first day of trying to get him into this morning habit, we’ve been going through this same routine every day of the week for more than a few months. And he did what he always does. He dawdled, played, goofed off. After a few minutes I went to check. Only his shirt was changed, and the bed was not pushed in. He is perfectly capable of getting it all done in 5 minutes or less. He’ll also sometimes complain that pushing the bed in is too hard, or he’s too tired or weak. None of that is true. So, without standing over him, punishing him, nagging him, how exactly do I “expect” or “require” he do as he’s told?
Then there’s my daughter. I tell her every morning, when she wakes up and is loud and obnoxious and thumps and runs around, that it is rude, that she isn’t supposed to do that when others are sleeping, etc. Sometimes before she even does it I give her the reminder, “Be quiet”. Within one second–no exaggeration–she’s done or said something, purposefully, loud. Again, this is something we’ve been working on for months without number. How do I “expect” or “require” obedience in this without nagging? I discipline, I remind, I request, I give examples, I appeal to her empathy because she doesn’t like getting woken up by loud people . . .nothing. No improvement whatsoever. I cannot name one morning in which she has done as she is told in this particular habit. And again: one example, one child, one particular habit or behavior, one hour.
So that’s my frustration with the words “expect” and “require” and “don’t nag”. I see no realistic way NOT to nag, even if it’s done “pleasantly” it’s still nagging and reminding. I still plan to plod ahead with the LDR books, because we’re desperate for change, but having read those words just this morning I just had to express my frustration, and hopefully get some realistic tips on how to do that.